The 4-Hour Body Part 26

We tell people that all the houses here are purple so that there is no mistake that one has changed realities should they wander onto our property.

If people missed the purple, there were other warning signs for wanderers.

In the 1960s, Baranco and his wife, Suzie, began researching how to improve their s.e.x lives. Both believed that the amount of sensual pleasure available to an individual far exceeded the expectations commonly held in society.

In 1976, after more than a decade of experimentation, they blew the floodgates open by giving the first public demonstration of female o.r.g.a.s.m. It lasted three hours three hours. That's a genital Dances with Wolves Dances with Wolves. The female student who demonstrated the o.r.g.a.s.m, Diana, recalled the result it had on the wall-to-wall audience:

When that demonstration was over, people RAN to every available s.p.a.ce on the property so that they could get off, too...get the women off! It was really the women.

Not surprisingly, students flocked to Morehouse.

Two students of the Morehouse methods for extending o.r.g.a.s.m were Drs. Steve and Vera Bodansky, founders of the Doing Method I had taken for a test drive.

Another was Ray Vetterlein, who took his first cla.s.s at Morehouse in 1968, eight years before the public demo. He earned its highest private qualification in 1989 and has been refining his methods ever since...for more than 40 years.

8,000 Nerve Endings and Two Sheets of Paper Less than a month after dinner with Tallulah, I was witnessing some of Ray's findings firsthand.

"You want to use about two sheets of paper worth of pressure," explained my chaperone Aiko,9 who had organized the visit and was sitting to my right. who had organized the visit and was sitting to my right.

Roger that.

"Go by how it feels, not by how it sounds."

I scribbled down notes as four OneTaste pract.i.tioners, two seated next to me and two on the floor, demonstrated and explained the fine-tuning I needed. OneTaste was founded in 2001 by Nicole Daedone, a student of Morehouse and Vetterlein, to give women a clean and brightly lit place to learn about o.r.g.a.s.m from another woman. I'd met with Nicole the afternoon before, and our conversation had started at neuroscience and ended with me recounting my trial run of the Doing Method. One thing was clear to her: there was much room for improvement.

Now I found myself at OneTaste's coaching location in the SOMA district of San Francisco.

Their expansion in both New York City and California has been funded largely by Reese Jones, who sold his software company Netopia to Motorola for $208 million. The "slow-s.e.x" movement thus began and Nicole was its default leader.

In San Francisco, I was playing Larry King: "So, can I ask exactly where you are touching the c.l.i.t now? It's still an upward motion?"

I was positioned on an office chair with my elbows on my knees, looking down at the woman's v.u.l.v.a from about five feet away, where she and her male partner were positioned on pillows and throw rugs.

"You can get closer," said Aiko.

"Sure. Get as close as you need to," added the woman on her back.

So I did. I watched from a distance of about two feet, sometimes closer, as the woman's entire physiology changed over 15 minutes, asking questions and watching the man's technique.

Then it was my turn.

"Are you ready?" Aiko asked.

"Ah...sure." Personal c.l.i.toral coaching was the last thing I thought I'd be doing at 10:00 A.M A.M. on a weekday, but I already had four pages of detailed notes. If I didn't put theory into practice, none of it would make sense later. So on went the latex gloves.

My research partner arrived, and we repeated what I'd just seen. The two coaches who'd been sitting next to me earlier were now seated in front of me, kneeling about three feet from the woman's c.l.i.toris. They reached in occasionally to correct my hand position and offered intermittent suggestions ("ensure your forearm is parallel to her body") or encouragement ("good stroke!").

It was like playing for the coolest Little League team in the world. Go, Timmy, go!

My partner experienced all of the involuntary muscle contraction I had hoped for, and the group coaching, though a little weird, wasn't uncomfortable in the least.

Aiko asked me if I had any feedback after the session ended.

I did.

"This should be required education for every man on the planet."

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o.r.g.a.s.m, as defined by most women, is not gratifying. It's an all-or-nothing pressure that prevents the very phenomenon we're after. For purposes of practicing what's in this chapter, the following definition of o.r.g.a.s.m is the most useful composite I found: o.r.g.a.s.m is when there is no resistance-no physical or emotional blocking-to a single point of contact between one finger and the c.l.i.toris.This state naturally leads to the involuntary contractions and flus.h.i.+ng that most a.s.sociate with the word o.r.g.a.s.m. o.r.g.a.s.m.

Diana, the original Morehouse demo subject, concurs: I think, for men and for women, it's true that when you feel "this is it from the first stroke," that it really gets better from there.[image]

The Practice and How-To: The 15-Minute o.r.g.a.s.m I believe the two princ.i.p.al reasons the OneTaste method works so well is that (1) it is presented as a goalless practice, and (2) it decouples o.r.g.a.s.m from s.e.x.

Kissing, fondling, disrobing, whispering, and requesting are all fun and wonderful parts of s.e.x. Unfortunately, mult.i.tasking these actions often fractures the attention a woman needs to reach o.r.g.a.s.m. We'll develop singular focus through isolated practice, and it can later be brought into s.e.x.

