Charles Bukowski - Short Stories Collection Part 3

"Uh, uh."

"Listen, honey, I'm not that kind of woman."

"O, cut the horses.h.i.+t and climb in."

She did. My G.o.d, she was nothing but meat. Actually, I was a bit frightened. What did you do with all that stuff? Well, I was trapped. Marie's whole side of the bed sank down.

"Listen, Charley-"

I grabbed her head, turned it, and she seemed to be crying, and then my lips were on hers. We kissed. d.a.m.n it, my c.o.c.k was getting hard. Good G.o.d. What was it?

"Charley," she said, "you don't have to."

I took one of her hands and placed it around my c.o.c.k.

"O s.h.i.+t," she said, "o s.h.i.+t!"

Then she kissed me, tongued me. She had a small tongue a"at least that was small a"and it ripped in and out, rather full of saliva and pa.s.sion. I pulled away.

"Whatza matta?"

"Wait uh minute."

I reached over and got the fifth and took a good long pull, then I sat it down again and I reached on under and lifted that huge pink nightie. I got to feeling and I didn't know what I had but it seemed to be it, very small though, but in the right place. Yes, it was her c.u.n.t. I poked at it with my p.e.c.k.e.r. Then she reached down and guided me in. Another miracle. That thing was tight. It almost ripped the skin off of me. We started working. I was looking for the long ride but I didn't care. She had me. It was one of the best f.u.c.ks of my life. I moaned and hollered, then finished, rolled off. Unbelievable. When she came back from the bathroom we talked a while, then she went to sleep. But she snored. SO I had to go down to my own bed. And I awakened the next morning as she went to work.

"Gotta hurry, Charley," she said.

"Sure, baby."

As soon as she left I went to the kitchen and drank a gla.s.s of water. She'd left her purse there. Ten dollars. I didn't take it. I walked back to the bathroom and took a good c.r.a.p, without the spider. Then I took a bath. I tried to brush my teeth, vomited a bit. I dressed and walked into the kitchen. I'd gotten hold of a piece of paper and pen: Marie: I love you. You are very good to me. But I must leave. And I don't know exactly why. I'm crazy, I guess. Goodbye.

Charley I propped the note up against the television set. I didn't feel good. I felt like crying. It was quiet in there, it was quiet in there the way I liked it. Even the stove and the refrigerator looked human, I mean good human a" they seemed to have arms and voices and they said, hang around, kid, it's good here, it can be very good here. I found what was left of the 5th in the bedroom. I drank that. Then I found a can of beer in the refrigerator. I drank that. Then I got up and made the long walk down that narrow place, it seemed like A hundred yards. I got to the door and then I remembered I had the key. I walked back and put the key with the note. Then I looked at the ten in the purse again. I left it there. I made the walk again. When I got to the door, I knew that when I closed it there would be no going back. I closed it. It was final. Down those steps. I was alone again and n.o.body gave a d.a.m.n. I walked south, then took a right. I walked along, I walked along and got out of the French Quarter. I crossed Ca.n.a.l Street. I walked along for some blocks and then I turned this way and then I crossed another street and turned that way. I didn't know where I was going. I pa.s.sed a place to my left and a man was standing in the doorway and he said, "Hey, man, you want a job?"

And I looked into the doorway and here were these rows of men lined up at wooden tables and they had hammers and they were hitting at things in sh.e.l.ls, they looked like clam sh.e.l.ls and they broke the sh.e.l.ls and did something with the meat, and it was dark in there; it seemed as if the men were beating at themselves with hammers and tossing away what was left of them, and I told the man, "No, I don't want a job."

I was facing the sun as I walked.

I had 74 cents.

The sun was all right.

