Good Stories Reprinted from the Ladies' Home Journal of Philadelphia Part 10

"Why?" she inquired.

"Because if 'e sees wot 'e's been carrying for a s.h.i.+lling 'e'll 'ave a fit," was the freezing answer.

_Her Father Didn't Like It_

A young man told his girl the other night that if she didn't marry him he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front of her house. "Oh, please, don't do it, dear," she said; "you know father doesn't want you hanging around here."

_He Didn't Mind His Going Once_

An elderly gentleman, a stranger in New York and not sure of his way, stopped a young man on Fifth Avenue and said:

"Young man, I would like very much to go to Central Park."

The young man became thoughtful for a moment, and then, looking the old gentleman in the face, said:

"Well, I don't mind your going just this once, but don't ever, ever ask me to go there again."

_Never Again_

It was a pitiful mistake, an error sad and grim. I waited for the railway train; the light was low and dim. It came at last, and from a car there stepped a dainty dame, and, looking up and down the place, she straight unto me came. "Oh, Jack!" she cried, "oh, dear old Jack!" and kissed me as she spake; then looked again, and, frightened, cried, "Oh, what a bad mistake!" I said, "Forgive me, maiden fair, for I am not your Jack; and as regards the kiss you gave, I'll straightway give it back." And since that night I've often stood upon that platform dim, but only once in a man's whole life do such things come to him.

_A Kiss in the Rain_ by SAMUEL MINTURN PECK

One stormy morn I chanced to meet A la.s.sie in the town; Her locks were like the ripened wheat, Her laughing eyes were brown.

I watched her as she tripped along Till madness filled my brain, And then--and then--I know 'twas wrong-- I kissed her in the rain.

With raindrops s.h.i.+ning on her cheek Like dewdrops on a rose, The little la.s.sie strove to speak, My boldness to oppose; She strove in vain, and quivering, Her fingers stole in mine; And then the birds began to sing, The sun began to s.h.i.+ne.

Oh, let the clouds grow dark above, My heart is light below; 'Tis always summer when we love, However winds may blow; And I'm as proud as any prince, All honors I disdain: 'She says I am her _rain beau_ since I kissed her in the rain.

_What He Had Re(a)d_

An Irishman, says "The Rochester Times," recently went before Judge Stephens to be naturalized.

"Have you read the Declaration of Independence?" the Court asked.

"I hov not," said Pat.

"Have you read the Const.i.tution of the United States?"

"I hov not, yer Honor."

The Judge looked sternly at the applicant, and asked:

"Well, what have you read?"

Patrick hesitated but the fraction of a second before replying:

"I hov red hairs on me neck, yer Honor."

_Apostle and Epistle_

A man riding through the mountains of Tennessee stopped one evening to water his horse before a little cabin, outside of which sat an old colored woman watching the antics of a couple of piccaninnies playing near by.

"Good-evening, Aunty," he called. "Cute pair of boys you've got.

Your children?"

"Laws-a-ma.s.sy! Mah chillun! 'Deed, dem's mah daughteh's chilluns.

Come hyah, you boys."

As the boys obeyed the summons the man inquired their names.

"Clah to goodness, sah, dem chilluns is right smaht named!" said the old woman. "Ye see, mah daughteh done got 'ligion long ago, an' named dese hyah boys right out de Bible, sah. Dis hyah one's named Apostle Paul, an' de uddah's called Epistle Peter."

_More than Enough_

An eight-year-old boy went to a church picnic, and, being a favorite with the ladies, had been liberally supplied with good things to eat.

Later in the day one of the ladies noticed the boy sitting near a stream with a woebegone expression on his face and his hands clasped over his stomach.

"Why, what's the matter, Willie?" she kindly asked. "Haven't you had enough to eat?"

"Oh, yes'm," said the boy. "I've had enough. I feel as though I don't want all I've got."

_His Only Request_

A pretty young girl was walking through a Richmond hospital with delicacies for the sick and wounded. She overheard a suffering young Confederate officer say, "Oh, my Lord!"

Wis.h.i.+ng to rebuke him slightly she came to his bedside and said:

"I think that I heard you call upon the name of the Lord. I am one of His daughters. Is there anything that I can do for you?"

He looked upon the lovely face.