Five Plays Part 36

JIM

That's like them. That's very like them. Yes, they'd do that!

_The curtain falls and the laughter still howls on._

THE LOST SILK HAT

PERSONS

THE CALLER THE LABORER THE CLERK THE POET THE POLICEMAN

_Scene: A fas.h.i.+onable London street._

THE LOST SILK HAT

_The Caller stands on a doorstep, "faultlessly dressed," but without a hat. At first he shows despair, then a new thought engrosses him._

_Enter the Laborer._

THE CALLER

Excuse me a moment. Excuse me--but--I'd be greatly obliged to you if--if you could see your way--in fact, you can be of great service to me if--

THE LABORER

Glad to do what I can, sir.

CALLER

Well, all I really want you to do is just to ring that bell and go up and say--er--say that you've come to see to the drains, or anything like that, you know, and get hold of my hat for me.

LABORER

Get hold of your 'at!

CALLER

Yes. You see, I left my hat behind most unfortunately. It's in the drawing-room (_points to window_), that room there, half under the long sofa, the far end from the door. And if you could possibly go and get it, why I'd be (_The Laborer's expression changes_)--Why, what's the matter?

LABORER (_firmly_)

I don't like this job.

CALLER

Don't like this job! But my dear fellow, don't be silly, what possible harm--?

LABORER

Ah-h. That's what I don't know.

CALLER

But what harm can there possibly be in so simple a request? What harm does there seem to be?

LABORER

Oh, it seems all right.

CALLER

_Well_, then.

LABORER

All these crack jobs do seem all right.

CALLER

But I'm not asking you to rob the house.

LABORER

Don't seem as if you are, certainly, but I don't like the looks of it; what if there's things what I can't 'elp taking when I gets inside?

CALLER

I only want my hat--Here, I say, please don't go away--here's a sovereign, it will only take you a minute.

LABORER

_What I want to know_--

CALLER

Yes?

LABORER

--Is what's _in_ that hat?