The technique requires 15 minutes of 100% concentration on approximately three square millimeters of contact. Nothing more.

Test this and practice it. The payoff will alter your s.e.xual experiences forever.

I'll explain this from the standpoint of a man, as that's what I am, meng.

1. EXPLAIN TO YOUR PARTNER THAT IT IS A GOALLESS PRACTICE.

This is 100% critical. There is no objective, just a focus on a single point of contact. The phrasing should emphasize this and remove all expectations and pressure: "I'm going to touch you for 15 minutes. You don't need to do anything, and you don't have to do anything afterward. There is nowhere to get to, nothing to make happen. Just focus on the single point of contact. It's an exercise."

The only focus should be on the short stroke-one stroke, one stroke-just as the emphasis would be on the breath-one breath, one breath-in most forms of meditation. View it as an exercise in mindful awareness. There is no goal.

2. GET INTO POSITION.

First, the woman disrobes from the waist down and lies on her back using a pillow for neck support. Her legs are bent and spread, feet together in b.u.t.terfly position. If this makes her hips uncomfortable on one or both sides, pillows can be put underneath her knees.

Based on the premise that it is easier to achieve the proper angle of contact with the left hand, the man should sit to her right side on top of at least two pillows and straddle his bent left leg perpendicularly across her torso, foot flat on the opposite side. Add as many pillows as necessary to relieve any pressure from his left leg on her abdomen. Too many is better than too few. His right leg is straight or relaxed in b.u.t.terfly position.

Despite the left-handed positioning, which is ideal, I'm right-handed and impatient with poor fine motor control. I had more consistent luck sitting on the woman's left side and using my right hand. If you choose to do the same, it's important to tilt your right wrist toward you slightly as if you were looking at a watch. This creates a better finger angle.

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My preferred position as a right-hander Since I had the most success with this right-handed position, and since most of the world is right-handed, all ill.u.s.trations are from this position, man seated on the left side of the woman.

3. SET THE TIMER FOR 15 MINUTES, FIND THE UPPER-QUADRANT POINT OF.

GREATEST SENSATION, AND STROKE.

Limit the session to exactly 15 minutes. I used a kitchen timer. This removes performance pressure and creates a safe start-and-end container for the woman. Look at it as you would a yoga routine or deep breathing sequence. It is an exercise in focused repet.i.tion focused repet.i.tion, not a goal.

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1. c.l.i.toral hood; 2. c.l.i.toral glans (the point of contact) 2. c.l.i.toral glans (the point of contact); 3. urethral orifice; 4. v.a.g.i.n.al opening (introitus); 5. l.a.b.i.a minora; 6. perineum.

Finding the upper quadrant and anchoring (ill.u.s.trated on the next page with the right hand): [image]

1. Separate the l.a.b.i.a [image]

2. Retract the c.l.i.toral hood upward with the heel of the palm.

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3. Anchor the c.l.i.toris with the right thumb by holding the hood back.[image]4. Put your left hand under her b.u.t.tocks, two fingers under each cheek, with the thumb resting on (not in) the base of the entrance to the v.a.g.i.n.a (ring of introitus). This will act as an anchor and help the woman to relax.5. Imagine you are looking directly at the c.l.i.toris from between her legs, with the top of the c.l.i.toris as 12 o'clock on a clock face. Find 1:00 P.M P.M.-ideally a small indentation or pocket between the hood and her c.l.i.toris-with your right hand's index finger and begin stroking using the lightest touch possible and only 1/16 or so of movement. The tip of the finger is better than the pad, so cut your nails beforehand.

Nicole emphasizes the start: "If I can suggest one thing to the guys: take the time to find the spot. Once you find it, she won't be able to take more than a very light touch, like brus.h.i.+ng satin against her skin."

Stroke like a metronome at a constant speed for periods of two to three minutes, but feel free to change speed between periods.

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Elbow brace variation.

It is not uncommon for the man's lower back to tire. Fidgeting screws up everything, so I began testing an alternative elbow-brace position.

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Front angle of the elbow brace variation.

You'll notice my left elbow is braced on my left s.h.i.+n. Since the angle no longer works for the introitus placement, I instead use my left hand to immobilize her right leg. Two women I practiced this alternate position with preferred it to the textbook version.

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6. "Ground" at the end.

Once the 15 minutes have elapsed, "grounding" is performed to (ostensibly) ease the woman out of the experience. Though there are sophisticated options for this closing portion, novice males can simply apply strong pressure down on the pubic bone and up toward the woman's head, using overlapping hands as indicated. Let her dictate the pressure. Most women, in my experience, find the strongest possible pressure the most pleasurable for ending a session.

I initially thought this closing portion was a waste of time. "Grounding"? It sounded like a bunch of New Age nonsense.

Now I believe that grounding is important not as some type of energetic witchcraft, but rather for closure. It consummates a complete experience with beginning (setup), middle (stroking), and end (grounding). This format gives both parties a sense of accomplishment that artfully helps avoid fixation on a full-blown o.r.g.a.s.m as closure. Remember that it's the goalless nature of the practice that allows the relaxation that produces the o.r.g.a.s.m. This guaranteed outcome (grounding) is smart and-I now believe-critical to include.

