More Toasts Part 95

BRIGGS--"n.o.body has ever had the nerve to tell you before. And you are such a splendid, n.o.ble fellow."

GRIGGS--"Yes, yes."

BRIGGS--"You're one of those fellows who never really know what is being said to them; you're always pursuing some train of thought.

Anyone can tell half the time you are not listening by the far-away look in your eyes. You've offended a lot of people. Of course, it's terribly rude--only you don't know it. You mustn't any more, old chap (putting his hands on Grigg's shoulder). Promise me you'll quit."

GRIGGS (obliged to face him)--"Just what were you saying?"

"That cas.h.i.+er is a cool chap."

"How so?"

"A thug with a revolver ordered him to hand out the bank's cash yesterday, but he said he couldn't do it unless the thug was identified. This took the fellow so aback, he hesitated a moment and was nabbed."

Some time ago, when a local corps was reviewed by Sir Ian Hamilton, one officer was mounted on a horse that had previously distinguished itself in a bakery business. Somebody recognized the horse, and shouted, "Baker!" The horse promptly stopped dead, and nothing could urge it on.

The situation was getting painful when the officer was struck with a brilliant idea, and remarked, "Not today, thank you." The procession then moved on.

"This makes the fourth time I have had to punish you this week, Sylvester," chided the teacher. "Do you wonder why?"

"Nope!" replied Skinny Smith. "You've got the habit, that's all."

HADES

_See_ Future life.

HAPPINESS

"Happiness is merely a state of mind," quoted the Parlor Philosopher.

"If you mean happiness is imaginary I quite agree with you," replied the Mere Man. "Just watch a fellow enjoying his fifty-cent cigar, when he knows very well it's really the old five-center he used to scorn."

Keep happy when the weather's fair, Hum with the cheerful throng; Be glad that G.o.d has let you share The joys of sun and song.

Keep happy when the weather's wet The sun may hide to-day; But back of the clouds, I'll bet, He's smiling, anyway!

--_Luke McLuke_.

All who joy would win Must share it--Happiness was born a twin.

--_Byron_.

Happiness is not a fixed quant.i.ty, like the world's gold supply: so that the more one man has the less his neighbor is likely to have.

Real happiness is an infection. You can never force it upon any one.

Each individual must "take" it. I have heard people say, as explaining the misery of many, that there is not enough happiness to go around.

But the comment misses the very nature of happiness. The more there is in the world, the more there is likely to be. The larger the number of happy people the faster the infection will spread. But each must invite it. One child is happy with the crudest sort of toy, whereas another child is unhappy with an armful of toys. To the latter kind of soul, grown or ungrown, you can never give happiness, for there are not enough toys to supply everybody. Happiness is of the heart not of circ.u.mstances.

After reading a poem about a little boy who was so happy because there were lovely flowers, beautiful birds, blue sky and running brooks, eight-year-old William remarked:

"Those things would never make me happy, Miss Jones."

"Why, William," replied his teacher, "what would it take to make you happy?"

"Sat.u.r.days!" was the prompt reply.--_Harper's_.

The good fairy brought an ingot of lead and an ingot of gold and laid them before him. "Choose!" she said, simply.

The child thought a moment, and chose the lead.

"It's no heavier to carry, it's just as good to eat, and it won't make everybody hate me!" quoth he.

The good fairy laughed.

"You can be happy without any help from me," she chirped, and flew away.

HASH

The literary boarder fastened his eyes upon the hash.

"Kindly pa.s.s the Review of Reviews," he said.

They had hash on Monday for dinner, after a roast of beef on Sunday, as happens in all well-regulated families. Father had said grace, when Bobbie said:

"I don't see why you asked another blessing this evening, father. You did it yesterday over this. It's the same old stuff."

SHE (thoughtfully)--"Did you ever think much about reincarnation, dear?"