If Only etc. Part 22

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

Well, not to put too fine a point upon it, it's for my wife.

ROBERT ADDISON.

I warned you not to marry. Now you see how right I was--she wants two thick 'uns.

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

I know it's rough on you.

ROBERT ADDISON.

It is. I'm a sociable chap by nature, and I'm rapidly being left without a friend to bless myself with.

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

I don't grasp!

ROBERT ADDISON.

They all borrow my money, and then they say they're out the next time I call.

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

I have got a big thing on, only temporarily I'm in a hole.

ROBERT ADDISON.

I never knew a fellow in a hole who hadn't a big thing on. What is it?

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

The hole?

ROBERT ADDISON.

No, the big thing--the stable tip?

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

It's nothing to do with the turf. Look here, Schercl--you know Schercl?

ROBERT ADDISON.

I know him.

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

He gave me a commission for a picture six weeks ago; he's going to pay three hundred for it. He advanced a century when I accepted the offer.

ROBERT ADDISON.

They are wonderful terms, Tempenny, for _you_.

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

Seems rather funny, doesn't it,--but it's a fact. "n.o.body more astonished than the striker," I confess.

ROBERT ADDIS ON.

Well, where's the picture?

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

(_Turning round the big blank canvas_). There!

ROBERT ADDISON (_with a whistle_).

Oh my sainted mother! How does Schercl like it?

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

It's good work, isn't it? Fine colour and tone! How do the harmonies strike you--correct?

ROBERT ADDISON.

Unbosom, what does it mean?

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

Dear boy, it means it was a royal order, and that I've been on the royal loaf on the strength of it; and, now that I repent me, I haven't got a model.

ROBERT ADDISON.

No model?

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

The subject is to be Susannah--Susannah before the Elders. You know the kind of thing--(_whispers_).

ROBERT ADDISON.

Yes, of course, and I suppose--? (_whispers_).

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

Yes, and--(_touches his arms and chest, signifying a fine woman_--_whispers_).