Sex-education Part 15

[Sidenote: Reasons not same as for men.]

In the preceding lecture to the parents and teachers of young men I emphasized the importance of developing the young man's ideals of love and marriage primarily because such ideals have so often helped men morally in character-formation and character-protection. I feel sure that this is not the chief reason why the ideals of young women should be developed along parallel lines. On the contrary, it seems to me that those representative women are right who think that the first reason why ideals of young women should be influenced is that there is need of a radical change in the att.i.tude of a very common type of young women who are flippant and disrespectful concerning love and marriage, and whose influence on the morals of men is decidedly bad because they often give unguided young men their first and strongest impressions concerning women. A second reason, which is equally applicable to both s.e.xes, is that advance understanding of the relations of love and marriage is likely to lead to happy and satisfactory adjustment in marriage.

[Sidenote: Men naturally lead in love.]

Perhaps the flippant and disrespectful att.i.tude concerning affairs of the heart develops in many young women because they do not consciously feel in advance of experience the demand for affection which comes so naturally and spontaneously to many, possibly to all, normal young men whose views of life have not been artificially twisted. I fully realize the treacherous nature of the ground on which walks one who tries to compare the two s.e.xes concerning their relative att.i.tudes towards love, but certain it is that the novelist's descriptions of men as the leaders and aggressors in love is not fiction but the common fact of real life. Man's tendency towards leaders.h.i.+p in love is not scientifically explained by any superficial a.s.sumption that established social conventions have repressed an original spontaneity of women. On the contrary, there are the best of physiological and psychological reasons for believing that the social conventions have arisen as an expression of masculine aggressiveness and natural tendency towards leaders.h.i.+p in affairs of the heart. The accepted fact is that many young women have no understanding of or demand for affection until experience has taught them its place in life. In the records of real life, as well as in fiction, many a young woman's possibilities of happiness have been lost because she did not understand herself when love came into her experience.

[Sidenote: Affection in marriage.]

Another side to the problem of the young woman's relation to love and marriage is brought to our attention by the lamentable fact that many wives lose interest in devoted husbands when the children come. This is probably true in at least half the families; and many matrimonial disharmonies are the result. This is really one of the greatest problems of marriage which cultured women should consider seriously; for even more than in most other s.e.x problems, it is one for the solution of which women are in a position to take the leading part.

This problem is especially important in these days when the household inefficiency, personal extravagance, and desire for social position of numerous young women of eighteen to thirty are having an enormous influence in advancing the age of marriage because many of the best types of young men pause and consider seriously the impossibility of adjusting a small salary to the ideas of their women friends as to what is the minimum of a family budget. Add to such facts a growing pessimism of young men regarding inconstant affections of wives with children, and the need of special educational attack is evident.

[Sidenote: The duty of parents.]

From whatever side we look at the question whether the larger s.e.x-education should somehow try to mold the ideals of young women with regard to love and marriage, we see reasons why parents should encourage their maturing daughters to get some advance understanding of such relation. If parents are themselves unable to help their daughters to this understanding, they can at least exert great influence by their own att.i.tude, and they can approve the reading of books, and perhaps there may be opportunity for hearing lectures by women who understand life.

[Sidenote: Books.]

With regard to good literature that will help in this line, there are chapters in many of the books mentioned at the end of this lecture, and in more or less indirect form in the general literature suggested in the preceding lectures concerning young men, and in -- 12 which deals with the general educational problem of marriage.

-- 41. _Reasons for Pre-marital Continence of Women_

[Sidenote: Many women do not need reasons.]

Many women who have lived protected lives have declared themselves unable to understand why a young woman should need reasons for pre-marital continence; and these women are probably right so far as the great majority of the daughters of families in good social conditions are concerned. As pointed out in earlier lectures, there is abundant evidence that the average adolescent girl who is protected against external s.e.xual stimuli and influenced constantly by the prevailing ideals which demand chast.i.ty of women, is not likely to need any arguments why she should avoid pre-marital incontinence. Moreover, there seems to be little danger that the average girl with good social environment will ever question her ideals of chast.i.ty unless under the stress of overwhelming affection; in other words, there is little possibility that such women will be interested in the strictly mechanical, non-affectionate, and unsentimental s.e.xual relations which must inevitably characterize the common prost.i.tution of men.

[Sidenote: Unprotected girls.]

Note that I am referring to the average young woman in good social environment, and for the moment omitting the vast cla.s.s of so-called "unprotected" girls. Moreover, I am speaking of the "average," and I am not forgetting that medical journals and books record many exceptions.

