Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 17

Punctuality on the part of the guests enables the hostess to make any introductions she may consider advisable before dinner is served.

The host and hostess should be in readiness to receive their guests in the drawing-room at the hour specified on the card.

On arrival, a lady should take off her cloak in the cloak-room, or should leave it in the hall with the servant in attendance, before entering the drawing-room.

A gentleman should leave his overcoat and hat in the gentlemen's cloak-room, or in the hall.

At large dinner-parties, the butler is stationed on the staircase, and announces the guests as they arrive. At small dinner-parties, or where only one man-servant is kept, the servant precedes the guest or guests on their arrival, to the drawing-room. The guests should then give their names to the servant, that he may announce them.

A lady and gentleman, on being announced, should not enter the drawing-room arm-in-arm or side by side. The lady or ladies, if more than one, should enter the room in advance of the gentleman, although the servant announces "Mr., Mrs., and Miss A."

The host and hostess should come forward and shake hands with each guest on arrival. The ladies should at once seat themselves, but gentlemen either stand about the room and talk to each other, or sit down after a wait of some minutes.

When a lady is acquainted with many of the guests present, she should not make her way at once to shake hands with all, but should make an opportunity to do so in an un.o.btrusive manner; it would be sufficient to recognise them by a nod or a smile in the mean time. A lady should bow to any gentleman she knows, and he should cross the room to shake hands with her at once if disengaged.

At a small dinner-party, where the guests are unacquainted, the hostess should introduce the persons of highest rank to each other; but at a large dinner-party, she would not do so, unless she had some especial reason for making the introduction.

In the country, introductions at dinner-parties are far oftener made than in town.

Precedency is strictly observed at all dinner-parties. (See Chapter V.)

=Sending Guests in to Dinner.=--The host should take the lady of highest rank present in to dinner, and the gentleman of highest rank should take the hostess. This rule is absolute, unless the lady or gentleman of highest rank is related to the host or hostess, in which case his or her rank would be in abeyance, out of courtesy to the other guests.

A husband and wife, or a father and daughter, or a mother and son, should not be sent in to dinner together.

A host and hostess should, if possible, invite an equal number of ladies and gentlemen. It is usual to invite two or more gentlemen than there are ladies, in order that the married ladies should not be obliged to go in to dinner with each other's husbands only. Thus, Mrs. A. and Mr. B., Mr. B. and Mrs. A., Mrs. B. should be taken in to dinner by Mr. C., and Mr. A. should take Mrs. G., and so on.

When ladies are in a majority at a dinner-party to the extent of two or three, the ladies of highest rank should be taken in to dinner by the gentlemen present, and the remaining ladies should follow by themselves; but such an arrangement is unusual and undesirable, though sometimes unavoidable when the dinner-party is an impromptu one, for instance, and the notice given has been but a short one.

If there should be one gentleman short of the number required, the hostess frequently goes in to dinner by herself, following in the wake of the last couple.

The usual mode of sending guests in to dinner is for the host or hostess to inform each gentleman, shortly after his arrival, which of the ladies he is to take in to dinner.

No "choice" is given to any gentleman as to which of the ladies he would prefer taking in to dinner, it being simply a question of precedency.

Should any difficulty arise as to the order in which the guests should follow the host to the dining-room, the hostess, knowing the precedency due to each of her guests, should indicate to each gentleman when it is his turn to descend to the dining-room. He should then offer his arm to the lady whom the host had previously desired him to take in to dinner.

Dinner is announced by the butler or man-servant.

When the guests have arrived, or when the host desires dinner to be served, he should ring or inform the servant accordingly.

On dinner being announced, the host should give his right arm to the lady of highest rank present, and, with her, lead the way to the dining-room, followed by the lady second in rank, with a gentleman second in rank and so on. The gentleman of highest rank present should follow last with the hostess.

When the second couple are about to leave the drawing-room, the hostess frequently requests each gentleman in turn to follow with a lady according to the precedency due to each. Thus, "Mr. A., will you take Mrs. B.?" This also answers the purpose of an introduction, should the couple be unacquainted with each other, and the hostess has not found an opportunity of introducing them to each other on their arrival.

When a case of precedency occurs, in which either the lady or gentleman must waive their right of precedence, that of the gentleman gives way to that of the lady. (See Chapter V.)

A gentleman should offer his right arm to a lady on leaving the drawing-room.

Ladies and gentlemen should not proceed to the dining-room in silence, but should at once enter into conversation with each other. (See the work ent.i.tled "The Art of Conversing.")

