A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 33

SIR RADERIC.

He tells truth; to tell truth is an excellent virtue. Boy, make two heads, one for his learning, another for his virtues; and refer this to the head of his virtues, not of his learning.

PAGE.

What, half a mess of good qualities referred to an a.s.s' head?

[_Aside_.

SIR RADERIC.

Now, Master Recorder, if it please you, I will examine him in an author that will sound him to the depth--a book of astronomy, otherwise called an almanac.

RECORDER.

Very good, Sir Raderic; it were to be wished that there were no other book of humanity, then there would not be such busy, state-frying fellows as are nowadays. Proceed, good sir.

SIR RADERIC.

What is the dominical letter?

IMMERITO.

C, sir, and please your wors.h.i.+p.

SIR RADERIC.

A very good answer, a very good answer, the very answer of the book.

Write down that, and refer it to his skill in philosophy.

PAGE.

C the dominical letter? It is true: Craft and Cunning do so domineer; yet, rather C and D are dominical letters, that is, crafty duncery.

[_Aside_.

SIR RADERIC.

How many days hath September?

IMMERITO.

April, June, and November, February hath twenty-eight alone; and all the rest hath thirty and one.

SIR RADERIC.

Very learnedly, in good faith, he hath also a smack in poetry. Write down that, boy, to show his learning in poetry. How many miles from Waltham to London?

IMMERITO.

Twelve, sir.

SIR RADERIC, How many from Newmarket to Grantham?

IMMERITO.

Ten, sir.

PAGE.

Without doubt, he hath been some carrier's horse. [_Aside_.

SIR RADERIC.

How call you him that is cunning in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and the cypher?

IMMERITO.

A good arithmetician.

SIR RADERIC.

Write down that answer of his, to show his learning in arithmetic.

PAGE.

He must needs be a good arithmetician, that counted money so lately.

[_Aside_.

SIR RADERIC.

When is the new moon?

IMMERITO.

The last quarter the fifth day, at two of the clock and thirty-eight minutes in the morning.

SIR RADERIC.

Write that down. How call you him that is weatherwise?

IMMERITO.

A good astronomer.

SIR RADERIC.

Sirrah boy, write him down for a good astronomer.

PAGE.

a.s.s colit a.s.s-tra. [_Aside_.

SIR RADERIC.

What day of the month lights the Queen's day on?

IMMERITO.

The seventeenth of November.[94]

SIR RADERIC.

Boy, refer this to his virtues, and write him down a good subject.

PAGE.

Faith, he were an excellent subject for two or three good wits: he would make a fine a.s.s for an ape to ride upon. [_Aside_.

SIR RADERIC.

And these shall suffice for the parts of his learning. Now it remains to try whether you be a man of good utterance, that is, whether you can ask for the strayed heifer with the white face, as also chide the boys in the belfry, and bid the s.e.xton whip out the dogs. Let me hear your voice.

IMMERITO.

If any man or woman--

SIR RADERIC.

That's too high.

IMMERITO.