Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 22

=The Bridegroom's Relatives= should place themselves on entering at the right of the nave, thus being on the bridegroom's right hand, and seat themselves in pews. The relatives of the bride should place themselves on entering at the left of the nave, thus being on the bride's left hand, and seat themselves in pews or chairs. Large cards with the words "For the Relatives of the Bridegroom," "For the Relatives of the Bride,"

are frequently placed in the pews to indicate where they are to sit.

=The Bride= should stand at the bridegroom's left hand; the bride's father, or nearest male relative, should stand at her left hand, in order to give her away.

The bridesmaids should stand immediately behind the bride in the order in which they pa.s.s up the church.

The bride should take off her gloves at the commencement of the service and should give them with her bouquet to the head bridesmaid to hold.

The invited guests should sit in the pews or chairs.

Guests seldom take their prayer-books with them to the church to follow the service therefrom. The hymns sung are usually printed on leaflets, and placed in the pews or on the seats.

The bridegroom generally wears a flower in his b.u.t.ton-hole, as he does not wear a wedding favour.

The other gentlemen may, as a matter of course, wear b.u.t.ton-hole bouquets, if they please.

=When the Service is concluded=, the bride should take the bridegroom's left arm, and, preceded by the officiating clergyman, and followed by her head bridesmaids, father, mother, and the most distinguished of the guests, should enter the vestry, where the register should be signed by the bride and bridegroom, two or three of the nearest relatives, and by two or three of the most intimate of the friends, and princ.i.p.al of the guests, including the best man and the head bridesmaid. The bride's father should sign it, but it is optional whether the bride's mother does so or not.

When the register has been signed, and those in the vestry have shaken hands with the bride and offered their congratulations, the bride should take the bridegroom's left arm and pa.s.s down the nave of the church followed by her bridesmaids, in the same order as they have previously pa.s.sed up the nave.

The bride and bridegroom usually leave the church without pausing to shake hands with many of their friends present if a reception is to follow.

When the bride and bridegroom have driven off from the church, the bride's mother should be the next to follow, that she may be at home to receive the guests as they arrive. There is no precedence as to the order in which the remainder of the company leave the church; it entirely depends on the cleverness of their servants in getting up their motor-cars.

=b.u.t.ton-hole Bouquets= of natural flowers have entirely superseded the old-fas.h.i.+oned wedding favours for both ladies and gentlemen, and are sometimes offered to the guests before they leave their seats at the conclusion of the ceremony, but not invariably so. b.u.t.ton-hole bouquets should be worn on the left side, by both ladies and gentlemen.

=A Bride who is a Widow= should not wear a bridal veil, nor a wreath of orange-blossoms, nor orange-blossom on her dress.

She should not be attended by bridesmaids, and wedding favours should not be worn by the guests.

=How the Invitations to the Wedding Reception of a Widow= should be issued depends upon individual circ.u.mstances. For instance, if a young widow resides with her parents, the invitations should be issued in their names as at her first marriage, and the form of invitation should be similar, save that the words "Their daughter, Mrs. A., widow of Mr.

A." should be subst.i.tuted for her christian name. If, as is very frequently the case, a widow resides in her own house, or if the marriage is to take place from an hotel, the invitations should be issued in her own name, and the form should be "Mrs. Cecil A. requests the pleasure (or the honour) of Mr. and Mrs. B.'s company at her marriage with Mr. Henry C., at St. George's Church on Tuesday, December 30th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at Eaton Gardens, R.S.V.P." "The presence of" instead of "the company of" may be put if preferred.

=It is understood that a Widow should not have Bridesmaids=, but it is open to her to have the attendance of pages, if a wedding is to be a fas.h.i.+onable and smart one, although many ladies do not avail themselves of this privilege. The bridegroom should have a best man, as a matter of course; he may be the bride's brother if desired (the idea that this is not permitted is an erroneous one). A married man might be asked to act in the capacity of best man, there being no bridesmaids to require his attention, although this is seldom done, and a bachelor brother or friend is preferred.

=A Widow may be given away= by her father, uncle, brother, or even by a friend; indeed, it is more usual to have this support than not. At a first marriage "to be given away" is imperative, at a second it is optional; and if a widow at a quiet wedding prefers not to follow this custom she can do so.

=Much Uncertainty exists as to whether a Widow should or should not continue to wear her First Wedding Ring= when she marries a second time.

In point of fact there is no hard and fast rule with regard to it, and a widow may continue or not continue to wear it, as she feels inclined. If she has children, and has had some years of married life, she usually retains it. If she is a young widow, she is likely to remove it, and wear the second ring only; but when this is her intention, she should not cease to wear it until she has arrived at the church, and has taken off her gloves previous to the ceremony; but, take it all in all, it is more usual to wear the two wedding rings than the second one only.