Suggestions for a Successful Beginner's Session Based on coaching and practice, here are some helpful guidelines:

* Light contact. Remember: two pages of paper as depth of pressure. No more. It takes a lot of strength and concentration to stroke lightly.* It isn't building toward anything. Keep the practice goalless and remember the intention: singularly focused repet.i.tion for 15 minutes.* Consider using a blindfold or airline eye mask on the woman. I've found it makes them less self-conscious and increases tactile sensitivity.* Have her "turn off the show." She doesn't need to please you. Make this clear. She doesn't need to moan and groan. It's about subtle sensation and nothing extra.* Make it fun and even call it an "experiment." Serious = tension. Keep it light.* Related to the above: no no idle chatter. Some women will talk to distract themselves and prevent o.r.g.a.s.m, or to prevent facial expressions of pleasure. This is an exercise in overcoming embarra.s.sment, so the talking crutch should be removed. Using an eye mask helps minimize the talking impulse. idle chatter. Some women will talk to distract themselves and prevent o.r.g.a.s.m, or to prevent facial expressions of pleasure. This is an exercise in overcoming embarra.s.sment, so the talking crutch should be removed. Using an eye mask helps minimize the talking impulse.* Reinforce relaxation gently if the woman seems tense or anxious: "I notice you're tensed. Try and relax a little bit." If she's experiencing strong contractions which will clearly exhaust her before 15 minutes are up, encourage her to breathe and push out slightly as if she were going to pee. She won't pee, and it will help her extend the plateau and minimize fatigue.

Most common mistakes:

* Being goal-oriented. This includes women who will ask for insertion or penetration. Do not oblige them until the 15 minutes are up. s.e.x is fine afterward, but not until the session is finished. Don't give in. She might beg in the moment, but she will thank you later for holding off. Once you've completed five 15-minute sessions without caving in, feel free to break the rules and go nuts before 15 minutes are up. But not not until you've followed the rules for five sessions. until you've followed the rules for five sessions.* Asking "nonwinning" questions of the woman such as "Does it feel good?" or "Are you enjoying this?" almost guarantees lying. Asking questions is encouraged, but use directional questions instead: "Would you like a lighter or stronger stroke?" "More to your left or right?" "Higher or lower?"* Once again: using too much pressure. I consciously focused on a light touch when practicing the Doing Method for the first time, and I a.s.sumed it was light enough. It wasn't. I was using at least three times too much pressure. Imagine tickling a sleeping friend's nose just enough to make him scratch his own nose, but not enough to wake up.

Once you're comfortable with the basic practice (five stroke-only sessions), but not not before, try these: before, try these:

1. Insert the middle finger of the nonstroking hand, palm up, and use a come-hither motion to stimulate the g-spot. After five minutes, add in the index finger for a total of two fingers and continue the come-hither motion.

2. Place a buckwheat pillow10 under her hips for the same angle as the improved-angle missionary, and use your left thumb to anchor the c.l.i.toris while you perform c.u.n.n.i.l.i.n.g.u.s at the one o'clock upper quadrant of the c.l.i.t. Do this as lightly as you would perform the stroke for at least five minutes, without finger insertion, and then add in #1 above with the right hand. Build a strong neck so she doesn't pop your head off. under her hips for the same angle as the improved-angle missionary, and use your left thumb to anchor the c.l.i.toris while you perform c.u.n.n.i.l.i.n.g.u.s at the one o'clock upper quadrant of the c.l.i.t. Do this as lightly as you would perform the stroke for at least five minutes, without finger insertion, and then add in #1 above with the right hand. Build a strong neck so she doesn't pop your head off.

Afterword: The Snow Leopard Cometh So did Giselle get to the finish line? Yes. And she ended up getting much more.

It started with her masturbation homework a.s.signments.

"I'm similar to my closest friends in most ways, so I'd a.s.sumed this would also be the case. It wasn't. I was the only one [who didn't m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e]." Once she started talking to her girlfriends about it, the entire subject became less taboo and became "normal." Suddenly s.e.x wasn't something to be avoided. Now, it was something fun to talk about over a gla.s.s of wine.

She also realized that she'd been suppressing a critical part of herself, and that without a developed s.e.xuality, she wasn't a fully developed person. It took discipline to overcome old habits and subconscious sabotage: "It was really tempting to come home from work and say, 'Oh, I'm tired,' and go to bed without doing it. I really had to view it as practice, just like yoga. Practice is something you do even when you don't want to."

Rediscovering her sensual self went far beyond the bedroom. Giselle started taking salsa lessons and was finally comfortable as a sensual being. Comfortable in her own skin, she finally felt free to express herself. Not in a haphazard manner, but free from unwarranted guilt or shame. The mind can rationalize terrible voids, and there is no need for it.

Life is short, and s.e.x should be a wonderful part of it. It's a fundamental part of our natural hardwiring.

Isn't it time you let your hair down and had some real fun with it?

All it takes is 15 minutes.

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