Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 16

Invitations to a ball should be issued in the name of the hostess only.

When the host is a widower, with a grown-up daughter, the invitations should be issued in their joint names.

When the host is a widower, or a bachelor, they should be issued in his name.

Invitations issued by officers, members of hunt committees, bachelors, etc., to their b.a.l.l.s, either request the pleasure or the honour of Mrs.

----'s company; but this formula should not be used by ladies when issuing invitations; the "at home" card should simply bear the word "Dancing" on the bottom of the card, the hour and date filled in in the allotted s.p.a.ce, the name of the guest written at the top of the card.

In the case of a written invitation, it would be correct to use the words "ball" or "dance" when alluding to the entertainment about to be given, in a friendly note.

A lady or gentleman might ask for an invitation for his or her friend to a ball given by an acquaintance, although the acquaintances.h.i.+p were of a slight character; but a lady or gentleman should not ask for an invitation to a ball if unacquainted with the giver of it. The fact of mutual friends having received invitations to a ball gives no claim upon the hospitality of a stranger, therefore such requests are inadmissible.

The proper course for a person to pursue in the event of desiring an invitation to a ball given by some one with whom he or she is unacquainted, is to request some mutual friend to obtain one; and this course is always followed.

=Cards should be left= by the guests present at a ball within the current week if possible. (See Chapter III.)

=Gratuities= should never be given by the guests to the servants of the house where a ball is given.

=State b.a.l.l.s.=--Two State b.a.l.l.s are annually given at Buckingham Palace during the London season by command of His Majesty. Invitations are issued by the Lord Chamberlain, but His Majesty previously revises the list.

When ladies and gentlemen attend a State Ball at Buckingham Palace they make their way to the ball-room _unannounced_; and there is no official reception accorded to them, either by "Royalty" or by the Lord Chamberlain.

Dancing does not commence until the arrival of the royal party, when the guests rise and remain standing while the Royal Quadrille--with which the ball opens--is being danced.

The King and Queen act as host and hostess on these occasions, but confine their attentions to those with whom they are personally acquainted.

Ladies attending a State Ball at Buckingham Palace should wear the usual full evening dress; but they should not wear Court trains, or plumes, or lappets.

Gentlemen attending State b.a.l.l.s should wear uniform or full Court dress--dress coat, breeches and silk stockings, shoes and buckles; trousers can only be worn as part of a uniform, and not with a Court dress as generally worn at a levee.

A gentleman intending to dance should remove his sword, otherwise he should not do so.

When the Court is in mourning, ladies attending a State Ball should wear mourning according to the official notice which duly appears in the _Gazette_.

Gentlemen should wear c.r.a.pe on the left arm, which is supplied in the cloak-room of the Palace to those who have forgotten to provide themselves with it, as it is imperative, when the Court is in mourning, that a band of c.r.a.pe should be worn at either State Ball or State Concert.

The b.a.l.l.s given by the princes and princesses of the blood royal are not State b.a.l.l.s, therefore Court dress is not worn by the gentlemen present.

They act as host and hostess at the b.a.l.l.s given by them and receive their guests, shaking hands with them as they are announced.

Ladies and gentlemen do not take their cards of invitation with them to Buckingham Palace.

CHAPTER XIII

DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT

=Dinner= giving is perhaps the most important of all social observances, therefore dinner-parties rank first amongst all entertainments.

Dinner giving is so thoroughly understood to rest upon the principle of an equivalent, that those who do not give dinners hardly come within the category of diners out. This rule, however, is open to many exceptions in favour of privileged individuals, popular and prominent members of society whose presence at dinner-parties is appreciated and welcomed in most circles.

Dinner-parties are of more frequent occurrence, and are of more social significance, than any other form of entertainment.

=Dinner Invitations.=--An invitation to dinner conveys a greater mark of esteem, or friends.h.i.+p and cordiality, towards the guest invited, than is conveyed by an invitation to any other social gathering, it being the highest compliment, socially speaking, that is offered by one person to another. It is also a civility that can be readily interchanged, which in itself gives it an advantage over all other civilities.

The orthodox dinner giver must necessarily possess a certain amount of wealth, and wealth and wit do not always go hand in hand. Oftener than not, the former rather overweights the latter; hence, the introduction of a lighter element in the form of amusing people whose _metier_ in life it is to be amusing and to appear amused.

Dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position occupied in society by the dinner giver, but it is also a direct road to obtaining a recognised place in society. A means of enlarging a limited acquaintance and a reputation for giving good dinners is in itself a pa.s.sport to fas.h.i.+onable society. Dinner giving, in the fullest sense of the word, is a science not easily acquired, so much depending on the talent which the host or hostess may possess for organising dinner-parties.

When a large dinner-party is contemplated, it is usual to give three weeks' notice, but of late this notice has been extended to four, five, and even six weeks.

Diners out are rather inclined to rebel against this innovation, considering that an invitation bearing the date of a month hence pledges them to remain in town, and as it were controls their movements, for the acceptance of an invitation is in the eyes of diners out a binding obligation; only ill-health, family bereavement, or some all-important reason justifies its being set on one side or otherwise evaded.

Those inconsiderate enough to make trivial excuses at the last moment are not often retained on the dinner-list of a host or hostess.

Dinner invitations are issued in the joint names of host and hostess.

The master of the house occupies a prominent position amongst his guests, when dispensing hospitality as a "dinner giver."

From five to ten days' notice is considered sufficient for invitations to small and unceremonious dinner-parties.

Printed cards are in general use in town for issuing dinner invitations, and can be purchased from any stationer; these cards only require to be filled in with the names of host and hostess and guests, date, hour, and address. The united names of the host and hostess should be written in the s.p.a.ce left for that purpose. Thus, "Mr. and Mrs. A.," and the name or names of the guests in the next vacant s.p.a.ce.

When invitations are issued for small dinner-parties, it is more usual to write notes than to make use of printed cards.

Acceptances or refusals of dinner invitations should be sent with as little delay as possible after the invitations have been received. It is a want of courtesy on the part of a person invited not to do so, as a hostess is otherwise left in doubt as to whether the person invited intends dining with her or not, and is consequently unable to fill up the vacant place with an eligible subst.i.tute; thus rendering her dinner-party an ill-a.s.sorted one.

An answer to an invitation cannot be solicited in a subsequent note; it is therefore inc.u.mbent upon the invited person to dispatch an answer within a day or two at least. Dinner invitations are either sent by post or by a servant, and the answers are also conveyed in a like manner.

Dinner invitations are invariably sent out by the hostess.

It is not usual in town to invite more than three members of one family; it is now the custom to ask young ladies with their parents to dinner-parties.

=Receiving Dinner-Guests.=--The guests should arrive within fifteen minutes of the hour named on the invitation card.

On no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in the case of dining out; formerly many allowed themselves great lat.i.tude in this respect, and a long wait for the tardy guests was the result. A host and hostess frequently waited over half an hour for expected guests. But now punctuality has become the rule in the highest circles, and dinner is served within twenty minutes of the arrival of the first guest. In general, people much given to dining out make a point of arriving in good time; but there are many in society who presume upon their position, and are proverbially unpunctual, knowing that in the height of the season a hostess would wait half an hour rather than sit down to dinner without them; but this want of consideration soon becomes known in their different sets, and is always taken into account when "their company is requested at dinner."

In France, it is not the rule, or the custom, to wait dinner for late arrivals, and the dinner is served punctually to the hour named in the invitation.

The dinner-hour varies from eight to nine, although perhaps 8.30 is the most usual hour. In the country it ranges from 7.30 to 8.30.