More Toasts Part 96

'18 (otherwise)--"Think about it? I eat it nearly every day--only we call it hash."

HASTE

Ten people hurry, to catch up where one hurries to get ahead.

The more haste, ever the worst speed.--_Churchill_.

Whoever is in a hurry shows that the thing he is about is too big for him. Haste and hurry are very different things.--_Chesterfield_.

HEAVEN

A Sunday-school teacher was quizzing her cla.s.s of boys on the strength of their desire for righteousness.

"All those who wish to go to heaven," she said, "please stand."

All got to their feet but one small boy.

"Why, Johnny," exclaimed the shocked teacher, "do you mean to say that you don't want to go to heaven?"

"No, ma'am," replied Johnny promptly. "Not if that bunch is going."

THE COOK--"Sir! Sir! There's a _Zep'lin_ outside and if you don't come wi' the keys of the cellar, we'll all be in--in--heaven in a couple o'

minutes!"

THE CURATE--"G.o.d forbid!"

One of the prominent deacons in an Ohio church was seriously ill.

As he was very popular among the congregation, a bulletin board was posted in front of the church to inform of his condition. It read:

"One o'clock. Deacon Jones very ill."

"Two o'clock. Deacon Jones is worse and sinking rapidly."

"Three o'clock. Deacon Jones dead."

A traveling man pa.s.sing by that evening read the bulletin and, seeing no one in sight, added at the bottom:

"Seven o'clock. Great excitement in Heaven. Deacon Jones has not arrived. The worst is feared."

"Ma, do cows and bees go to heaven?"

"Mercy, child, what a question! Why?"

"Cause if they don't, the milk and honey the preacher said was up there must be all canned stuff."

"Say, mama, was baby sent down from heaven?"

"Why, yes."

"Um. They like to have it quiet up there, don't they?"

_See also_ Future life.

h.e.l.l

_See_ Future life.

HEREDITY

"What is heredity?"

"Something a father believes in until his son starts to act like a fool."

HEROES

"So you won the Distinguished Service Cross for conspicuous bravery in extreme danger. Didn't you feel shaky?"

"Not until I lined up for the general to pin it on me."

An average American soldier.