More Toasts Part 51

"How much is it?" she asked.

"Just one kiss," was the reply.

"All right," said the child as she turned to go, "grandma said to tell you she would pay you when she came in tomorrow."

"Them was nice folk you waited on, Mamie, ain't they?" "No, no, dear!

Appearances is deceitful. They didn't have no charge-account. Paid cash for everything."--_Judge_.

Mr. b.u.t.terworth, the grocer, was looking over the credit sales-slips one day. Suddenly he called to the new clerk:

"Did you give George Callahan credit?"

"Sure," said the clerk. "I--"

"Didn't I tell you to get a report on any and every man asking for credit?"

"Why, I did," retorted the clerk, who was an earnest young fellow.

"I did get a report. The agency said he owed money to every grocer in town, and, of course, if his credit was that good I knew that you would like to have him open an account here!"

A well-known wholesale merchant, who has a wide patronage throughout the Piedmont region of the South, received the following letter from one of his customers a few weeks ago:

"I receive your letter about what I owes you. Now be pachent. I ain't forgot you and soon as folks pay me I'll pay you, but if this was judgment day and you were no more prepared to meet your Maker than I am to meet your account then you sho going to h.e.l.l."

The credit, it may be noted, was extended.

"Rufus, aren't you feeling well?"

"No, sah; I'se not feelin' well, sah."

"Have you consulted your doctor, Rufus?"

"No, sah; I ain't don' dat, sah."

"Why? Aren't you willing to trust your doctor, Rufus?"

"Oh, yes, sah; but de trubble is he's not so alt'gether willin' to trus' me, sah."

"My son," said old man Reddit, "Take this advice from me: The less you use your credit The better it will be."

CRIME

Lives of master crooks remind us We may do a bit of time, And, departing, leave behind us Thumb-prints in the charts of crime.--_Life_.

Fear follows crime, and is its punishment.--_Voltaire_.

Responsibility prevents crimes.--_Burke_.

If poverty is the mother of crimes, want of sense is the father.--_La Bruyere_.

But many a crime deemed innocent on earth Is registered in heaven; and these no doubt Have each their record, with a curse annex'd.

--_Cowper_.

CRITICISM

A man must serve his time at ev'ry trade, Save censure; critics all are ready-made.

--_Byron_.

d.a.m.n with faint praise, a.s.sent with evil leer, And, without sneering, teach the rest to sneer: Willing to wound, and yet afraid to strike, Just hint a fault, and hesitate dislike.

--_Pope_.

THE ARTIST--"Dubbins, the art critic, has slated my pictures unmercifully."

HIS FRIEND--"Oh, don't take any notice of that fellow; he has no ideas of his own--he only repeats like a parrot what everybody else is saying."

CULTURE

JIGGS--"Townsen can read three languages."

TRIGGS--"What are they?"

JIGGS--"Magazines, sporting pages and railroad time-tables."