Mr. Punch in Bohemia Part 11

_Jones._ "Then we'd better go and have a sandwich at once!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: NOCTURNE IN THE OLD KENT ROAD]

"LARGEST CIRCULATION IN THE WORLD."--The elephant's.

THE WORST PLACE IN THIRSTY WEATHER.--Taplow.

INSCRIPTION FOR AN OLD CLOTHES SHOP.--"Nothing new."

[Ill.u.s.tration: "JUST A SONG AT TWILIGHT"]

(_As sung sweetly by a Public-House-Baritone_)

LITERARY ANNOUNCEMENT.--In the press--yesterday's tablecloth.

THE HEIGHT OF ECONOMY.--A "screw" of tobacco.

[Ill.u.s.tration: A BROKEN MELODY

SCENE I.--_Street Singer._ "I fear no foe in s.h.i.+ning ar----."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A BROKEN MELODY

SCENE II.--Enter policeman.]

THE QUICK GRUB STREET CO.

THE QUICK GRUB STREET CO. BEG TO ANNOUNCE THAT THEY HAVE OPENED AN ESTABLISHMENT FOR THE SUPPLY OF LITERATURE IN ALL ITS BRANCHES.

_Every Editor should send for our Prices and compare them with those of other houses._

POETRY DEPARTMENT.

We employ experienced poets for the supply of garden verses, war songs, &c., and undertake to fill any order within twenty-four hours of its reaching us. Our Mr. Rhymeesi will be glad to wait upon parties requiring verse of any description, and, if the matter is at all urgent, to execute the order on the spot.

DRAMA DEPARTMENT.

Actor-managers before going elsewhere should give us a call. Our plays draw wherever they are presented, even if it is only bricks.

_Testimonial._--A manager writes: "The play you kindly supplied, _The Blue Bloodhound of Bletchley_, is universally admitted to be _unlike anything ever before produced on the stage_."

Musical comedies (guaranteed absolutely free from plot) supplied on shortest notice.

FICTION DEPARTMENT.

For society dialogues we use the very best d.u.c.h.esses; while a first-cla.s.s earl's daughter is retained for Court and gala opera.

For our new line of _vie intime_ we employ none but valets and confidential maids, who have to serve an apprentices.h.i.+p with P.A.P.

THE KAILYARD DEPARTMENT

is always up-to-date, and our Mr. Stickit will be pleased to call on any editor on receipt of post-card.

N.B.--We guarantee our Scotch Idyll to be absolutely unintelligible to any English reader, and undertake to refund money if it can be proved that such is not the case.

Our speciality, however, is our _Six-s.h.i.+lling Shocker_, as sold for serial purposes. Editors with papers that won't "go" should ask for one of these. When ordering please state general idea required under one of our recognised sections, as foreign office, police, mounted infantry, cowardice, Rome, &c., &c.

BIOGRAPHY.

Any gentleman wis.h.i.+ng to have a biography of himself produced in antic.i.p.ation of his decease should communicate with us.

The work would, of course, be published with a note to the effect that the writing had been a labour of love; that moreover the subject with his usual modesty had been averse from the idea of a biography.

_Testimonial._--Sir Sunny Jameson writes: "The Life gives great satisfaction. No reference made, however, to my munificent gift of 50 to the Referees' Hospital. This should be remedied in the next edition.

The work, however, has been excellently done. You have made me out to be better than even I ever thought myself."

For love letters,

For the Elizabethan vogue,

For every description of garden meditations,

Give the Quick Grub Street Company a trial.

[Ill.u.s.tration: A SOFT ANSWER.--_Papa_ (_literary, who has given orders he is not to be disturbed_). "Who is it?"

_Little Daughter._ "Scarcely anybody, dear papa!"]