Three Hats Part 16

SEL. Fred!

MRS. S. Fred! Oh! I have locked the hussy in with _him_!

Where is the young woman?

FRED. Oh! _She's_ all right! Had a cry at first, but I soon consoled her! Don't look astonished--it's all correct--we have been alone together before!

MRS. S. (to SELWYN). You hear! A nice character you have picked up!

Enter BLITHERS, C., still with hat.

MRS. S. Mr. Tompkins!--I cannot stay here to be degraded in the presence of a poet! (Exit MRS. SELWYN, R. 2 E.)

BLITH. (to FRED). Welcome, son-in-law! Welcome! Come to my arms!

FRED. Oh! Father-in-law!

SEL. (aside). They have made it up!

BLITH. My girl has confessed that she loves you--and you alone--she never cared for that Captain Katskill.

FRED. I knew she didn't!

SEL. (aside). Oh! So Fred knew Lottie all this while!

BLITH. When will you be married?

FRED. Oh, we've arranged all that!

SEL. Fred's going to marry her!--oh!

BLITH. We had better make haste back to her--for she was rather impatient.

FRED. No occasion--she's here!

SEL. (aside). He saved my life!--In common justice I ought to tell him. (Taking him aside.) Pause before you link yourself with this man's daughter. _She_ is the girl I had supper with last night.

FRED (leaping upon SELWYN and pinning him on chair).

Calumniator!

BLITH. Hullo! This _is_ a sudden out-break!

SEL. (half choked). Let--go--my--throat!

FRED. Confess you have slandered her!

BLITH. Slandered whom? (Dodging round them.)

SEL. Yes! Yes! Anything you like! (FRED releases SELWYN, who then produces letters.) But look at those proofs.

FRED. Lottie's letters (kisses them) to me.

SEL. To _you_? Who is Lottie, then?

BLITH. My daughter! Of course!

SEL. Your daughter? Then who the devil is in _that_ room?

(Going to door meets LOTTIE BLITHERS.) _This_ is not the young woman _I_ met--this is not _my_ Lottie! (LOTTIE crosses to FRED.)

FRED. No! She's _mine_. It's all serene, don't worry yourself! (Putting arm round her waist.)

SEL. But I _do_ worry myself--and it is _not_ all serene--for I _have just confessed to my wife_!

FRED. Well?

SEL. Well! And I shouldn't have done so if I hadn't thought the _real_ girl I met was in that room--I have given myself away, that's what I have done!

Enter DIBBS--to FRED.

DIBBS. Please, sir, here's Captain Katskill called for you!

FRED. I had forgotten my duel!

BLITH. _You_ in a duel!

SEL. Oh! It can be arranged now! (BLITHERS crosses to C.)

DIBBS. Come in, Captain Catstail!

Enter CAPTAIN KATSKILL.

CAPT. K. Oh! I thought _you_ were alone! (Going towards BLITHERS.) Mr. Selwyn, allow me to explain.

SEL. Selwyn! No, you mean Tompkins.

FRED. Tompkins? No--you mean Blithers!

CAPT. K. (to BLITHERS). Are _you_ not Mr. Selwyn?

BLITH. Certainly not!

SEL. How many more times? _I_ am Mr. Selwyn. (Turning to BLITHERS.) Are you not Tompkins?

BLITH. No!

CAPT. K. By the piper who refused to play before Moses, I see it all!

SEL. And I see nothing but a fearful fog? (Taking hat which FRED has placed upon table, L.) Since you turn out _not_ to be Tompkins!