The Etiquette of To-day Part 20

The wedding gown, which is of white satin or silk, and usually as rich and elegant as the bride can afford, is always cut high in the neck and with long sleeves, or, if elbow sleeves, they are supplemented by long gloves, which are not removed even at the wedding breakfast. The custom is to wear white exclusively from veil to shoes. Whether or not the veil is worn, a hat is never provided for this gown.

It is customary, in case a bride is married in her traveling suit, for her to wear the hat and gloves which go with it. At a home wedding, however, this rule is not usually adhered to, unless the couple leave at once.

The bridal veil and orange blossoms are worn only at the first marriage of a woman, and usually only with a gown made with a train.

The bridegroom should acquaint himself with the rules and regulations in regard to the marriage license some weeks ahead of the date set for the wedding, if possible, as the rules vary in different states, and in some a period of residence or notification is necessary.

A marriage certificate, furnis.h.i.+ng easily available knowledge of the legality of the marriage and its date, is often of great convenience in the disposition of property, the probating of wills, and in the settlement of numerous questions which might arise in minor matters.

This should be provided before the ceremony, filled out and signed immediately after it by the officiating clergyman, and signed by several witnesses.

The wedding ring is, by long established custom, a plain gold band. It should be of the best gold, and the fas.h.i.+on now is for it to be moderately narrow and thin rather than wide and thick. The ring, the unbroken circle, is symbolic of eternity. The bridegroom gives it into the keeping of the best man, whose duty it is to hand it promptly to him at the proper moment of the ceremony. The initials and date are engraved upon the inner surface of the ring. When wider rings were worn some appropriate sentiment was also often engraved.

Once placed upon the bride's finger, it is her pride to see that it is never removed. As Mrs. Sangster feelings says, "It is a badge of honor, and, worn on any woman's hand, a symbol of her right to belong to the ranks of worthy matrons."

It is well to rehea.r.s.e the movements of the bridal procession within a day or two of the ceremony, that there may be no flaw in the conduct of the actors in this dramatic bit of realism. If it is to be a church wedding, more than one rehearsal may be required. In that case the organist should be present, as well as every member of the bridal party, except the clergyman. The opening of the church for such rehearsal is included in the fee which the s.e.xton receives, which ranges from ten to fifty dollars.

Usually refreshments, in the form of either a dinner or supper, follow the rehearsal, the bride entertaining at her home.

If the Episcopal service is to be used, or any other service in which the bride and bridegroom kneel, cus.h.i.+ons for their use should be provided. These are usually covered in white satin, with outer covers of very sheer lawn upon which the initials may be worked.

The floral decorations of the church or home should be subordinated to the main interest; that is, they should not be too elaborate, take up too much room, or do other than furnish a fitting background for the bridal couple. The decorations usually follow some definite color scheme, although simply the white flowers with green foliage are appropriate and symbolic for a church wedding. A few palms, simple bouquets of flowers arranged naturally and gracefully, with foliage to contrast and fill the corners, will decorate an altar or make a pleasant bower. When costliness rather than beauty is the effect of flowers, the display is vulgar.

An awning should be stretched from the house or church door to the sidewalk, so that the guests and bridal party may not be subjected to the gaze of curious pa.s.sers-by as they leave the carriages. An attendant should be stationed at the sidewalk to open the doors of the carriages, and to give to the coachmen and guests numbers by which their carriages may be speedily called.

While the provision of the carriages belongs with all other things to the bride's family, the carriages for the bridegroom and his family are provided by them.

CHAPTER XII

THE CONDUCT OF A WEDDING

IN cities at present the most fas.h.i.+onable hour for the ceremony is "high noon," following the English custom, and in remembrance of the long-standing tradition which placed the wedding early in the day, before the night's fast had been broken.

The afternoon is a suitable time, as it enables friends to gather more conveniently from the distance, and as the reception with refreshments is much more easily arranged for than is a breakfast. For an afternoon wedding, three o'clock is the proper hour in the winter, four o'clock in the summer.

The evening was at one period the fas.h.i.+onable time, and it still retains its popularity and long will among the middle cla.s.s of people and in the country, because a larger gathering of friends can be expected at that time, as all are free from business and household cares.

_The Church Wedding_

For the church wedding special arrangements must be made for the seating of the guests. A certain number of pews in the center front of the church are reserved for the families and intimate friends of the bride and bridegroom. The reservation is indicated by a broad white ribbon barrier across the aisle, or a garland of flowers. The family of the bride is seated on one side of the aisle, and that of the bridegroom on the other.

The ushers should be at the church at least a half-hour before the guests begin to arrive. They wear small b.u.t.tonhole bouquets of flowers like those used in the decorations of the church, which are sent them there by the florist.

In seating the guests they should take great care to seat in the reserved s.p.a.ce only those whose names are on the list given them as belonging there. Therefore, they ask the name of each guest whom they do not know before a.s.signing him his seat. Sometimes, however, each of these special guests is provided with a card which he gives to the usher.

When a gentleman and lady enter the church together, the usher offers his right arm to the lady, and the gentleman follows them as they proceed down the aisle. When several ladies arrive together, the usher offers his arm to the eldest, and requests the others to follow as he conducts her to her seat.

Each usher asks of each guest whether he is friend of the bride or bridegroom, and seats him accordingly, upon the left of the church if a friend of the bride, upon the right if a friend of the groom. In case the bridegroom is from the distance, and therefore there are few of his friends present, this custom is not followed.

