Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 21

=Going in to Supper= is arranged as far as possible on the following lines, if precedence does not prevent its being carried out. The players at each table who are partners when supper is served go in together. The host leads the way with his partner, and all follow, the hostess and her partner going last.

=Cards should be left= within a week or ten days after a reception.

A married lady should leave one of her own and two of her husband's cards.

A widow should leave one of her own cards.

A bachelor or widower should leave two of his cards. (See Chapter III.)

CHAPTER XVI

WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS

=Afternoon Weddings= are invariably solemnised at 2.30 o'clock. Only very quiet weddings take place in the morning hours. Formerly, it was only the few who were in a position to obtain special licences who could have afternoon weddings.

=Marriage by "Banns"= is greatly in favour in general society. The banns must be published three consecutive weeks previous to the marriage in the parish in which the bridegroom resides, and also in that in which the bride resides, and both should reside fifteen days in their respective parishes previous to the banns being published.

=Marriages by Licence.=--When a marriage is solemnised by licence the cost, with fees and stamps, amounts to 2. This should be obtained at the Faculty Office, or at the Vicar-General's Office, Doctors' Commons, and is available at any church in the parish where one of the parties has resided for fifteen days previous to the application being made for the licence, either in town or country.

When the licence is obtained in the country through a clerical surrogate the cost varies, according to the diocese, from 1 15_s._ to 2 12_s._ 6_d._

=Special Licences= can only be obtained from the Archbishop of Canterbury, after application at the Faculty Office, and an especial reason must be given for the application, and one that will meet with the Archbishop's approval.

The fees for a special marriage licence average 29 5_s._ 6_d._

=The Fees= to the officiating clergymen vary considerably, according to the position and means of the bridegroom, from 1 1_s._ to 5 5_s._, as the inclination of the bridegroom may dictate.

The fee to the verger is subject to a like variation, commencing at 2_s._ 6_d._

All fees relating to a marriage should be defrayed by the bridegroom, and paid by him, or by the best man on his behalf, in the vestry of the church, previous to the ceremony; immediately after it, or some days earlier.

=The Etiquette observed at Weddings= is invariably the same whether the wedding takes place in the morning or in the afternoon, or whether it is a grand wedding or a comparatively small one, whether the guests number two hundred or whether they number twenty.

=The Invitations= should be issued from three weeks to a fortnight before the wedding-day.

The wedding luncheon or wedding reception should be given by the parents of the bride or by her nearest relative, and the invitations should be issued in the names of both parents.

The invitations should be issued in notes printed in ink; they are now seldom printed in silver. The form should be as follows: "Mr. and Mrs.

---- request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. ----'s company at the marriage of their daughter Helen with Mr. John S----, at St. Peter's Church, Hanover Square, on Tuesday, May 8th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at ---- Square. R.S.V.P."

If a stepdaughter, it should be "at the marriage of Mrs. A----'s daughter Helen B----."

=Wedding Presents.=--Every one who is invited to a wedding invariably makes the bride or bridegroom a present; it is the received rule to do so. Many send presents before the invitations are sent out--as soon as the engagement is made known, if it is not to be a long one.

There is no rule as to the time before the wedding-day when the present should be sent; but invitations are usually sent to those who have given presents, even though they live at a considerable distance, and may not be able to attend the wedding.

Wedding presents are displayed on tables of various sizes, according to their number, and if very numerous and valuable, it is not unusual to exhibit them at an afternoon tea, given for the purpose on the day previous to the wedding. Each present should bear the card of the giver attached to it. Presents of silver plate should be placed on a table covered with dark cloth or velvet. It is not unusual to surround the presents with flowers, notably roses, and this is often done by persons of artistic tastes.

=The Bridegroom should provide= the wedding-ring and the bridal bouquet.

The bouquets for the bridesmaids are also the gift of the bridegroom, and should be sent to them on the morning of the wedding. He is also expected to make a present to each bridesmaid--either a brooch, a locket, a bracelet, or a fan, which should either be sent the day before the wedding or on the morning of the wedding-day.

The bridegroom should provide the motor-car to convey himself and his bride from the church to the house where the wedding luncheon and reception are to take place, and again from the house to the railway-station, or, if the journey is made by road, to the place of honeymoon; but frequently the bride's father places his own motor-car at the disposal of the bride and bridegroom for this purpose, especially in the country. The bridal carriage is the only one, according to etiquette, which the bridegroom is expected to provide.

The invited guests should provide their own conveyances, and neither the bridegroom nor the bride's father are ever expected to do so. This should be thoroughly understood by the guests in every case.

The custom of having groomsmen to support the bridegroom is now very general, as at royal weddings, a royal bridegroom being supported by from four to six groomsmen. Two of the groomsmen usually act as ushers and a.s.sist in seating the guests.

=The Best Man= should be a bachelor, although a married man could act in this capacity. He should either accompany the bridegroom to the church or meet him there. He should stand at his right hand during the ceremony--a little in the rear--and should render him the trifling service of handing him his hat at the close of it.

He should sign the register afterwards in the vestry, and should pay the fees to the clergyman and to the verger, on behalf of the bridegroom, either before or after the ceremony, if the bridegroom does not pay them on arrival.

The bridegroom and best man should arrive at the church before the bride, and await her coming, standing at the right-hand side of the chancel gates.

=The Bride= should be driven to the church in her father's motor-car. If she has a sister or sisters, and they officiate as bridesmaids, they, with her mother, should precede her to the church. The motor-car should then return to fetch the bride and her father; but when she has no sisters, her father generally precedes her to the church, and receives her at the church door, her mother accompanying her in the motor-car.

The bridesmaids should arrive some little time before the bride, and form a line on either side of the church porch, or within the church doorway. The mother of the bride usually stands beside them.

When the bride arrives she should take her father's right arm, or the right arm of her eldest brother or nearest male relative, who is deputed to give her away; he should meet her at the church door in the place of her father, and conduct her to the chancel or altar.

At choral weddings the clergy and choir head the bridal procession and lead the way to the chancel, singing a hymn the while.

=The Bridesmaids= should follow the bride and her father up the nave of the church. When the number of bridesmaids is even, four, six, eight, or twelve; but when the number is odd, as five, seven, or nine, and three of them happen to be children, which is generally the case, the elder bridesmaids should walk "two and two," following next after the children.

At fas.h.i.+onable weddings one or two little boys act as pages, and occasionally bear the bride's train.

The head bridesmaid is generally the bride's eldest unmarried sister or the bridegroom's sister, and she should follow next to the bride with her companion bridesmaid, when children are not included in the group.

=The Bride's Mother= should follow next to the bridesmaids, and walk by the side of her son, or other male relative, in following them up the nave of the church. Ladies and gentlemen do not walk arm-in-arm at a wedding, but side by side.

=The Bride's Immediate Relatives= and the near relatives of the bridegroom should seat themselves in pews or chairs, according to the church in which the service is celebrated. In some churches the service takes place at the entrance of the chancel, and the bridal party enter the chancel and stand at the altar to receive the address, and the concluding portion of the service only is there celebrated.