Good Stories Reprinted from the Ladies' Home Journal of Philadelphia Part 11

"Yes," he said, "please ask Him to make me His son-in-law."

A Good Majority

A well-known English surgeon was imparting some clinical instructions to half a dozen students, according to "The Medical Age." Pausing at the bedside of a doubtful case he said: "Now, gentlemen, do you think this is or is not a case for operation?"

One by one each student made his diagnosis, and all of them answered in the negative.

"Well, gentlemen, you are all wrong," said the wielder of the scalpel, "and I shall operate to-morrow."

"No, you won't," said the patient, as he rose in his bed; "six to one is a good majority; gimme my clothes."

_Ready to Accommodate Her_

Attorney-General Moody was once riding on the platform of a Boston street car, standing next to the gate that protected pa.s.sengers from cars coming on the other track. A Boston lady came to the door of the car, and, as it stopped, started toward the gate, which was hidden from her by the men standing before it.

"Other side, please, lady," said the conductor.

He was ignored as only a born-and-bred Bostonian can ignore a man.

The lady took another step toward the gate.

"You must get off the other side," said the conductor.

"I wish to get off on this side," came the answer in tones that congealed that official into momentary silence. Before he could explain or expostulate Mr. Moody came to his a.s.sistance.

"Stand to one side, gentlemen," he remarked quietly. "The lady wishes to climb over the gate."

_A New Name for Them_

One rainy afternoon Aunt Sue was explaining the meaning of various words to her young nephew. "Now, an heirloom, my dear, means something that has been handed down from father to son," she said.

"Well," replied the boy thoughtfully, "that's a queer name for my pants."

_He Wanted to Know_

A bishop in full robes of office, with his gown reaching to his feet, was teaching a Sunday-school cla.s.s. At the close he said he would be glad to answer any questions.

A little hand went up, and he asked: "Well, my boy?"

"Can I ask?" said the boy.

"Certainly," said the Bishop; "what is it ?"

"Well," asked the boy, "is dem all you've got on, or do you wear pants under dem?"

_Woman's Love and Man's Love_

"There's just two things that break up most happy homes," observed a philosopher.

"What's them?" inquired a listener.

"Woman's love for dry goods an' man's love for wet goods, b'gos.h.!.+"

_Much Simpler_

At a country fair out in Kansas a man went up to a tent where some elk were on exhibition, and stared wistfully up at the sign.

"I'd like to go in there," he said to the keeper, "but it would be mean to go in without my family, and I cannot afford to pay for my wife and seventeen children."

The keeper stared at him in astonishment. "Are all those your children?" he gasped.

"Every one," said the man.

"You wait a minute," said the keeper. "I'm going to bring the elk out and let them see you all."

_One b.u.t.ton was in Use_

A school princ.i.p.al was trying to make clear to his cla.s.s the fundamental doctrines of the Declaration of Independence.

"Now, boys," he said, "I will give you each three ordinary b.u.t.tons.

Here they are. You must think of the first one as representing Life, of the second one as representing Liberty, and the third one as representing the Pursuit of Happiness. Next Sunday I will ask you each to produce the three b.u.t.tons and tell me what they represent."

The following Sunday the teacher said to the youngest member:

"Now, Johnnie, produce your three b.u.t.tons and tell me what they stand for."

"I ain't got 'em all," he sobbed, holding out two of the b.u.t.tons.

"Here's Life an' here's Liberty, but mommer sewed the Pursuit of Happiness on my pants."

_He Remembered_

A restaurant-keeper hung out this sign:

"Coffee: Such as Mother Used to Make."