Three Hats Part 10

BLITH. I congratulate you on your connections! (Aside.) What does he want to be so communicative for?

CAPT. K. Your next question naturally is, "What is your fortune? What are your prospects?"

BLITH. Sir! I would not take so great a liberty!

CAPT. K. From an uncle on my mother's side I shall come into five hundred a year.

BLITH. Not to be sneezed at, certainly!

CAPT. K. At present I have only my pay, and about two hundred a year from my father; but the Kilkenny Katskills were never rich, and always better hands at drawing a sword than a cheque. Is this an answer to your inquiries?

BLITH. (bowing). Sir, you are very polite! (Aside.) It seems the thing in society to make known your exact financial position! I will return the compliment. (Aloud.) Sir, I am the fifteenth child of a score of pledges Heaven sent to bless my parents' declining years--my early days were pa.s.sed----

CAPT. K. (attempting to stop him). Oh! Don't mention it!

BLITH. (insisting). Pa.s.sed at the village of Slopton-on-the-Slushy.

CAPT. K. Do not give me a description of your past life!

(With pa.s.sion.) I love your charming child!

BLITH. (astounded). What!

CAPT. K. To obtain her hand is my ardent aspiration!

BLITH. (aside). What a match for my girl. (Aloud.) Pray sit down, sir. (Noticing that CAPTAIN KATSKILL is about to sit down on chair by secretary where hat is placed.) But _not_ on my hat!

CAPT. K. A thousand pardons! (Politely handing it to BLITHERS, he reads name inside.) "Selwyn," his card is at the bottom.

BLITH. May I ask how you came to know I was here?

CAPT. K. It was your excellent wife who sent me to you.

BLITH. You have seen her? She knows about your pretensions?

CAPT. K. She honors me by her preference--as does your jewel of a daughter.

BLITH. It's as good as settled then?

CAPT. K. I now only await _your_ consent. (Rising.)

BLITH. You have it, my boy! Bless you! (With emotion.)

CAPT. K. Oh! How can I testify my grat.i.tude?

BLITH. By being good to the girl--for I love her as if she were my own.

CAPT. K. As _if_ she were--Is she _not_ your own?

BLITH. I am her step father only!

CAPT. K. But she bears your name?

BLITH. (explaining on fingers). Yes, I married my cousin's widow, so our names are the same. When do you propose to be married? (Putting back chair.)

CAPT. K. (ardently). As soon as possible!--Sooner if not before!

BLITH. You are a Hibernian, and therefore impetuous.

CAPT. K. Yet I was afraid to meet you! For I thought you favored a certain Mr. Bellamy.

BLITH. No! Although I have heard he has been making up to my girl--and has bought a good many pairs of new gloves! Ha! Ha!

CAPT. K. Ha Ha! (Aside.) I don't know what he's laughing at--but I suppose it's all right. (Aloud.) Allow me to take my leave. (Bowing.)

BLITH. Don't mention it! (Both bowing. Exit CAPTAIN KATSKILL, L. U. E.)

BLITH. We shall be a polite family when we get this young man amongst us! Now about this hat--I seem to be forgotten altogether. Hullo!

Enter FRED, C., much agitated and still with Directory and hat.

FRED. At last I have caught you!

BLITH. (aside). This is the young man commissioned to restore my beaver.

FRED. You know all!

BLITH. (puzzled). That's rather a _lot_ to know--but still----

FRED. Hus.h.!.+ For two hours I have been following in your footsteps--(Restraining BLITHERS, who wishes to speak.) She tells me she has written twice--but what has become of her letters? When I arrived at the little shop I learnt all! They told me you were here, and so I rushed back to catch you!

BLITH. To catch me? What for?

FRED. Oh! sir, _I_ am young--_she_ is young--_you_ were young--once!

BLITH. Yes, but----

FRED. Sir, _she_ is lovely--_I_ am considered fairly good-looking--_you_ may have been good-looking yourself!

BLITH. No! I----

FRED. Yes--I insist on giving you the benefit of the doubt!

Sir, we loved! That is our excuse!

BLITH. _You_ loved? _Who_ loved?

FRED. I am of good family--my grandfather----

BLITH. Was "Devil-may-care-Kilkenny!"--No! (Aside.) That was the other fellow's grandfather!