Mr. Punch's Life in London Part 9

A BLUNDER-BUS.--One that takes you to Holborn when you want to go to the Bank.

EPITAPH FOR A STOCKBROKER.--"Waiting for a rise."

BOARD WAGES.--Directors' fees.

[Ill.u.s.tration: STOCK EXCHANGE

_Ill.u.s.trated by Dumb-Crambo, Junior_]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Carrying over]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Market firm]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Arranging for a fall]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Market falling]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Preparing for a rise]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Home securities flat]

A NEW WAY TO GET A FRESH APPEt.i.tE

(_A real bit from life at a City company's dinner_)

_Young Visitor._ Really, sir, you must excuse me. I am compelled to refuse.

_Old Alderman_ (_with profound astonishment_). What, refuse these beautiful grouse? It's impossible!

_Young Visitor._ It _is_ impossible, I can a.s.sure you, sir. I cannot eat any more.

_Old Alderman_ (_tenderly_). Come, come. I tell you what now. Just take my advice, and _try a cold chair_.

DESIGN FOR A PAPER-WEIGHT.--The portrait of a gentleman waiting for the _Times_.

THE BEST "FINANCIAL RELATIONS."--Our "uncles."

AT THE ANGEL COURT KITCHEN.--_Stranger_ (_to Eminent Financier_). Why did you call that man at the bar "the Microbe"?

_Eminent Financier._ Because he's "in everything."

GROUND RENTS.--The effects of an earthquake.

[Ill.u.s.tration: FOLLOWING THE FAs.h.i.+ON.--_Baked-Tater Merchant._ "'Ow's trade! Why fust-rate!! I'm a-goin' to conwert the bis'ness into a limited liability comp'ny--and retire into private life!!!"]

SONGS OF THE STREETS

UPON THE KERB

Upon the kerb a maiden neat-- Her watchet eyes are pa.s.sing sweet-- There stands and waits in dire distress: The muddy road is pitiless, And 'buses thunder down the street!

A snowy skirt, all frill and pleat; Two tiny, well-shod, dainty feet Peep out, beneath her kilted dress, Upon the kerb!

She'll first advance and then retreat, Half frightened by a hansom fleet.

She looks around, I must confess, With marvellous coquettishness!-- Then droops her eyes and looks discreet, Upon the kerb!

Definition of "THE HAPPY MEAN."--A joyful miser.

TO PEOPLE DOWN IN THE WORLD.--Try the new hotels: they will give you a lift.

WHAT is the best thing to do in a hurry? Nothing.

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Sarah_ (_to Sal_). "Lor! ain't 'e 'andy with 'is feet!"]

PUNCH'S COUNTRY COUSIN'S GUIDE

THE METROPOLIS IN THE _MORTE SAISON_