Three Hats Part 11

FRED. No! He was a druggist--and my father----

BLITH. Stop! I have had enough pedigree for one day.

FRED. You have a right to be wrathful! I know I should have told you all this before--but, sir, you are not inhuman, and remember I loved her so!

BLITH. (aside). He must be mad like the servant! Perhaps this is an asylum! (Aloud, uneasily.) Come! Come! My good young man! Be calm! Are you often like this?

FRED. Always! And always shall be until you forgive me!

Oh! sir, we will take a pretty country cottage, and you shall live with us--we will watch over your declining years! And our babes unborn will circle round your bedside--and close your venerable eyelids when you leave us!

BLITH. (irritated). No, thank you! You will please request your babes to let my eyelids alone!

FRED. It can't be! Say--Oh! say you forgive me and open your withered arms to embrace the most repentant of sons-in-law.

BLITH. Sons-in-law!

FRED. Don't be angry with poor little Lottie!

BLITH. Angry with my daughter? What for?

FRED. Why--for what she's done! Don't you know all about it?

BLITH. No!

FRED. They told me you _did_!

BLITH. Look here, young man--to prevent more mixing we had better begin at the beginning--I am Bos...o...b..ithers--Who the deuce are you?

FRED. Whom should I be but Frederick Bellamy?

BLITH. (aside). Lottie's best glove customer. (Aloud.) Well, what do you want?

FRED. Your consent, it is too late to ask--but your forgiveness you cannot refuse----

BLITH. I can--and I do! Lottie is engaged to Captain Cornelius Katskill.

FRED. Engaged! She _can't_ be!

BLITH. I tell you she is! For she loves him to distraction!

He confessed it!

FRED (in pa.s.sion). If he said that he is a----

BLITH. (stopping him). Hus.h.!.+

FRED. So he _is_, if he dared say that! He shall withdraw his words or I will kill him. (Crossing, L.)

BLITH. Kill my future son-in-law! I forbid you!

FRED. What! Do _you_ defend him?

Enter SELWYN, R. 2 E.

SEL. What's this? Fred confabulating with the duellist!

FRED (to BLITHERS). It's no use! I will fight! Return to your Irishman, and tell him so! (Business. BLITHERS endeavoring to pacify FRED.)

SEL. What's all this about?

BLITH. (who has given up restraining FRED, in despair. FRED down L., in chair). About? About as near to raving madness as ever was seen! Go and buy a straight-jacket, sir, he's a lunatic. While you are at the straight waistcoat shop you may as well purchase half a dozen, for he's not the only madman on the premises.

(Exit BLITHERS, L. U. E.

SEL. I see it all! He would save my life a second time, by challenging this deliberate desperado!

Enter MRS. SELWYN, L. U. E.

MRS. S. What _is_ the matter, Sam?

SEL. I don't know--I'll ask Fred! Fred! my dear boy, what is the matter? (FRED has sunk down with his face in his hands, L.) On what are you meditating, Fred?

FRED. I am meditating why I did not let you stop at the bottom of the lake. I mean to leave this wretched London, where all is perfidy and deceit!

Enter GRACE, L. U. E.

FRED (going up to GRACE). Good-bye, Miss Selwyn, and good-bye, Mrs. Selwyn, good-bye, Sam. If I met the wretch who has supplanted me in her affections I should slay him. Tell her that I return to my native village to avoid having to kill her Cornelius.

MRS. S. and GRACE (horror stricken). Kill Cornelius! (Going R.)

FRED. Yes! I will spare the man she loves--but we must not meet, or I will not be answerable for my acts.

SEL. Oh! bos.h.!.+ What are you talking about? Who is this Cornelius? Cheer up, Fred, and she shall marry _you_--and not _him_!

MRS. S. and GRACE. Never!

FRED. Too late! I know she prefers my rival! It's all settled.

SEL. Settled! It's _not_ settled! It _can't_ be settled without my consent!

MRS. S. (crosses to C.). Consent! You know you have given that! He said he'd seen you just now and you had blessed him!

SEL. Seen _me_!

GRACE. Yes. Now don't change your mind _again_, pa!

SEL. I shall lose my temper presently. (To FRED.) I say you _shall_ have her!

GRACE (throwing herself into her mother's arms). Oh, ma, it's broken off again!