Mr. Punch in Bohemia Part 12

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE SECRETS OF LITERARY COMPOSITION

_The Fair Auth.o.r.ess of "Pa.s.sionate Pauline," gazing fondly at her own reflection, writes as follows_:--

"I look into the gla.s.s, reader. What do I see?

I see a pair of laughing, _espiegle_, forget-me-not blue eyes, saucy and defiant; a _mutine_ little rose-bud of a mouth, with its ever-mocking _moue_; a tiny sh.e.l.l-like ear, trying to play hide-and-seek in a tangled maze of rebellious russet gold; while, from underneath the satin folds of a _rose-the_ dressing-gown, a dainty foot peeps coyly forth in its exquisitely-pointed gold morocco slipper", &c., &c.

(_Vide "Pa.s.sionate Pauline", by Parbleu._)]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A DISTINCTION

_First Gourmet._ "That was Mr. Dobbs I just nodded to."

_Second Gourmet._ "I know."

_First G._ "He asked me to dine at his house next Thursday--but I can't.

Ever dined at Dobbs's?"

_Second G._ "No. Never _dined_. But I've been there to dinner!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Auctioneer._ "Lot 52. A genuine Turner. Painted during the artist's lifetime. What offers, gentlemen?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Millionaire_ (_who has been shown into fas.h.i.+onable artist's studio, and has been kept waiting a few minutes_). "SHOP!"]

NONSENSE PROVERBS

WHAT'S in the pot mustn't be told to the pan.

There's a mouth for every m.u.f.fin.

A clear soup and no flavour.

As drunk as a daisy.

All rind and no cheese.

Set a beggar on horseback, and he will cheat the livery-stable keeper.

There's a B in every bonnet.

Two-and-six of one and half-a-crown of the other.

The insurance officer dreads a fire.

First catch your heir, then hook him.

Every plum has its pudding.

Short pipes make long smokes.

It's a long lane that has no blackberries.

Wind and weather come together.

A flower in the b.u.t.ton-hole is worth two on the bush.

Round robin is a shy bird.

There's a s.h.i.+ny lining to every hat.

The longest dinner will come to an end.

You must take the pips with the orange.

It's a wise dentist that knows his own teeth.

No rose without a gardener.

Better to marry in May than not to marry at all.

Save sovereigns, spend guineas.

Too many followers spoil the cook. (N.B. This is _not_ nonsense.)

[Ill.u.s.tration: Profusely decorated with cuts]

SAID AT THE ACADEMY.--_Punch_ doesn't care _who_ said it. It was extremely rude to call the commission on capital punishments the hanging committee.

THE GRAMMAR OF ART.--"Art," spell it with a big or little "a," can never come first in any well-educated person's ideas. "I am" must have the place of honour; then "Thou Art!" so apostrophised, comes next.

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Scrumble._ "Been to see the old masters?"