Voces Populi Part 9

FIRST CH. Bella has been out so much this week, that she doesn't care to dance except with a really first-rate partner. She is not so easily pleased as your Ethel, I'm afraid.

SECOND CH. Ethel is _young_, you see, and, when one is pressed so much to dance, one can hardly refuse, _can_ one? When she has had as many seasons as BELLA, she will be less energetic, I dare say.

[MR. BOLDOVER _has at last succeeded in approaching_ MISS ROUNDARM, _and even in inducing her to sit out a dance with him_; _but, having led her to a convenient alcove, he finds himself totally unable to give any adequate expression to the rapture he feels at being by her side_.

MR. B. (_determined to lead up to it somehow_). I--I was rather thinking--(_he_ meant _to say_, "_devoutly hoping_," _but, to his own bitter disgust, it comes out like this_)--I should meet you here to-night.

MISS R. Were you? Why?

MR. B. (_with a sudden dread of going too far just yet_). Oh (_carelessly_), you know how one _does_ wonder who will be at a place, and who won't.

MISS R. No, indeed, I don't--_how_ does one wonder?

MR. B. (_with a vague notion of implying a complimentary exception in her case_). Oh, well, generally--(_with the fatal tendency of a shy man to a sweeping statement_)--one may be pretty sure of meeting just the people one least wants to see, you know.

MISS R. And so you thought you would probably meet me. I _see_.

MR. B. (_overwhelmed with confusion, and not in the least knowing what he says_). No, no, I didn't think that--I hoped you mightn't--I mean, I was afraid you might--

[_Stops short, oppressed by the impossibility of explaining._

MISS R. You are not very complimentary to-night, are you?

MR. B. I can't pay compliments--to _you_--I don't know how it is, but I never can talk to you as I can to other people!

MISS R. Are you amusing when you are with other people?

MR. B. At all events I can find things to say to _them_.

_Enter_ ANOTHER MAN.

ANOTHER MAN (_to_ MISS R.). Our dance, I think?

MISS R. (_who had intended to get out of it_). I was wondering if you ever meant to come for it. (_To_ MR. B., _as they rise_.) Now I sha'n't feel I am depriving the other people! (_Perceives the speechless agony in his expression, and relents._) Well, you can have the next after this if you care about it--only _do_ try to think of something in the meantime! (_As she goes off._) You will--won't you?

MR. B. (_to himself_). She's given me another chance! If only I can rise to it. Let me see--what shall I begin with? _I_ know--_Supper!_ She hasn't been down yet.

HIS HOSTESS. Oh, Mr. Boldover, you're not dancing this--do be good and take some one down to supper--those poor Chaperons are dying for some food.

[Mr. B. _takes down a Matron whose repast is protracted through three waltzes and a set of Lancers_--_he comes up to find_ MISS ROUNDARM _gone_, _and the Musicians putting up their instruments_.

COACHMAN AT DOOR (_to Linkman, as_ MR. B. _goes down the steps_). That's the _lot_, Jim!

[Mr. B. _walks home, wis.h.i.+ng the Park Gates were not shut, so as to render the Serpentine inaccessible_.

AT THE BRITISH MUSEUM.

IN THE SCULPTURE GALLERIES.

_Sightseers discovered drifting languidly along in a state of depression, only tempered by the occasional exercise of the right of every free-born Briton to criticize whenever he fails to understand. The general tone is that of faintly amused and patronizing superiority._

A BURLY SIGHTSEER _with a red face_ (_inspecting group representing "Mithras Sacrificing a Bull"_). H'm; that may be Mithras's notion of making a clean job of it, but it ain't _mine_!

A WOMAN (_examining a fragment from base of sculptured column with a puzzled expression as she reads the inscription_). "Lower portion of female figure--probably a Bacchante." Well, how they know who it's intended for, when there ain't more than a bit of her skirt left, beats _me_!

HER COMPANION. Oh, I s'pose they've got to put a name to it o' _some_ sort.

AN INTELLIGENT ARTISAN (_out for the day with his_ FIANCeE--_reading from pedestal_). "Part of a group of As--Astrala--no, _Astraga_--lizontes"--that's what _they_ are, yer see.

FIANCeE. But who _were_ they?

THE I. A. Well, I can't tell yer--not for certain; but I expect they'd be the people who in'abited Astragalizontia.

FIANCeE. Was that what they used to call Ostralia before it was discovered? (_They come to the Clytie bust._) Why, if that isn't the same head Mrs. Meggles has under a gla.s.s shade in her front window, only smaller--and hers is alabaster, too! But fancy them going and copying it, and I dare say without so much as a "by your leave," or a "thank you!"

[Ill.u.s.tration: "H'M; THAT MAY BE MITHRAS'S NOTION OF MAKING A CLEAN JOB OF IT, BUT IT AIN'T _mine_!"]

THE I. A. (_reading_). "Portrait of Antonia, sister-in-law of the Emperor Tiberius, in the character of Clytie turning into a sunflower."

FIANCeE. Lor! They did queer things in those days, didn't they?

(_Stopping before another bust._) Who's that?

THE I. A. 'Ed of Ariadne.

FIANCeE (_slightly surprised_). What!--not young Adney down our street?

I didn't know as he'd been took in stone.

THE I. A. How do you suppose they'd 'ave young Adney in among this lot--why, that's antique!

FIANCeE. Well, I was _thinking_ it looked more like a female. But if it's meant for old Mr. Teak the s.h.i.+pbuilder's daughter, it flatters her up considerable; and, besides, I always understood as her name was Betsy.

THE I. A. No, no; what a girl you are for getting things wrong! that 'ed was cut out years and years ago!

FIANCeE. Well, she's gone off _since_, that's all; but I wonder at old Mr. Teak letting it go out of the family, instead of putting it on his mantelpiece along with the l.u.s.tres, and the two chiny dogs.

THE A. I. (_with ungallant candour_). 'Ark at you! Why you 'ain't much more sense nor a chiny dog yourself!

MORALIZING MATRON (_before the Venus of Ostia_). And to think of the poor ignorant Greeks wors.h.i.+pping a shameless hussey like that! It's a pity they hadn't some one to teach them more respectable notions! Well, well! it ought to make us thankful _we_ don't live in those benighted times, that it ought!

A CONNOISSEUR (_after staring at a colossal Greek lion_). A lion, eh?

Well, it's another proof to my mind that the ancients hadn't got very far in the statuary line. Now, if you _want_ to see a stone lion done true to Nature, you've only to walk any day along the Euston Road.

A PRACTICAL MAN. I dessay it's a fine collection, enough, but it's a pity the things ain't more perfect. _I_ should ha' thought, with so many odds and ends and rubbish lying about as is no use to n.o.body at present they might ha' used it up in mending some that only requires a 'arm 'ere or a leg there, or a 'ed and what not, to make 'em as good as ever. But ketch _them_ (_he means the Officials_) taking any extra trouble if they can help it!