Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 24

CHAPTER XVIII

WEDDING EXPENSES

=The Responsibilities of a Bridegroom= from a pecuniary point of view commence from the moment of his engagement. He must at once present the bride-elect with an engagement ring. A man of even moderate wealth finds no difficulty in choosing and purchasing a handsome ring costing from 50 to 100; but a poor man, possessing but a small income, is often put to more expense than he can conveniently afford in the matter of an engagement ring. He knows all the members of the bride's family will sit in judgment upon it if it is but a modest gift worth about 10, which is quite as much as he feels he is justified in spending; he knows that both it and himself will be regarded as very mean, or as conveying a not very inspiriting prospect of days to come. The engagement ring worn on the bride's finger after marriage is a lasting memento, and if a poor one she will not be proud of it--neither will he. Rich men take the brides to choose engagement rings, expense being no object to them; but poor men cannot do this, as the choice might fall on gems beyond their means, therefore they make the choice themselves, according to the position of the families they are about to enter. If the standing is above their own, from a money point of view, the engagement rings have to be chosen in accordance with the jewels worn by members of such families, and a bridegroom would thus spend 40 at least on an engagement ring suitable to a lady so placed. On the other hand, when men with small incomes marry the daughters of parents of a similar position to their own, the engagement rings given are not costly ones, and a ten-pound note, or even less, would cover the cost of these binding tokens. The wedding rings are within the means of all bridegrooms, be they ever so poor.

=During the Engagement= the question of presents to the brides-elect is never absent from the thoughts of their bridegrooms. The wealthy please themselves and their brides by giving costly jewels, which are often chosen by the brides themselves in company with their bridegrooms. This is very delightful shopping, but it does not fall to the lot of the great majority. Men of moderate means give presents of moderate value and few in number; they are not bound by etiquette during their engagements to give any jewellery if their incomes do not warrant this outlay; but a man must have very little money to go upon if he cannot contrive to give a bracelet or necklet or some such trinket to the girl he is about to marry.

=To give Presents to the Bridesmaids= is another of the obligations of bridegrooms. Here again, the wealthy exercise their generosity and good taste with the concurrence of their brides, who a.s.sist them in the choice of suitable presents in articles of jewellery. These average 5 and upwards for each bridesmaid, which bring it to a good total when the bridesmaids are numerous. The point that affects the generosity of bridegrooms, however, is not how much they ought to spend on these presents, but rather, how little may be spent upon them with due consideration for the fitness of things, viz. the position of the bridesmaids. Two sovereigns would be a reasonable sum for a man of small means to spend on each gift to the bridesmaid.

=The Bridal Bouquet and the Bridesmaids' Bouquets= come next on the list of expenses a bridegroom defrays. Rich men spend liberally in this direction, but average sums to give to meet ordinary incomes are two guineas to one guinea for a bride's bouquet, and five and twenty to fifteen s.h.i.+llings each for the bridesmaids' bouquets.

=The Fees connected with the Ceremony= are strictly the province of the bridegroom to defray. If a marriage is by licence, he pays the cost, which in town amounts to 2 2_s._ 6_d._, and in the country from 2 12_s._ 6_d._ to 3 3_s._ The fee to the vicar of the church where the marriage is to be solemnised varies from 1 1_s._ to 5 5_s._, oftener 1 1_s._ than not with the majority of bridegrooms with moderate incomes, the exception being 5 5_s._ The minor fees are very trifling that a bridegroom is expected to pay. He pays the organist for playing a wedding march at the conclusion of the service, if it is not a choral one; the bell-ringers look to him for their fee, as do the vergers, etc.

Thus a bridegroom pays for what is absolutely necessary at the marriage ceremony only, and very little besides.

=When a Friend of the Bride or Bridegroom performs the Ceremony= or a.s.sists at it a fee is not given to him by the bridegroom, but a present of some kind is made to him, either in silver plate or by a small cheque, as circ.u.mstances dictate, for railway expenses or otherwise. It is usual for the bridegroom to do this unless the clergyman in question is a relative of the bride, when a joint present is usually given by bride and bridegroom.

=The Bride's Parents bear a Large Share of the Wedding Expenses=, foremost of which is the bride's trousseau, the cost of this being entirely dependent on position and income. The dinners and "at homes"

given before the marriage to introduce the bridegroom to the members of the bride's family are given by the bride's parents. The wedding reception is given by them, either at their own residence or at an hotel. As concerns their share of the expenses connected with the ceremony, it depends upon whether the wedding is to be a smart one or a quiet one. If the former, the expenses that fall to them are somewhat considerable; if the latter, they are almost nil. A choral service, for instance, is paid for by the bride's parents, the organist, choirmaster, and choir all being severally paid by them. If the hymns sung are printed on leaflets this trifling expense also is included. All floral decorations are paid for by the bride's parents, as is the hire of the awning and the red felt at the church doors. When wedding favours or b.u.t.ton-holes are given it is by them also.

=For whom the Bride's Family are expected to provide Conveyances is invariably a Misunderstood Detail.=--The bride's father has only to provide carriages or cars to convey himself and bride to the church, and for those members of his family residing under his roof, and for visitors staying with him for the wedding. He is not required to provide them for any other of the guests, save in the country, and then only for those who arrive by train at a roadside station and cannot obtain conveyances for themselves. In town the bridegroom has to provide the motor-car to convey himself and bride from the church to her father's house, and afterwards to the station. In the country the reverse is the case, and the bride's father does this by lending one of his own carriages or cars for the purpose.

