Sex-education Part 12

[Sidenote: Habits.]

As in the case of boys of adolescent years, there should be enough teaching to warn against harmful habits. Such knowledge may possibly be of personal application to a few girls and it will be of use to many girls who will later as mothers or teachers have the care of small children.

[Sidenote: Knowledge concerning men.]

I find that many thoughtful mothers and women physicians think that girls in late adolescent years should learn from some reliable source the most general facts regarding male structure and function. Here again the strong argument is that the majority will have the care of small children. Such instruction has often been given as part of courses in biology and physiology and also in special lectures. It is certain that some parents will favor such instruction, and others will regard it as indecent to suggest that girls should have any such knowledge. There will always be some parents who will let their daughters face life-problems blindly.

[Sidenote: Mothercraft.]

Sometime in adolescent years girls should learn the scientific facts regarding mothercraft or the care of small children. This phase of the s.e.x-education is rapidly attracting attention from those who are interested in practical arts education, and before many years pa.s.s it will probably be treated adequately in connection with household arts in schools and colleges. I have already referred to household arts in general as making a decided contribution to the larger s.e.x-education which works for harmonious adjustment of the s.e.xes in the home.

FOOTNOTES:

[14] Both books by M.A. and Anna N. Bigelow.

[15] Sets of drawings and lantern slides for the biological introduction to s.e.x may be obtained from the American Social Hygiene a.s.sociation, 105 W. 40th St., New York City.

[16] The instructor of young men should not allow confusion to arise from the recent contention of some medical men that emissions are abnormal or unnatural because they are not known to occur in animals.

Certain it is that they are adaptations to changes caused by enforced s.e.xual restraint after the seminal secretions begin with p.u.b.erty. Such restraint is, of course, abnormal or unnatural if we compare with animals; but many of our acts are unnatural and not necessarily unhealthful. For instance, the sedentary life of the student or professional worker is abnormal or unnatural, but it need not be unhealthful, if hygienic adaptations are made. Likewise, seminal emissions are unnatural for primitive men or animals without s.e.xual restraint, but this does not mean that they are unhealthful for self-controlled men. Here, as in many other cases, comparison with animals is misleading and does not teach us useful facts concerning human s.e.xual functioning. The truth is that physicians have no evidence of harm from emissions that are not caused by voluntary activity.

VIII

SPECIAL s.e.x-INSTRUCTION FOR ADOLESCENT BOYS AND YOUNG MEN

[Sidenote: Methods and teachers.]

In this lecture I shall discuss a number of problems in the relations of men to women which ought somehow to be made clear to boys who are in transition to manhood. I can do little more than point out the lines along which it is desirable that young men should be informed and influenced; for I confess that I do not know any guaranteed pedagogical method for teaching along these lines. So far as I can now see, it seems to me that a good beginning would consist in getting the best ideas before young men by lectures, books, and personal conversations.

Here more than in any other phase of s.e.x-education the influence of personality is of great importance. Many an ordinary teacher or lecturer may well present the cold facts of biological science that help interpret s.e.x, but one who does not by his personal qualities command the entire confidence of his hearers is worse than useless in presenting to young men such problems as those outlined in this lecture under the following subheadings: Developing young men's att.i.tude towards womanhood; developing ideals of love and marriage; reasons for pre-marital continence; essential knowledge concerning prost.i.tution; need of more refinement in men; dancing as a s.e.x problem for men; dress as a s.e.xual appeal; the problem of self-control; the mental side of a young man's s.e.x life.

-- 30. _Developing Att.i.tude towards Womanhood_

[Sidenote: Influence of ideals.]

Many there are among the believers in the larger s.e.x-education who feel sure that a young man's greatest safety lies in having high ideals of womanhood. I have known a number of men who pa.s.sed unscathed through the storm and stress of early manhood because each of them could say, as Tennyson makes the lover confess to Princess Ida, "from earlier than I know, immersed in rich foreshadowings of the world, I loved the woman." Some of these men learned to love "the woman" in the abstract, in the dream world, perhaps as the "brushwood girl" of Kipling. Others first loved "the woman" through boyhood sweethearts. Still others came to love her through mothers who inspired them with reverence for womanhood and motherhood.

..."Happy he With such a mother! faith in womankind Beats with his blood, and trust in all things high comes easy to him."

(Tennyson)

But it matters little for the future purity of the boy on the threshold of manhood whether he has learned to love "the woman" in the dreamland of youth or in the very real world of life. It is simply a question of the intensity of the devotion and of the loftiness of the ideals which She has aroused within him.

[Sidenote: Who may influence boys.]

Now, we of the older generation, who as parents and teachers are largely the makers of the boy's view of life, may play a very important part in developing in him a love for "the woman," a reverence for womanhood. The greatest opportunity falls to the lot of that mother whose natural gifts and education adapt her for impressing her son profoundly with appreciation of womanhood. The next greatest opportunity comes to the woman who as an instructor in school, church, or other inst.i.tution comes into intimate relations that sometimes give the teacher greater influence than the mother is able or willing to exert. Finally, we must not discount the value of men's cooperation in this problem, for many a boy's att.i.tude towards women is largely the reflection of what he has seen in his father and in other men, particularly in his teachers both secular and religious.

