Voces Populi Part 10

HIS COMPANION. Ah, but yer see it ain't so easy fitting on bits that belonged to something different. You've got to look at it _that_ way.

THE P. M. _I_ don't see no difficulty about it. Why, any stonemason could cut down the odd pieces to fit well enough, and they wouldn't have such a neglected appearance as they do now.

_A Group has collected round a Gigantic Arm in red granite._

FIRST SIGHTSEER. There's a _arm_ for yer!

SECOND S. (_a humourist_). Yes; 'ow would yer like to 'ave _that_ come a punching your 'ed?

THIRD S. (_thoughtfully_). I expect they've put it up 'ere as a sarmple like.

THE MORALIZING MATRON. How it makes one realize that there were giants in those days!

HER FRIEND. But surely the size must be a _little_ exaggerated, don't you think? Oh, is _this_ the G.o.d Ptah?

[_The_ M. M. _says nothing, but clicks her tongue to express a grieved pity, after which she pa.s.ses on_.

THE INTELLIGENT ARTISAN _and his_ FIANCeE _have entered the Nineveh Gallery, and are regarding an immense human-headed, winged bull_.

THE I. A. (_indulgently_). Rum-looking sort o' beast that 'ere.

FIANCeE. Ye-es--I wonder if it's a likeness of some animal they used to 'ave then?

THE I. A. I _did_ think you was wider than _that_!--it's only imaginative. What 'ud be the good o' wings to a bull?

FIANCeE (_on her defence_). You think you know so much--but it's got a man's 'ed, ain't it? and I know there used to be _'orses_ with 'alf a man where the 'ed ought to be, because I've seen their pictures--so there!

THE I. A. I dunno what you've got where _your_ 'ed ought to be, torking such rot!

IN THE UPPER GALLERIES; ETHNOGRAPHICAL COLLECTION.

THE GRIM GOVERNESS (_directing a scared small boy's attention to a particularly hideous mask_). See, Henry, that's the kind of mask worn by savages!

HENRY. Always--or only on the fifth of November, Miss Goole?

[_He records a mental vow never to visit a Savage Island on Guy Fawkes's Day, and makes a prolonged study of the mask, with a view to future nightmares._

A KIND, BUT DENSE UNCLE (_to_ NIECE). All these curious things were made by cannibals, ETHEL--savages who eat one another, you know.

ETHEL (_suggestively_). But, I suppose, Uncle, they wouldn't eat one another if they had any one to give them _buns_, would they?

[_Her_ UNCLE _discusses the suggestion elaborately, but without appreciating the hint_; _the_ GOVERNESS _has caught sight of a huge and hideous Hawaiian Idol, with a furry orange-coloured head, big mother-o'-pearl eyes, with black b.a.l.l.s for the pupils, and a grinning mouth picked out with shark's teeth, to which she introduces the horrified_ HENRY.

MISS GOOLE. Now, Henry, you see the kind of idol the poor savages say their prayers to.

HARRY (_tremulously_). But n--not just before they go to bed, do they, Miss Goole?

AMONG THE MUMMIES.

THE UNCLE. That's King Rameses' mummy, Ethel.

ETHEL. And what was _her_ name, Uncle?

THE GOVERNESS (_halting before a case containing a partially unrolled_ _mummy, the spine and thigh of which are exposed to view_). Fancy, Henry, that's part of an Egyptian who has been dead for thousands of years! Why, you're not _frightened_, are you?

HARRY (_shaking_). No, I'm not frightened, Miss Goole--only if you don't mind, I--I'd rather see a gentleman not _quite_ so dead. And there's one over there with a gold face and gla.s.s eyes, and he looked at me, and--please, I _don't_ think this is the place to bring such a little boy as me to!

_A Party is examining a Case of Mummied Animals._

THE LEADER. Here you are, you see, mummy cats--don't they look comical all stuck up in a row there?

FIRST WOMAN. Dear, dear--to think o' going to all that expense when they might have had 'em stuffed on a cus.h.i.+on! And monkeys, and dogs too--well, I'm sure, fancy _that_ now!

SECOND WOMAN. And there's a mummied crocodile down there. I _don't_ see what they'd want with a mummy _crocodile_, do you?

THE LEADER (_with an air of perfect comprehension of Egyptian customs_).

Well, you see they took whatever they could get 'old of, _they_ did.

IN THE PREHISTORIC GALLERY.

OLD LADY (_to_ POLICEMAN) Oh, Policeman, can you tell me if there's any article here that's supposed to have belonged to Adam?

POLICEMAN (_a wag in his way_). Well, Mum, we _'ave_ 'ad the 'andle of his spade, and the brim of his garden 'at, but they wore out last year and 'ad to be thrown away--things won't last for ever--even _'ere_, you know.

GOING OUT.

A PEEVISH OLD MAN. I ain't seen anything to call worth seeing, _I_ ain't. In our Museum at 'ome they've a lamb with six legs, and hairy-light stones as big as cannon-b.a.l.l.s; but there ain't none of that sort 'ere, and I'm dog-tired trapesing over these boards, I am!

HIS DAUGHTER (_a candid person_). Ah, I ought to ha' known it warn't much good taking _you_ out to enjoy yourself--you're too old, _you_ are!

ETHEL'S UNCLE (_cheerily_). Well, Ethel, I think we've seen all there is to be seen, eh?

ETHEL. There's _one_ room we haven't been into yet, Uncle, dear.

UNCLE. Ha--and what's that?

ETHEL (_persuasively_). The _Refreshment_ Room.

[_The hint is accepted at last._

THE TRAVELLING MENAGERIE.