More Toasts Part 50

COURTs.h.i.+P

If he is clean and vigorous, suitable for you and quite perfect in your opinion; if he is the man you think he is and you want him, don't put him on a pedestal and wors.h.i.+p him as an idol.

Be sensible. Wrap him around your little finger and get a ring on the next.

Mother was out, and Sister Sue was putting on her best blouse, so six-year-old Bobby had to entertain Sue's young man. As is the way with his kind, he began to ply the unfortunate caller with questions.

"Mr. Brown," he began, "what is a popinjay?"

"Why--er--a popinjay is a--eh--vain bird."

"Are you a bird, Mr. Brown?"

"No, of course not."

"Well, that's funny. Mother said you were a popinjay, and father said there was no doubt about your being a jay, and Sue said there didn't seem to be much chance of your poppin', and now you say you aren't a bird at all."

Courts.h.i.+p is a bowknot that matrimony pulls into a hard knot.

IRATE PARENT--"No, siree. You can't have her. I won't have a son-in-law who has no more brains than to want to marry a girl with no more sense than my daughter has shown in allowing you to think you could have her."--_Life_.

_The Lover's Farewell_

"Oh! fare you well, my dearest dear, Oh! fare you well for a while, I go away, but I'll come back again, If I go ten thousand miles."

"But who will take me out," she sighed, "And who will glove my hands, And who will kiss my ruby lips When you are in foreign lands?"

"Your brother will take you out," he said, "Your mother will glove your hands, And I will kiss your ruby lips When I return again."

Will and Mary had been busy courting for over two years, meeting every night in Hope Street, Glasgow. About a fortnight ago, Will, in parting with his beloved, made the usual remark:

"I'll meet ye in Hope Street tomorrow nicht. Mind and be punctual."

"'Deed, aye, Will, lad," replied Meg, with a merry twinkle in her eye.

"We hae met noo a lang time in Hope Street, an' I was jist thinkin'

that it was high time we were s.h.i.+ftin' oor trystin'-place a street farther along. Whit wad ye say to Union Street?"

MAUDE--"What makes you think his intentions are serious?"

MABEL--"When he first began to call he used to talk about the books I like to read."

MAUDE--"And now?"

MABEL--"Now he talks about the things he likes to eat."--_Life_.

"Cheer up, old man! There's other fish in the sea."

REJECTED SUITOR-"Yes, but the last one took all my bait!"--_Life_.

NEIGHBOR--"Got much money in your bank, Bobby?"

BOBBY--"Gee, no! The depositors have fallen off somethin' fierce since sister got engaged."

"So you want to marry my daughter, eh?" snorted the old man. "Do you consider yourself financially able to do so?"

"Well," replied the suitor, "after a fellow has bought candy and flowers for a girl for a year, and has taken her to the theater twice a week and is still not broke, I guess he can afford to get married."

MR. GOODTHING--"How does your sister like the engagement ring I gave her, Bobby?"

HER YOUNG BROTHER--"Well, it's a little too small;--she has an awful hard time getting it off when the other fellows call!"

MR. SLOW (calling on girl)--"You seem rather--er--distant this evening."

GIRL--"Well, your chair isn't nailed to the floor, is it?"

_See also_ Love; Proposals.

CREDIT

FIRST CREDIT MAN--"How about Jones of Pigville Center?"

SECOND CREDIT MAN--"He always pays cash, so we don't know how honest he is!"

A little girl of eight entered a store in a small town and said:

"I want some cloth to make my dolly a dress."

The merchant selected some and handed the child the package.