Now, while the direct influence of personality is most important in this problem of developing a young man's att.i.tude towards women, organized educational effort should not be neglected. It is important that both men and women help by encouraging young men to read good literature that un.o.btrusively tends to introduce them to the best in womanhood (see -- 23); and by discussing with them, as opportunity offers, the higher ideals of the relations.h.i.+ps between men and women.

-- 31. _Developing Ideals of Love and Marriage_

Closely a.s.sociated with high ideals of womanhood is necessarily a pure understanding of love, even in its physical basis. While preparing this lecture I discovered that James Oliphant (in the _International Journal of Ethics_, Vol. 9, pp. 288-289, 1898) has well expressed some of the views that in a more or less unformulated shape have been in my mind for years.

[Sidenote: Ideals of love in art.]

"If the true preparation for love and marriage is, as I hold it to be, to learn to a.s.sociate physical pa.s.sion with the higher emotions developed by social sympathy--with a single-hearted devotion that demands courage, and self-sacrifice and considerate forethought and tenderness; if we wish to bind all these qualities together in the imagination of the young and clothe the conception with every attribute of beauty that fancy can devise, how can we forego the precious opportunities that lie to our hand in the persuasive witchery of art? The power that may be exercised in the formation of character by the presentment of ideal types is as yet very imperfectly utilized. Love is _par excellence_ the theme of the artist, and young people will soon find this out for themselves; but there is a wide difference in the degrees of idealization, and, while we concern ourselves to exclude the grosser forms, we neglect the only effective means of accomplis.h.i.+ng this, namely, the persistent presentation of the sentiment in its n.o.blest examples. It is the prevalent idea that the longer we can keep all notions of love, even in its romantic guise, out of children's heads, the better it will be for them.

Surely it would be a wiser policy to fill their minds as soon as they are able to receive them, with the creations of art in which love is represented in its sublimest aspects. The youth who is familiar with the love-stories of Shakespeare, and George Eliot, and Meredith, will suffer little harm from the gilded sensualism of the Restoration drama. Let us hasten to implant the images of beauty that will keep the soul sweet and wholesome, and free from the taint of any later influences, however sordid these may be."

In the lecture on marriage as offering one of the problems for the larger s.e.x-education (-- 12) and in the reference to general literature in -- 23, I have called attention to literature which will be suggestive and useful to those who are considering the young man's att.i.tude towards love and marriage.

-- 32. _Reasons for Pre-marital Continence of Men_

Recognizing the fact that moral considerations fail to reach many people, the following points should be emphasized in trying to show young men practical reasons why they should avoid pre-marital s.e.xual relations.

[Sidenote: Continence and health.]

(1) Young men ought to know that many eminent physicians and physiologists agree that it has not been proved that continence injures the health of men who make an effort to avoid s.e.xual temptations.

Physicians of the highest standing never advise extra-marital or immoral relations, for they are far more likely to injure health than to improve it, and they surely injure character and reputation. On this question of continence young men should read such pamphlets as "s.e.xual Necessity" by Howell and Keyes; "The Young Man's Problem" and "Health and Hygiene of s.e.x" by Morrow; "The Physician's Answer" and "The Rational s.e.x Life for Men" by Exner.[17] Also, see pp. 183-190 in Geddes and Thomson's "s.e.x."

Dr. Exner's "Physician's Answer" is based on the following declaration which was signed by about three hundred of the foremost physicians of America:

"In view of the individual and social dangers which spring from the widespread belief that continence may be detrimental to health, and of the fact that munic.i.p.al toleration of prost.i.tution is sometimes defended on the ground that s.e.xual indulgence is necessary, we, the undersigned, members of the medical profession, testify to our belief that continence has not been shown to be detrimental to health or virility; that there is no evidence of its being inconsistent with the highest physical, mental, and moral efficiency; and that it offers the only sure reliance for s.e.xual health outside of marriage."

[Sidenote: Psychical results of incontinence.]

(2) It ought to be significant to young men that many men who are now in the thirties or forties look back upon their youthful errors with profound regret. Many such men testify that unforgettable immoral experiences keep them from reaching the heights of love with their wives. One of my friends, a well-known physician, recently met in his office within two or three months seven men of high standing who are now happily married, but who feel that conjugal life is short of its full aesthetic possibilities because of the ever-present remembrance of early s.e.xual mistakes.

[Sidenote: Physical results.]

(3) While the above refers to the psychical effect of youthful errors, young men should learn that there is also a physical side to the same problem. Eminent physicians a.s.sert that many men have completely and permanently destroyed their s.e.xual functions by extensive dissipations, either by masturbation or by natural relations; and that very many more have injured themselves so that perfection of the physical basis of love and marriage is impossible.

[Sidenote: Possible diseases.]

(4) The probability of venereal infection by pre-marital relations and the danger of transmission to innocent wives and children should be presented to all young men as a strong ethical appeal for continence (see -- 7).

[Sidenote: Purity for purity.]

(5) The "fair play" or "square deal" appeal to young men should be based on the fact that most for young men who are unchaste demand purity of the girls they claim as sisters, friends, or sweethearts; and yet they help drag down other women. An honorable man should be willing to play fairly and give purity for purity.

[Sidenote: Responsibility.]

(6) The grave responsibility of young men whose unchast.i.ty is connected with illegitimacy or with the organized social evil should be made a strong point in appeals for pre-marital abstinence.

[Sidenote: s.e.xuality and affection.]