Jokes Book Collection Part Vii Part 29

Banta Singh agreed and returned disappointed to his followers. They asked him what had happened. He said, "Friends, I think we deserve these jokes, Ghanta Singh asked me a question and I couldnt answer." All others asked him what the question was and that they would surely be able to answer it.

So Banta Singh asked them, "I live in my house with two other persons. One is my child who sleeps in one bedroom. In the other bedroom my wife sleeps with the third person. Tell me who is the third person?"

All the sardars thought for several minutes then gave up. Banta Singh said, "You see... you're all stupid. I'll give you the answer... THE THIRD PERSON IS GHANTA SINGH!"

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me only 5 months to complete this!," Laloo brags. "5 Months? That's too long for a simple jigsaw puzzle." the friend exclaims. "You fool!", Laloo replies "See the box for this puzzle... it says - For 4 -7 YEARS."

From: Kavitha ---********---

Once a sardarji went to the city of Mumbai for the first time to meet his father. His father had asked him to keep walking in the direction of the sunrise until he eventually reached his house. Since, the sardarji was new to the city he decided to ask a pa.s.serby the direction in which the sun rose in, east, west, north or south? The pa.s.serby also a Sardarji thought for some time and then said, "Main bhi is sheher mein naya aaya hoon!"

From: Sneha ---********--- Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a j.a.panese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The j.a.panese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into the next j.a.pan."

Laloo was very surprised. "You j.a.panese are very inefficient," he stated.

"Give me three days and I will turn j.a.pan into the next Bihar!"

> > > Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent > for > > > his > > > friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's > frail > > > condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to > > > write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of > paper, > > > and > > > Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he > > > died.

> > > Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so > he > > > slipped it into his jacket pocket.

> > > Days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's > family. He > > > realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the > day > > > Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just > before > > > he > > > died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a > word of > > > inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read > aloud, > > > "Oye Banthe(Banta), Saale ...You are standing on my oxygen tube!"

Today's Joke - 3.13.2002 Read 1000s More Jokes.

Gorilla Chase!

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to take a trip, so he left his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. He explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But he was never ever to touch its fur.

So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur? Nothing seems to be wrong with it."

Every day he came in and sized up the gorilla for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand. About a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He pa.s.sed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.

Suddenly the gorilla went "ape" and started to violently jump around. Then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into a sports car, and drove off.

In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in another sports car, driving right behind him and motioning for him to pull over. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden, and up an apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.

The man jumped down and ran back into the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla. The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. It was the gorilla!

This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, slowly raised its mighty hand and said, "Tag! You're it!"

Yo Mama's So Fat... Scale Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."

Today's Joke - 3.19.2002 Read 1000s More Jokes .

Playing Doctor Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.

"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.

"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.

When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.

The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."

1. JOKE: Speeding Down the Freeway.

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flas.h.i.+ng lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!"

"NO," the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

2. FUN PAGE: Age Activated Disorders.

* This is the FEATURED FUN PAGE for the day!

To view this fun page, simply visit the Web address below using your Internet browser!

. BRAIN TEASER: Can YOU solve it?

I have holes on the top and bottom.

I have holes on my left and on my right.

And I have holes in the middle, yet I still hold water.

What am I?

GIVE UP? When you're ready to see the answer, just scroll down to the "brain teaser solution" below!

. FUNNY PICTURE: Remember to Smile.

* This is the FEATURED FUNNY PICTURE for the day!

To view this funny picture, simply visit the Web address below using your Internet browser.

5. BRAIN TEASER SOLUTION!

ANSWER: A sponge!

G.o.d created the donkey and said to him. "You will >be >a donkey. You > will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset >carrying burdens on your > back.You will eat gra.s.s, you will have no >intelligence and you will > live 50 years."

> > The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to >live 50 years is too > much.Give me only 20 years." G.o.d granted his >wish.

> > G.o.d created the dog and said to him: "You will >guard >the house of > man.You will be his best Friend. You will eat the >sc.r.a.ps that he gives > you and you will live 30 years.You will be a >dog."

> > The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too >much,give me only 15 > years." G.o.d granted his wish.

> > G.o.d created the monkey and said to him: "You will >be >a monkey. You > will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.

>You >will be amusing and > you will live 20 years." The monkey answered: "To >live 20 years is too > much, give me only 10 years." G.o.d granted his >wish.

> > Finally G.o.d created man and said to him: "You >will >be man, the only > rational creature on the face of the earth. You >will >use your > intelligence to become master over all the >animals.

>You will dominate > the world and you will live 20 years."

> > Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live >only 20 years is very > little, give me the 30 > years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that >the >dog did not want > and the 10 years the monkey refused."

> > > G.o.d granted man's wish And since then, man lives >20 >years as a man, > marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, >working >and carrying all > the burdens on his back. Then when his children >are >grown, he lives > 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and >eating whatever is > given to him,so that when he is old, he can >retire >and live 10 years > like a monkey, going from house to house and from >one son or daughter > to another doing tricks to amuse his >grandchildren.

> > That's Life.

GIRL: And are you sure you love me and no one else?

BOY: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??

BOY : What time was it??

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!

BOY : You love me...

CAROL : Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed I couldn't speak for an hour..

PETER : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..

BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

GIRL : I love you and I could die for you!

BOY : How soon??

GIRL : I would go to the end of the world for you!

BOY : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot pa.s.sionate, burning kiss??