The School for Scandal Part 21

SIR PETER. No--no--come come,--you wrong him. No, no, Joseph is no Rake but he is no such Saint in that respect either. I have a great mind to tell him--we should have such a Laugh!

CHARLES. Oh, hang him? He's a very Anchorite--a young Hermit!

SIR PETER. Harkee--you must not abuse him, he may chance to hear of it again I promise you.

CHARLES. Why you won't tell him?

SIR PETER. No--but--this way. Egad, I'll tell him--Harkee, have you a mind to have a good laugh against Joseph?

CHARLES. I should like it of all things--

SIR PETER. Then, E'faith, we will--I'll be quit with him for discovering me.--He had a girl with him when I called. [Whispers.]

CHARLES. What[!] Joseph[!] you jest--

SIR PETER. Hus.h.!.+--a little French Milliner--and the best of the jest is--she's in the room now.

CHARLES. The devil she is--

SIR PETER. Hus.h.!.+ I tell you. [Points.]

CHARLES. Behind the screen! Odds Life, let's unveil her!

SIR PETER. No--no! He's coming--you shan't indeed!

CHARLES. Oh, egad, we'll have a peep at the little milliner!

SIR PETER. Not for the world--Joseph will never forgive me.

CHARLES. I'll stand by you----

SIR PETER. Odds Life! Here He's coming--

[SURFACE enters just as CHARLES throws down the Screen.]

Re-enter JOSEPH SURFACE

CHARLES. Lady Teazle! by all that's wonderful!

SIR PETER. Lady Teazle! by all that's Horrible!

CHARLES. Sir Peter--This is one of the smartest French Milliners I ever saw!--Egad, you seem all to have been diverting yourselves here at Hide and Seek--and I don't see who is out of the Secret!-- Shall I beg your Ladys.h.i.+p to inform me!--Not a word!--Brother!-- will you please to explain this matter? What! is Honesty Dumb too?-- Sir Peter, though I found you in the Dark--perhaps you are not so now--all mute! Well tho' I can make nothing of the Affair, I make no doubt but you perfectly understand one another--so I'll leave you to yourselves.--[Going.] Brother I'm sorry to find you have given that worthy man grounds for so much uneasiness!--Sir Peter--there's nothing in the world so n.o.ble as a man of Sentiment!--

[Stand for some time looking at one another. Exit CHARLES.]

SURFACE. Sir Peter--notwithstanding I confess that appearances are against me. If you will afford me your Patience I make no doubt but I shall explain everything to your satisfaction.--

SIR PETER. If you please--Sir--

SURFACE. The Fact is Sir--that Lady Teazle knowing my Pretensions to your ward Maria--I say Sir Lady Teazle--being apprehensive of the Jealousy of your Temper--and knowing my Friends.h.i.+p to the Family. S he Sir--I say call'd here--in order that I might explain those Pretensions--but on your coming being apprehensive--as I said of your Jealousy--she withdrew--and this, you may depend on't is the whole truth of the Matter.

SIR PETER. A very clear account upon the [my] word and I dare swear the Lady will vouch for every article of it.

LADY TEAZLE. For not one word of it Sir Peter--

SIR PETER. How[!] don't you think it worthwhile to agree in the lie.

LADY TEAZLE. There is not one Syllable of Truth in what that Gentleman has told you.

SIR PETER. I believe you upon my soul Ma'am--

SURFACE. 'Sdeath, madam, will you betray me! [Aside.]

LADY TEAZLE. Good Mr. Hypocrite by your leave I will speak for myself--

SIR PETER. Aye let her alone Sir--you'll find she'll make out a better story than you without Prompting.

LADY TEAZLE. Hear me Sir Peter--I came hither on no matter relating to your ward and even ignorant of this Gentleman's pretensions to her--but I came--seduced by his insidious arguments--and pretended Pa.s.sion[--]at least to listen to his dishonourable Love if not to sacrifice your Honour to his Baseness.

SIR PETER. Now, I believe, the Truth is coming indeed[.]

SURFACE. The Woman's mad--

LADY TEAZLE. No Sir--she has recovered her Senses. Your own Arts have furnished her with the means. Sir Peter--I do not expect you to credit me--but the Tenderness you express'd for me, when I am sure you could not think I was a witness to it, has penetrated so to my Heart that had I left the Place without the Shame of this discovery-- my future life should have spoken the sincerity of my Grat.i.tude-- as for that smooth-tongued Hypocrite--who would have seduced the wife of his too credulous Friend while he pretended honourable addresses to his ward--I behold him now in a light so truly despicable that I shall never again Respect myself for having Listened to him.

[Exit.]

SURFACE. Notwithstanding all this Sir Peter--Heaven knows----

SIR PETER. That you are a Villain!--and so I leave you to your conscience--

SURFACE. You are too Rash Sir Peter--you SHALL hear me--The man who shuts out conviction by refusing to---- [Exeunt, SURFACE following and speaking.]

END OF THE FOURTH

ACT V

SCENE I.--The Library

Enter SURFACE and SERVANT

SURFACE. Mr. Stanley! and why should you think I would see him?-- you must know he came to ask something!

SERVANT. Sir--I shouldn't have let him in but that Mr. Rowley came to the Door with him.

SURFACE. Pshaw!--Blockhead to suppose that I should now be in a Temper to receive visits from poor Relations!--well why don't you show the Fellow up?