Nevertheless, we must not be misled by medical literature, for naturally the physician sees the women whose lack of health leads them to seek professional advice, and it is well known that in s.e.xual lines women commonly become decidedly unhealthy before they consult physicians. As testimony concerning the average normal women, I have the greatest confidence in the statements of thoughtful women with sound scientific att.i.tude; and such are my authority for the view that maintaining pre-marital continence is not one of the serious problems for the average young woman with good domestic and social environment.

Now, while I admit in advance that the problem of pre-marital continence is not of great significance in the personal lives of the great majority of the type of women who are likely to hear or read this lecture, I do believe that this is the type of women who ought to think over the problem as it concerns the atypical girl of good social groups and the "unprotected" girl of more unfortunate groups. I cannot see, therefore, why it is not best and safest that all girls should learn from parents or reliable books or teachers the main reasons for pre-marital chast.i.ty.

[Sidenote: The girl who needs help.]

The atypical girls of good social groups who need guidance regarding pre-marital continence are of two types: either one with intensive s.e.xuality which is often modifiable by medical or surgical treatment; or one of probably normal instincts but with radical s.e.xual philosophy.

The first type needs not only emphatic instruction regarding continence, but more often medical help, either for general health or for correction of localized s.e.xual disturbance. The second type must be treated exactly as suggested for young men, because they are the women whose anarchistic repudiation of laws and convention in general has led to their acceptance of a _single_ standard of morality for men and women, but one of freedom from monogamic ideals. This type of women, long well known in the student groups of Paris and in Russian universities, is becoming more and more evident in America, especially among some well-educated young women who have dropped their ideals of chast.i.ty because they have found attractiveness in more or less superficial studies of radical socialism. Many of these radical women frankly say that they would like to marry the "right man," but failing to find that rare species, they claim their right to s.e.xual freedom in more or less capricious liaisons. Others of these women are so highly individualized that marriage is beneath their contempt, either because it will "interfere with a career" or because the legal aspects and ecclesiastical ceremonies still suggest the old-time subjection of the wife to the husband. Women who are in a position to know from personal knowledge of radical people declare that there are still relatively few educated women who deliberately cut loose from monogamic standards; and that they are most commonly found among certain intimate and unconventional groups of students and professional workers, especially those who are united in "Bohemian life" by artistic or literary interests. But while such s.e.xually anarchistic women are not common in America, there is reason for fearing that, unless some unexpected check comes to this undercurrent towards s.e.xual freedom, it may be found ten or twenty years hence that a surprisingly large number, but _never a majority_, of unmarried young women have fallen into the s.e.xual promiscuity that is so common among unmarried men of the same ages.

[Sidenote: Radical s.e.x literature.]

Chief of the influences that lead a certain number of well-educated young women towards s.e.xual freedom is radical printed matter. We are now getting in America a wide distribution of bold literature of the "free love" type, some of it with a scientific superficiality that will convince many beginners in the study of s.e.xual problems. Much of this literature is translation or adaptation of books and articles by European authors; and I have previously remarked that abroad the ideals of s.e.xual morality--and judging from the Great War, of morality in other lines--is frankly quite different from that upheld here. But some of this radical literature is American in origin. In addition to certain books and pamphlets, which might be advertised by giving names, I think of two New York medical journals, with a popular circulation, edited by a successful but much criticized physician, which rarely publish an issue without frank approval and even arguments for extra-marital relations other than prost.i.tution, particularly for those who for one reason or another, unwelcome or voluntary, are leading celibate lives. The influence of such writings on young women who are inclined towards radicalism in all things is probably enormous, and it is unfortunate that vigorous opposition literature is not published and widely circulated.

[Sidenote: Same instruction as for men.]

In conclusion, it is clear that the problem of pre-marital continence is not limited to young men, for the "unprotected" girl from a low-grade home and environment, and the uninformed girl from the best of homes, and the radical girl from the most educated circles may, innocently or deliberately, select the pathway to unchast.i.ty. For these kinds of young women the educational problem is the same as for young men. They should have essentially the same instruction. And, in the case of both s.e.xes, it is only by contrasting the good and evil that education can point out the worth-whileness of chast.i.ty.

[Sidenote: Indirect responsibility.]