=The Bridegroom is expected to provide the Furniture= and all household effects for the new home, including plate and linen, which latter naturally form very important items. Many of the bridal presents, however are made to lighten these expenses, and consist of plate to a great extent, and occasionally of linen also, from the members of the bride's family; still, the rule in England is that the bridegroom should provide it as part of the necessaries of the home, and the gift of it by relatives is altogether optional.

CHAPTER XIX

AFTERNOON "AT HOMES"

=Afternoon "At Homes"= are a great feature amongst the entertainments of the day, large afternoon parties, and small afternoon parties; parties so large that the number of guests equals those at a big crush or evening reception, and so small that they might fairly come under the denomination of afternoon teas.

At afternoon "at homes," ladies are present in a considerable majority, there being usually from about ten gentlemen to thirty ladies on an average present at these gatherings. Ladies have a decided partiality for this cla.s.s of entertainment, as it affords an opportunity for meeting their friends and acquaintances, or for making new acquaintances, and for forming future plans and interchanging civilities; and even in the height of the London season, afternoon "at homes" are fully attended by the members of the fas.h.i.+onable world.

There are various cla.s.ses of afternoon "at homes": the large "at home"

of from fifty to two hundred guests, when usually professional vocal and instrumental talent is engaged, and fairly good music given, although the entertainment is not of sufficient importance to be termed a concert; the "at home" of from fifty to a hundred guests when only amateur talent is in requisition; and the small "at home" of from ten to thirty people, when conversation usually takes the place of music, the party being composed of friends rather than of acquaintances.

=Invitations to "At Homes"= should be issued in the name of the hostess only, and not in the united names of the master and mistress of the house.

Invitations should be issued on "at home" cards, large and small, and also on visiting cards. The name of the person invited should be written at the top of the card at the right-hand corner, the words "at home"

being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing the invitation, and the day and date beneath the words "at home," and the hour beneath the date. Any amus.e.m.e.nt to be given should be added at the bottom of the card at the left-hand corner. The address should be printed at the right-hand corner at the bottom of the card.

The letters R.S.V.P. are occasionally either written or printed on the "at home" card, at the left-hand corner of the bottom of the card, but it is not usual to write "R.S.V.P." in the corner of an afternoon "at home" card, as it is immaterial how many guests are present at this cla.s.s of entertainment; but if an answer is so requested, an answer should be sent. R.S.V.P. signifies "_repondez, s'il vous plait_" or "an answer is requested."

It is customary to include the head of the family, either husband or father, in the invitation. Thus, at the top of the card, at the right-hand corner should be written "Mr. and Mrs. A.," or "Mr. and Miss A." The daughters of the house should be included in the invitation sent to their mother. Thus "Mr. and Mrs. A.," "The Misses A.," but the sons of the house should be invited separately.

When a family consists of a mother and daughters, the invitation should be "Mrs. and the Misses A."

The t.i.tle of "Honourable" should not be put on an invitation card, but only on the envelope containing the card.

All other t.i.tles are recognised on invitation cards; but the letters K.C.B., M.P., etc., should not be written on the cards, but only on the envelopes in which they are enclosed.

If a lady is aware that she will be unable to be present, it would be polite to send her excuses, although strict etiquette does not demand it; both the invitation and the answer can in all cases be sent by post.

It is not now considered necessary to leave cards after afternoon "at homes."

Invitations to large afternoon "at homes" should be issued a fortnight previous to the day, and to small "at homes" within a week or so of the day.

=The Arrival of Guests.=--When invited guests arrive, they should not inquire if the hostess is at home, but at once enter the house; and they should be ushered at once into the tea-room.

The gentlemen should leave their hats and overcoats in the hall.

At large "at homes" a cloak-room should be provided, so that a lady could remove a cloak or fur-cape, usually worn during the winter weather; but at small "at homes" a cloak-room is not necessary, as the reception-rooms are neither so crowded nor so warm, neither are the ladies' toilettes so elaborate.

=Refreshments.=--At large "at homes" refreshments should be served in the dining-room, on a long buffet at one end of the room, or on a long table the length of the room.

The lady's-maids and other maid-servants should stand behind the table to pour out and hand the cups of tea or coffee across the table as asked for.

It is usual to have women-servants on these occasions to pour out the tea, a man-servant or men-servants being also in attendance, in case anything is required of them, although gentlemen usually help themselves to claret-cup, wine, etc.

The usual refreshments given at these "at homes" are tea and coffee, the latter served from large silver urns. (See chapter "Preparing Afternoon Tea," in the work ent.i.tled "Waiting at Table.") Sherry, champagne-cup, claret-cup, ices, fruit, fancy biscuits and cakes, thin bread-and-b.u.t.ter, potted game, sandwiches, etc.

Ice plates are used for ices, dessert plates for fruit and fruit salads.

At small "at homes" champagne, claret-cup, and ices are not given. The tea should be made in teapots, instead of in urns, at both large and small "at homes."

At small "at homes" the tea is usually served in the smaller of the two drawing-rooms, or in an adjoining boudoir or ante-room. The tea is then poured out by the young ladies of the house, or by the hostess herself, but seldom by maid-servants when served in the drawing-room.

The most convenient manner, however, of serving tea is to serve it in the dining-room, unless the number of guests is limited, when it would appear unsociable if they were to congregate in the dining-room, leaving the hostess comparatively alone in the drawing-room.

When tea is served in the dining-room, the guests are usually asked by the servant in attendance if they will have tea before being ushered into the drawing-room.

At small teas, the cups of tea should be handed to the ladies by the gentlemen present, or by the young lady officiating at the tea-table, and gentlemen generally stand about the room, or near the tea-table, at small "at homes."

=Receiving Guests.=--The servant should precede the guests to the drawing-room as in "morning calls."