On entering the dining-room the lady whom the host has taken in to dinner should seat herself at his right hand. On the Continent this custom is reversed, and it is etiquette for the lady to sit at the left hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken in to dinner.

The host should remain standing in his place, at the bottom of the table, until the guests have taken their seats, and should motion the various couples as they enter the dining-room to the places he wishes them to occupy at the table. This is the most usual method of placing the guests at the dinner-table. When the host does not indicate where they are to sit, they sit near to the host or hostess according to precedency.

The host and hostess should arrange beforehand the places they wish their guests to occupy at the dinner-table.

If a host did not indicate to the guests the various places he wished them to occupy, the result would probably be that husbands and wives would be seated side by side, or uncongenial people would sit together.

The custom of putting a card with the name of the guest on the table in the place allotted to each individual guest is frequently followed at large dinner-parties, and in some instances the name of each guest is printed on a menu and placed in front of each cover.

The host and the lady taken in to dinner by him should sit at the bottom of the table. He should sit in the centre at the bottom of the table and place the lady whom he has taken down at his right hand. The same rule applies to the hostess. She should sit in the centre at the top of the table, the gentleman by whom she has been taken in to dinner being placed at her left hand.

The lady second in rank should sit at the host's left hand.

Each lady should sit at the right hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken in to dinner.

It is solely a matter of inclination whether a lady and gentleman, who have gone in to dinner together, converse with each other only, or with their right-and left-hand neighbours also, but they usually find some topic of conversation in common, otherwise a dinner-party would prove but a succession of _tete-a-tete_.

=The Menus= are placed the length of the table, on an average one to two persons or occasionally one to each person, and the menu cards are elaborate or simple, according to individual taste, and are purchased printed for the purpose, having a s.p.a.ce for the names of the dishes to be filled in, which is usually done by the mistress of the house, unless the establishment is on a large scale, it being usual to write them out in French.

Fanciful menu holders are much in use.

The use of menus would be pretentious at a small dinner-party when there is but little choice of dishes; but when there is a choice of dishes a menu is indispensable.

=The Usual and Fas.h.i.+onable Mode of serving Dinner= is called _Diner a la Russe_, although at small or friendly dinners the host sometimes prefers to carve the joint himself in the first course, and the birds in the second course. But dinner-tables, whether for dining _a la Russe_, or for dining _en famille_, are invariably arranged in the same style, the difference being merely the extent of the display made as regards flowers, plate and gla.s.s, which are the accessories of the dining-table.

When the host helps the soup, a small ladleful for each person is the proper quant.i.ty; a soup-plate should not be filled with soup.

When the party is a small one, and the joints or birds are carved by the host, the portions should be handed to the guests in the order in which they are seated, although occasionally the ladies are helped before the gentlemen.

The rule at all dinner-parties is for the servant to commence serving by handing the dishes to the lady seated at the host's right hand, then to the lady seated at the host's left hand, and from thence the length of the table to each guest in the order seated, irrespective of s.e.x.

Double _entrees_ should be provided at large dinner-parties, and the servants should commence handing the dishes at both sides of the table simultaneously.

_Diner a la Russe_ is the Russian fas.h.i.+on introduced into society many years ago. The whole of the dinner is served from a side-table, no dishes whatever being placed on the table save dishes of fruit.

=Dinner-table Decorations.=--As regards the most correct style of dinner-table decorations, they offer great diversity of arrangement.

High centre pieces and low centre pieces. Low specimen gla.s.ses placed the length of the table and trails of creepers and flowers laid on the table-cloth itself are some of the prevailing features of the day, but table decorations are essentially a matter of taste rather than of etiquette, and the extent of these decorations depends very much upon the size of the plate chest and the length of the purse of the dinner giver.

The fruit for dessert is usually arranged down the centre of the table, amidst the flowers and plate. Some dinner-tables are also adorned with a variety of French conceits besides fruit and flowers; other dinner-tables are decorated with flowers and plate only, the dessert not being placed on the table at all; but this latter mode can only be adopted by those who can make a lavish display of flowers and plate in the place of fruit.

As regards lighting the dinner table. Electric light is now in general use in town, and more or less in the country when possible. When not available, lamps and wax candles are used as heretofore. The shades in use should be carefully chosen as they add greatly to the comfort of the guests and to the success of the lighting. Silver candlesticks are often fitted with small electric lamps, and handsome silver lamps are brought into use in a similar manner for the dinner table.