Poise: How to Attain It Part 13

But this is only an advent.i.tious means of prevention. We will now speak of those which should become a matter of daily practise and whose frequent repet.i.tion will lead to the poise we seek.

Every one whose profession makes it necessary to cultivate his memory recognizes the importance of studying at night. Phrases learned just before going to sleep fix themselves more readily in the mind. They remain latent in the brain and spring up anew in the morning without calling for much trouble to revive them.

For this reason it is well to retire to rest in a mental att.i.tude of deliberate calm, repressing every sort of jerky movement and constraining oneself to lie perfectly quiet.

At the same time one should keep on repeating these words:

"I am composed. I propose to be composed. I am composed!"

The constant reiteration of these words const.i.tute a species of suggestion, and peace will steal gradually into our souls and will permit us to think quietly, without the risk of becoming entangled in disordered fancies, or, what is far worse, falling a prey to vain and unavailing regrets.

Those who doubt the efficacy of this proceeding can be readily convinced by proving to them the tremendous power of mere words.

Certain of these electrify us. Such words as patriotism, revolt, blood, always produce in us an emotion of enthusiasm or disgust.

Others again are productive of color, and one must admit that the constant repet.i.tion of an a.s.surance ultimately leads to the creation of the condition that it pictures to us.

But to make the a.s.sertion to oneself, "I am composed," is not all that is necessary. One must prove to oneself that one is not glossing over the truth.

The readiest means of accomplis.h.i.+ng this, which is open to every one who has any regular interests, is to mentally review the words and the actions of the day, and to pa.s.s judgment upon them from the point of view of the quality one is striving to attain.

DAILY SELF-EXAMINATION

One should convince oneself as soon as possible of the truth of the fact that sincerity toward oneself is a large factor in attaining that firmness of judgment that must be cultivated by the man who is in search of poise.

In order to reach this condition nothing is more easy than to pa.s.s in mental review, every evening, the events that have marked the day that has pa.s.sed.

In a word, one should strive to relive it, honestly confessing to oneself all the mistakes that have crept into it.

Every unfortunate speech should be recalled. One should formulate fresh replies, that lack of poise did not permit us to make at the time, so that under similar circ.u.mstances we may not be again caught at a disadvantage.

The witty name of "doorstep repartee" has been given to these answers which one makes as afterthoughts, with the idea of expressing the embarra.s.sment of the man who can find no arguments until he finds himself beyond the reach of his opponents. It is after one has gone out, when one is on the doorstep, that one suddenly recognizes what one ought to have said, and finds the phrases that one should have used, the exact retort that one might have hurled at one's antagonist.

The man who has acquired poise should still accustom himself to practise this force of mental gymnastics when making his daily self-examination.

It will strengthen him for future contests by teaching him just how to conduct himself.

He must be always on his guard against one of the obsessions that too often afflict the timid--the mania for extremes.

The nature of a timid person is essentially artificial. His character is unequal.

He yearns for perfection, yet it is painful for him to meet it in others. He suffers also because he has failed to acquire it himself.

Sometimes he is his own most severe judge and then on other occasions he is grossly indulgent to his faults.

His isolation causes him to construct ideals that can not possibly be realized in ordinary life. But he is more than ready to blame those who fall short of them, while making no effort to duplicate their struggles.

He makes the sad mistake, as we have seen in the chapter on effrontery, of taking all his chimeras for realities and is angry at his inability to make other people see them in the same light.

He is, moreover, of a very trustful disposition and p.r.o.ne to the making of confidences. But when he attempts them his infirmity prevents him and he suffers under the inhibition.

All his mental processes, as we have seen, tend toward hypochondria, unless his sense of truth can be called into play.

One can easily see then that this daily self-examination can be made quite a difficult affair by all these conflicting tendencies.

It is for this very reason that it is so necessary that this examination should be rigorously undertaken every day and with all the good faith of which we are possest.

It is because they do not ignore their own weaknesses that the men endowed with poise become what one has psychologically termed "forces,"

that is to say people who are masters of a power that renders them superior to the rest of the world.

RESOLUTION

After as minute and as honest an examination as we can make of our own actions, it will be of great benefit to make definite resolutions for the morrow.

This is a matter of great importance.

The timid man, by seriously resolving to perform the actions that he ought and by planning the accomplishment of some definite step, will unconsciously strengthen his own will-power.

He will increase it still more by making up his mind to leave no stone unturned to conquer himself.

For instance, he proposes to make a certain journey, or to pay a certain call, which he dreads very much, and falls asleep while repeating to himself: "To-morrow I will go there! I will carry the thing through with a.s.surance!"

Conceding the magnetic power of words, the acquisition of courage and of confidence are necessary corollaries.

Ideas imprest upon the mind at the moment that one is falling asleep develop during the night by a species of incubation, and on the morrow present themselves to us quite naturally in the guise of a duty much less hard to perform than we had imagined.

In the case where such a resolution awakens an unpleasant emotion in the hearts of the timid, they should repeat earnestly the sentences that tend to composure and should seek the aid of the means we have indicated for attaining it.

PREPARATION

In order to strengthen one's resolution it is a good thing every morning to map out one's day, for the purpose of acquiring poise.

All one's combinations should be worked out with this valuable conquest in mind.

After having committed oneself to a definite plan, one should a.n.a.lyze each one of the proposed steps, carefully taking into account all the peculiarities that are likely to characterize them.

If one is to have an interview, one should carefully prepare one's introductory remarks, paying particular attention to one's line of action, to one's method of presentation, and the words upon which one relies to obtain an affirmative reply to one's request.

One should take the precaution to have one's speeches mentally prepared in advance, so as to be able to deliver them in such a speedy and convincing fas.h.i.+on that one does not find oneself in a state of embarra.s.sment fatal to recollecting them.

It is better to make them as short as possible. One is then much less likely to become confused and will not be so much in dread of stammering or stuttering, which are always accompaniments of the fear of being left without an idea of what to say next.

Besides this, long speeches are always irritating, and it is a sign of great lack of address to allow oneself to acquire the reputation of being a bore.

To make sure of one's facial expression and gestures it may be well to repeat one's speeches in front of a mirror.