There is a special aspect of the problem of pre-marital chast.i.ty of men that young women should understand, and that is their indirect responsibility for the unchast.i.ty of many men. In discussing dancing (-- 35) and extreme dress (-- 36), it has been indicated that women as a s.e.x have a tremendous responsibility for the temptations of men. The same is true in the case of flirting or more extreme familiarities with men. However sure a young woman may feel of her own power of self-control, she should not consider lightly her possible part in a chain of events which may lead men to unchast.i.ty with other women. Many a man driven into the white heat of pa.s.sion by thoughtless or deliberate acts of a pure girl has gone direct to seek relief of tension in the underworld. Of course, the girl in this case is not directly responsible for the downfall of the man; but I wonder if there is not moral, if not legal, responsibility for one who knowingly leads or helps another to the brink of a precipice from which he voluntarily falls.

I am perfectly well aware that many good people will be horrified by the very suggestion that young women should be taught their responsibility for their men a.s.sociates. Some will declare that the advocates of s.e.x-education propose to destroy the innocence and romance in young women's lives. Others of the horrified ones will remain complacent because they believe that unchast.i.ty is caused by "innate depravity" of men. I am sorry to disagree with such people who are sincere, but the established facts point clearly to the conclusion that it is the duty of the mothers and teachers of girls to make them understand their relations to men and their responsibility for helping young men avoid s.e.xual temptations. This is necessary when innocence stands in the way of the maximum safety and happiness of young people.

-- 42. _Need of Optimistic and aesthetic Views of s.e.x by Women_

[Sidenote: Many women pessimistic concerning s.e.xuality.]

The most significant point in the s.e.x-education movement at present is the fact that numerous women of the most intelligent groups are tending rapidly towards accepting an optimistic and aesthetic view of s.e.xual relations.h.i.+ps so far as these are normal and ethical and guided by affection. However, this higher philosophy of s.e.xual life is still very far from being universal among educated women, and it is probably true that to the great majority of them s.e.xuality has no aesthetic meaning but is simply a very troublesome physical function and an animal method for perpetuating the human species. That such an att.i.tude should be common is not surprising, for in recent years numerous educated women have gained abundant information concerning abnormal s.e.xuality, while very few have caught glimpses of the higher possibilities of the s.e.xual functions. The truth is that it has been and still is difficult for most women to get well-balanced knowledge of s.e.xual normality.

There are hundreds of books and pamphlets that deal with amazing boldness with the s.e.xual mistakes of human life, but there is not in general circulation to-day any printed matter which deals with normal s.e.xual life with anything like the frankness and directness that is common in widely circulated literature on social vice and its concomitant diseases. Likewise, it is difficult for women to get the true view of s.e.xual life from personal sources, for the vulgar side of s.e.xuality is the one usually discussed by most people, some of whom revel in obscenity, some have had personal experiences that have caused ineradicable bitterness, and some more or less sincerely believe that knowledge of vice is of value as a safeguard or an antidote. The bright side of the s.e.xual story is rarely told in conversation, either because it is unfamiliar or because it is the sacred secret between pairs of individuals who together have found life in all its completeness.

[Sidenote: aesthetic outlook.]

Fortunately, this depressing emphasis on s.e.xual abnormality is beginning to disappear, and we see sure signs of coming attention to s.e.xual health rather than to disease and to purity rather than to vice.

Leading women are beginning to give, through the impersonal medium of science and general literature, some definite and helpful testimony concerning the pathway to the essential good that is bound up in s.e.xuality. It is especially important that young women of culture should be helped to this point of view, and as far as possible before they learn much concerning the dark problems that have originated from failure to keep s.e.xual functions sacred to affection and possible parenthood. The educated women of to-day who have acquired and retained faith in the essential goodness of human s.e.xual possibilities, and who at the same time have an understanding of the mistakes that weak humans are wont to make, are sure to play a most important part as teachers and mothers and leaders in the movement which is already guiding numerous intelligent men and women to a purified and n.o.ble view of the s.e.xual relations.h.i.+ps. As I see the big problems that demand s.e.x-education, the future will depend largely upon the att.i.tude of women. It is an essential part of the feministic movement. In the past there have been many alarming signs of a destructive s.e.x antagonism that charged men with full responsibility for existing s.e.x problems.