**My Big-a.s.sed Mother**

they were tow good girls, t.i.to and Baby. they both looked near 60 but they were close to 40. all that wine and worry. I was 29 and looked closer to 50. all that wine and worry. I had gotten the apartment first and then they had moved in. it worried the apartment house manager who kept sending the cops up when we made the least bit of noise. it was jumpy. I was afraid to p.i.s.s in the center of the bowl.

the best time was the MIRROR, watching myself, bloated belly, with Baby and t.i.to, drunk and sick for nights and days, all of us, the cheap radio playing, tubes all worn-out sitting there on that worn-down rug, ah my, the MIRROR, and I'd be watching, and I'd say: "t.i.to, it's in your a.s.s. feel it?"

"oh yes, oh my yes - SHOVE! hey! where ya GOING?"

"now, Baby, you got it in front here, umm? feel it? big purple head, like a snake singing arias! feel me love?"

"oooh, dahling, I think I'm gonna c-..HEY! where ya GOING?"

"t.i.to, I am back in your rumble seat. I am parting you in two. you don't have a chance!"

"oooh G.o.d ooooh, HEY where ya GOING? get back in there!"

"I dunno."

"I dunno who I want to catch it. what can I do? I want you both, I can't HAVE you both! And while trying to make up my mind I am in a terror of demise and agony trying to hold it! doesn't anybody understand my suffering?"

"no, just give it to me!"

"no, me, me!"

THEN THE BIG FIST OF THE LAW.

"bang! BanG! BANG!

"hey, what's going on in there?"

"nuttin'."

"nothing? what's all that moaning and hollering and screaming? it's 3:30 a.m. you've got four floors of people wide awake and wonderin-"

"please go away. my mother has a bad heart. you are terrorizing her. and she's down to her last p.a.w.n."

"and YOU are too, buddy! In case you don't know, this happens to be the Los Angeles Police Department-"

"christ, I'd have never guessed-"

"now you've guessed. o.k. open up or we'll kick it down!"

t.i.to and Baby ran into the far corner of the dining room, crouched and s.h.i.+vering, holding, hugging their aging wrinkled and wino and insane bodies. they were stupidly lovely.

"open up here, buddy, we been up here four times in the past week and a half on the same call. you think we like to go around just throwing people in jail just because it makes us feel good?"

"yeah."

"Captain Bradley says he doesn't care whether you are black or white."

"you tell Captain Bradley that I feel the same way."

I kept quiet. the two wh.o.r.es s.h.i.+vering and clutching their wrinkled bodies by the corner lampshade. the bland and smothering silence of willow leaves in a chickens.h.i.+t and unkind winter.

they had gotten the key from the manager and the door was open 4 inches but it was being held by the chain which I had on there. one of the cops talked to me while the other pushed with a screwdriver, trying to work the chain out of the slot-holder. I'd let the cop get it almost out, then I'd push the end of the chain all the way back in. while standing there naked with this hard-on.

"you are violating my rights. you need a search warrant to enter here. you can't force entry just on your own behest. What the h.e.l.l's wrong with you guys."

"which one of those is supposed to be our mother."

"the one with the biggest a.s.s."

the other cop almost had the chain off again. I pushed it back with my finger.

"come on, let us in, we'll just talk."

"what about? the wonders of Disneyland?"

"no, no, you sound like an interesting man. we just want to come in and talk."

"you must think I'm subnormal. if I ever get queer enough for bracelets I'll buy them at Thrifty's. I'm not guilty of a d.a.m.n thing but a hard-on and a loud radio and you haven't asked me to shut either of them off."

"just let us in. all we want to do is talk."

"listen, you are attempting to break and enter without a permit. now, I've got the best lawyer in town-"

"a lawyer? whatta you got a lawyer for?"

"I've used him for years - draft dodging, indecent exposure, rape, drunk driving, disturbing the peace, a.s.sault and battery, arson a"all bad raps."

"he won all those cases?"

"he's the best. now look, I'm giving you three minutes. either you stop trying to force the door and leave me in peace of I'm getting him on the phone. he won't like to be awakened at this time of the morning. he'll have your badges."

the cops stepped back, a little way down the hall. I listened.

"you think he knows what he's talking about?"

"yes, I think he does."

They came back.

"your mother sure has a big a.s.s."

"too bad you can't have it, eh?"