Immediately before the bridal party appears, the mother of the bride is escorted by the head usher to a seat in the front pew. Any sisters or brothers of the bride who may not be in the bridal procession enter with their mother.

Meanwhile the bridal party has been gathering, the bridesmaids going to the home of the bride and there receiving from her their bouquets, which are the gift of the bridegroom. Thence they take carriages to the church, where they all arrive at the hour set for the ceremony.

When the first carriage arrives, containing two of the bridesmaids,--as the carriage of the bride and her father is the last,--the head usher closes the inner vestibule door, and the other ushers see that all entrance at side doors is barred. When the bride arrives the outer street doors are closed, and the procession forms.

Two of the ushers have already carried the broad white ribbon down the sides of the main aisle, thus shutting in the pews, and have taken down the ribbon barrier across it.

The bridegroom and his best man have come in a carriage by themselves and entered the church by the vestry door. They and the clergyman await the notice of the bride's arrival.

The organist, who has been playing appropriate selections while the guests were a.s.sembling, begins on the wedding march as the doors to the church are thrown open in signal that all is in readiness. The audience rises. The clergyman takes his place, and the bridgegroom and best man enter, the former standing at the clergyman's left, the latter just behind the bridegroom, who is facing the aisle down which the bride will come.

First come the ushers, two and two, keeping pace with the time of the music, which is a stately, dignified march. The bridesmaids follow, also two and two, with about six feet of s.p.a.ce between each couple.

The maid of honor alone, or the maid and matron of honor together, then come. The flower girl, or flower children follow, scattering flowers from a basket hung upon the left arm.

Then come the bride and her father, or nearest male relative, she with downcast eyes and leaning upon his right arm.

The procession divides as it reaches a spot opposite the place where the bride and bridegroom are to stand, or, in an Episcopal church, the top of the chancel steps; half go to the right and half to the left.

The bridesmaids stand between the ushers, all being grouped in a semicircle. The maid of honor stands at the left, in front of the bridesmaids and near the bride.

The bridegroom advances to meet the bride, who leaves her father and takes the bridegroom's hand, then accepts his left arm and is escorted by him to a position in front of the clergyman. The couple kneel for a moment before the ceremony begins.

At the place in the ceremony where the question is asked, "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?" the father, who has been standing a few feet back, advances and places the bride's right hand in that of the clergyman, who places it in the right hand of the bridegroom. The father then takes his seat in the front pew with his wife, whom, as they leave the church, he escorts.

Should a widowed mother be the only one to respond to this inquiry, she simply rises from her seat and bows. In such a case the bridegroom usually enters with the bride, and the procession is less elaborate.

When the troth is being plighted and the ring is about to be given, the best man hands it to the bridegroom, who pa.s.ses it to the bride.

She hands it to the clergyman, who returns it to the bridegroom. Then the latter places it upon the third finger of the bride's left hand.

The significance of the pa.s.sing of the ring is that it completes a circle, the symbol of eternity, of which the clergyman is one, thus symbolizing the sanction of the church.

After the ceremony the clergyman congratulates the newly wedded couple, and the bride takes the right arm of her husband, walking thus down the aisle, the bridal party following in reverse order, the ushers therefore last. Even at a stately church ceremonial it has been known for the bride to stop and kiss her mother before pa.s.sing down the aisle.

The duties of the maid of honor during the service are to take from the bride her glove and bouquet as the clergyman asks the bride and bridegroom to join hands. Then it is her care to remove the veil from before the face of the bride when the ceremony is over, and to turn the train of her gown that it may fall rightly as she pa.s.ses up the aisle.

Occasionally when there are two main aisles to the church, the bridal procession enters on the one amid the friends of the bride, and returns on that amid the friends of the groom, to signify that the bride has now become one of them.

The best man follows the clergyman to the vestry, hands him the fee, if the groom had not before done so, and pa.s.ses down the side aisle to signal for the bridal carriage, and to give the bridegroom his hat and coat. He then goes to the bride's house, where he a.s.sists the ushers in introducing the guests to the pair.

The organist starts up a very joyous march at the conclusion of the ceremony, and continues playing while the guests are dispersing.

Following the bridal procession the families and intimate friends of the couple pa.s.s out before the audience, as the ribbon barriers which reserve the aisle are not taken down until all have pa.s.sed out. If the reception is at the home, this gives the bridal party time to enter the carriages; if the reception is in the church parlors, it gives time for them to take their places in the receiving line.

At the bride's home there is now time, before the guests arrive, for all of the bridal party to congratulate and felicitate the bride and bridegroom, and also to sign after them the register of the marriage, which is in the care of the best man. This is usually in the form of a book bound in white, with the initials of the bride and bridegroom embossed upon it, and opportunity is usually given for the wedding guests to add their signatures also.

The bride's mother, who is the real hostess of the occasion, stands near the entrance of the room in which the reception is held. In a receiving line at the head of the room stand the bride and bridegroom with half of the bridesmaids ranged on the bride's right and the other half on the groom's left. The parents of the groom stand near and the father of the bride with them or with his wife, as host. The ushers present the guests to the bride and bridegroom, and then to their parents, as guests of honor. A few words of congratulation to the bridegroom and of best wishes to the bride are all that the few moments possible for each guest permit. The bride offers her hand to each guest, and presents to her husband her friends, as he does his to her.