But the advance guards of feminism are beginning to recognize that there are all-essential relations.h.i.+ps between the s.e.xes, and that only in s.e.x cooperation can there be any permanent solution of the great questions. It is a great advance from the s.e.x hostility of Christabel Pankhurst's "Plain Facts on a Great Evil" to the co-working att.i.tude of Louise Creighton's "Social Disease and How to Fight It," of Olive Schreiner's "Woman and Labor," of Ellen Key's "Love and Marriage," and of Gascoigne Hartley's "Truth About Woman," all of which give us hope that women with optimistic and aesthetic interpretation of s.e.x are coming to take the lead towards a better understanding of the relations of s.e.x and life.

-- 43. _Other Problems for Young Women_

Concerning several other problems that have been discussed with special reference to young men, it seems best that all young women should be informed sometime between sixteen and twenty-two, the age limit depending upon maturity of the individual, home life, and social environment.

[Sidenote: Prost.i.tution.]

With regard to prost.i.tution, it seems important that girls should know the essential facts recommended in the lecture concerning boys. The "unprotected" girl of low-grade environment will often need some of this knowledge before she is fourteen (and in some cases, even twelve) years old. On the other hand, the average "protected" girl need not know until several years later. It seems possible that too early familiarity with the existence of s.e.xual vice might tend to make some young women accept it as part of the established order of things; and, hence, the girl whose environment is protective and whose moral training has been complete will be perfectly safe without knowledge of vice and will be more likely to take an opposition att.i.tude if she learns the facts concerning prost.i.tution when she is approaching maturity. Even then the essential information should be given in such a way that the young woman will see the gravity of the social situation and, at the same time, not develop a spirit of s.e.x hostility. Here, again, I must recommend Louise Creighton's "Social Disease and How to Fight It" as not only pointing out the nature of the great evil, but also recognizing that the existing situation can never be improved except by the sympathetic cooperation of the best men and women.

[Sidenote: Dancing.]

With regard to dancing, young girls should be taught that certain forms of this exercise are not approved by the most refined people. Before maturity, they should not know the physiological reason for this disapproval. In fact, I know many men and women who think it best that most women, even mature, should not have their attention called to the s.e.xual dangers of dancing. For my part, I cannot see how women with such ignorance can cooperate with the best men in reducing the admitted dangers to a minimum.

[Sidenote: Dress.]

With regard to dress as a s.e.xual problem, some mothers think they can handle the problem with their young daughters by emphasizing modesty and without further explanation; but the drawing power of fas.h.i.+ons is so great that most young women are quick to revise their ideas of modesty to suit the latest style. Is it too much to hope that large numbers of young women would accept such facts as were stated in the lecture for young men (-- 36), and would be sincere enough to dress so that their attractiveness may appeal more to the aesthetic and less to the physical natures of men?

[Sidenote: Merely a man's views.]

In this lecture concerning the special teaching of young women, I have attempted nothing more than an outline of the impressions that I have gained from books and from representative women who are interested in the larger s.e.x-education. I have not tried to make the discussion as extensive as that for young men, first, because I cannot believe that young women in general need so much special instruction; and, second, because only women can adequately advise concerning the s.e.x-educational problems of young women. However, since the women who might be expected to know the truth about women have failed to agree on so many points, it may be worth while for a man to contribute some suggestions based on the most scientific information offered by some very reliable women.

[Sidenote: Books.]

Among the books which touch the special problems for young women, I am most favorably impressed by the following: Hall's "Life Problems" in the first thirty-two pages is adapted for girls of twelve to fourteen, and the remainder for older girls. Some parents are not enthusiastic about the story form, but the facts are well selected and presented.

The last chapter of Smith's "Three Gifts of Life" is worth reading, but the first chapters are unscientific. For almost mature young women, there are chapters of Rummel's "Womanhood and Its Development," of Wood-Allen's "What a Young Woman Should Know," of Lowry's "Herself,"

and of Galbraith's "Four Epochs of a Woman's Life." The last two are decidedly medical in point of view. The part for girls in Scharlieb and Sibley's "Youth and s.e.x," and some chapters of March's "Towards Racial Health," are good. The last two chapters of Geddes and Thomson's "s.e.x"

will be appreciated by many intellectual young women. Hepburn's sentimental little story "The Perfect Gift" (Crist Co., 3) has helped many young people improve their aesthetic outlook. There are some helpful ideas in Henderson's "What It Is To Be Educated" (Houghton Mifflin Co.). While disagreeing (-- 46) with Dr. Richard Cabot's extreme emphasis on a mystical religious solution for problems of s.e.x, I recognize that many young women have been helped by his "The Christian Approach to Social Morality" (Y.W.C.A.), and by his "What Men Live By."