"all right, we're leaving, but you keep it quiet in there. we want that radio off and all that moaning and hollering stopped."

"all right, we'll turn off the radio."

they left. what a pleasure to hear them leave. what a pleasure it was to have a good lawyer. what a pleasure it was to stay out of jail.

I closed the door.

"all right, girls, they're gone. 2 nice young boys on the wrong path. And now look!"

I looked down. "it's gone, all gone away."

"yes, it's all gone." said Baby. "where does it go? it's so sad."

"s.h.i.+t," said t.i.to, "it looks like a dad little vienna sausage."

I walked over and sat in a chair, poured a wine. Baby rolled us 3 cigarettes.

"how's the wine?" I asked.

"down to 4 bottles."

"fifths or gallons?"

"fifths."

"jesus, we gotta get lucky."

I picked up a 4 day old newspaper. read the funnies. then went to the sports section. while I was reading, t.i.to came on over, dropped down to the rug. I felt her working. she had a mouth like one of those toilet plungers that unstopped toilets. I drank my wine and puffed at my cigarette.

they'd suck your brains out if you let them. I think they did it to each other when I wasn't around.

I got to the horse page. "look here," I told t.i.to, "this horse cut fractions of 22 and one fifth for the quarter, he's 44 and 4/5ths for the half, then one o nine for 6 furlongs, he must have thought it was a 6 furlong racea""

vurp virp slooom vissaaa ooop vop bop vop bop vop "a"it's a mile and a quarter, he's trying to sprint away from these routers, he's got 6 lengths turning the last curve and backing up, the horse is dying, he wants to be back in the stablea""

sllllurrrp sllurrrr vip vop vop vip vop vop "now check the jock a" if it's Blum he'll win by a nose; if it's Volske he'll win by 3/4's of a length. it's Volske. he wins by 3/4's a bet down from 12 to 8. all stable money, the public hates Volske. they hate Volske and Harmatz. so the stables use these guys 2 or 3 times a meet on the goodies to keep the public off. if it weren't for these two great riders, at the right time, I'd be down on East 5th Street a""

"oooh, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" t.i.to lifted her head and screamed, knocked the newspaper out of my hand. then went back to work. I didn't know what to do. she was really angry. then Baby walked over. Baby had very good legs and I lifted her purple skirt and looked at the nylons. Baby leaned over and kissed me, gave me the tongue down the throat. I got my palm on her haunch. I was trapped. I didn't know what to do. I needed a drink. 3 idiots locked together. o moaning and the flight of the last bluebird into the eye of the sun, it was a child's game, a stupid game.

first quarter, 22 and 1/4, the half in 44 and 1/5, she smoked it out, victory by a head, Calif. Rain of my body. figs broken lovely open like great red guts in the sun and sucked loose while your mother hated you and your father wanted to kill you and the backyard fence was green and belonged to the Bank of America. t.i.to smoked it out while I fingered Baby.

then we seperated, each waiting the bathroom's turn to wipe the snot from our s.e.xual noses. I was always last. I came out and took one of the winebottles and went over to the window and looked out.

"Baby, roll me another smoke."

we were on the top floor, the 4th. Floor, high up on a hill. but you can look out on Los Angeles and get nothing, nothing at all. all those people down there sleeping, waiting to get up and go to work. it was stupid. Stupid, stupid and horrible. we had it right: eye, say, blue on green staring deeply through shreds of beanfields, into each other, come.

Baby brought me the cigarette. I inhaled and watched the sleeping city. we sat and waited on the sun and whatever there was to be. I did not like the world, but at cautious and easy times you could almost understand it.

I don't know where t.i.to and Baby are now, if they are dead or what, but those nights were good, pinching those highheeled legs, kissing nylon knees. all that color of dresses and panties, and making the L.A. Police Force earn the green.

Spring or flowers or Summer will never be like that again.

-charles bukowski - from the books: The Most Beautiful Woman in Town and Erections, e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.ns, Exhibitions and General Tales of Ordinary Madness ===.

POLITICS IS LIKE TRYING TO SCREW.