=Formerly, Widows considered it Imperative to be married in Widow's Colours=, grey or mauve, and that white was forbidden wear; but it is no longer so regarded, and a widow may and does wear white or cream on her wedding-day--not exactly a maiden bridal dress, as a tinge of colour is introduced. The larger number still regard pale grey or pale heliotrope as more suitable on the occasion of a second marriage, and doubtless this is so when a widow is not in her first youth. A widow may not, of course, wear a bridal veil; she must wear a hat or toque, white or coloured, as she pleases. She can have a bouquet, not of white flowers only, but mauve or pink, or violets, according to choice. It is quite permissible to have a full choral service, and for the church in which the ceremony is performed to be decorated with plants and flowers, but wedding favours should not be given to the guests at its conclusion.

=When a Widow has a reception the Newly Married Pair should receive their Guests= standing together. The bride's mother, or near relative, could a.s.sist them in receiving. If a luncheon is to be given, they should lead the way to the dining-room, and sit at the head of the table, side by side; but if a reception tea is given, the guests might be sent in at the tea hour--that is to say, told that tea is going on, and the bride and bridegroom could follow later should the numbers be too great to admit of all going into the tea-room at the same time.

=It is quite in Order for a Widow to have a Wedding Cake=, but it should not be decorated with orange blossoms or with white flowers, merely with icing and ornamentations. The display of presents at the marriage of a widow is, as a rule, a very restricted one. The bridegroom and the bridegroom's family being the princ.i.p.al donors, the presents are seldom exhibited. The exception is when a widow has made many new friends, and has received wedding presents from them. Presents, when made to a widow having a house of her own, are expected to be of substantial value, and there is a general reluctance felt to offering her trifles, even if expensive ones, such as a girl-bride would appreciate; not so a married lady of social standing.

=On arriving at the House= where the wedding luncheon or reception is to be held, the gentlemen should leave their hats in the hall. The ladies should not remove their bonnets or hats at a wedding luncheon or reception, neither should the bridesmaids do so.

Gentlemen should take off their gloves at wedding luncheons, but it is optional whether ladies do so or not.

At receptions it is optional with both ladies and gentlemen whether they take off their gloves or not.

The guests who have not already had an opportunity of speaking to the bride and bridegroom, on being ushered into the drawing-room, where the company a.s.sembles, should shake hands with them, having first gone through that ceremony with the host and hostess, if they have not already done so.

Previous to luncheon being announced the bride's father or mother should tell the princ.i.p.al of the gentlemen present whom to take down to luncheon. But this only applies to a sit-down luncheon.

At standing-up luncheons the guests are not sent in in couples, but go in as they please, even two or three ladies together, and little or no precedency, bridal or otherwise, is followed as a general rule.

The luncheon should be served in the dining-room, library, or large marquee, as the case may be.

The bride's mother and the bridegroom's mother should take precedence of all other ladies present on the occasion of a wedding luncheon.

=At strictly Family Gatherings the Guests should go in to Luncheon in the following order=:--The bride and bridegroom. The bride's father with the bridegroom's mother. The bridegroom's father with the bride's mother. The best man with the head bridesmaid. The remaining bridesmaids with the gentlemen who are to take them in to luncheon.

The rest of the company should follow in the wake of the bridesmaids.

The bride should take the bridegroom's left arm.

Sitting-down luncheons and standing-up luncheons are equally fas.h.i.+onable, although the latter are far more general, and little or no bridal precedency is observed. When a standing-up luncheon is given, small tables are arranged for the convenience of the bridal party on one side of the room, while a long table occupies the centre of the room.

When a sitting-down luncheon is given the bride and bridegroom should sit either at the head of a long table or at the centre of it--the bride at the bridegroom's left hand. The bride's father should sit next the bride with the bridegroom's mother. When the bride and bridegroom sit at the centre of the table the bridesmaids should sit opposite to them with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon; each sitting at a gentleman's right hand.

When the bride and bridegroom occupy the head of the table, the bridesmaids, with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon, should place themselves next the parents on either side of the table, dividing their number into two groups.

When the bride's father is dead, her eldest brother or nearest male relative should take his place and should take the bridegroom's mother in to luncheon.

=A Wedding Breakfast= is now termed a luncheon, champagne and other wines take the place of tea and coffee, which beverages are not served until towards the end of the luncheon. At weddings which take place at 2.30 p.m., a luncheon is frequently given at 3, followed by a "tea" at 4.

=The Luncheon Menu= generally comprises soup, entrees both hot and cold; chickens, game, mayonnaises, salads, jellies, creams, etc., etc., and other dishes of a like character.

The sweets should be placed on the table, fruit also.

The entrees, etc., should be handed by the servants, the sweets should also be taken off the table by the men-servants and handed round in turn.