The Lunatic at Large Part 4

Such a beginning was so wholly unexpected that Lady Alicia could only give a little gasp of consternation. Her companion, after pausing an instant for a reply, went on in the same tone, "I am aware that I have begun well.

I attracted your attention, I elicited your sympathy, and I pressed your hand; but for the life of me I can't remember what I generally do next."

Poor Lady Alicia, who had come with a bucketful of sympathy ready to be gulped down by this unfortunate gentleman, was only able to stammer, "I-I really don't know, Mr--"

"Hamilton," said Mr Beveridge, unblus.h.i.+ngly. "At least that name belongs to me as much as anything can be said to in a world where my creditors claim my money and Dr Congleton my person."

"You are confined and poor, you mean?" asked Lady Alicia, beginning to see her way again.

"Poor and confined, to put them in their proper order, for if I had the wherewithal to purchase a balloon I should certainly cease to be confined."

His admirer found it hard to reply adequately to this, and Mr Beveridge continued, "To return to the delicate subject from which we strayed, what would you like me to do,-put my arm round your waist, relate my troubles, or turn my back on you?"

"Are-are those the three ways you spoke of-to make women like you, I mean?" Lady Alicia ventured to ask, though she was beginning to wish the sofa was larger.

"They are examples of the three cla.s.sical methods: cuddling, humbugging, and piquing. Which do you prefer?"

"Tell me about your-your troubles," she answered, gaining courage a little.

"You belong to the s.e.x which makes no mention of figs and spades," he rejoined; "but I understand you to mean that you prefer humbugging."

He drew a long face, sighed twice, and looking tenderly into Lady Alicia's blue eyes, began in a gentle, reminiscent voice, "My boyhood was troubled and unhappy: no kind words, no caresses. I was beaten by a cruel stepfather, ignored and insulted for my physical deformities by a heartless stepmother."

He stopped to sigh again, and Lady Alicia, with a boldness that surprised herself, and a perspicacity that would have surprised her friends, asked, "How could they-I mean, were they _both_ step?"

"Several steps," he replied; "in fact, quite a long journey."

With this explanation Lady Alicia was forced to remain satisfied; but as he had paused a second time, and seemed to be immersed in the study of his shoes, she inquired again, "You spoke of physical infirmities; do you mean--?"

"Deformities," he corrected; "up to the age of fourteen years I could only walk sideways, and my hair parted in the middle."

He spoke so seriously that these unusual maladies seemed to her the most touching misfortunes she had ever heard of. She murmured gently, "Yes?"

"As the years advanced," Mr Beveridge continued, "and I became more nearly the same weight as my stepfather, my life grew happier. It was decided to send me to college, so I was provided with an insufficient cheque, a complete set of plated forks, and three bath-towels, and despatched to the University of Oxford. At least I think that was the name of the corporation which took my money and endeavoured to restrict my habits, though, to confess the truth, my memory is not what it used to be. There I learned wisdom by the practice of folly-the most amusing and effective method. My tutor used to tell me I had some originality. I apologised for its presence in such a respectable inst.i.tution, and undertook to pa.s.s an examination instead. I believe I succeeded: I certainly remember giving a dinner to celebrate something. Thereupon at my own expense the University inflicted a degree upon me, but I was shortly afterwards compensated by the death of my uncle and my accession to his estates. Having enjoyed a university education, and accordingly possessing a corrected and regulated sentiment, I was naturally inconsolable at the decease of this venerable relative, who for so long had shown a kindly interest in the poor orphan lad."

He stopped to sigh again, and Lady Alicia asked with great interest, "But your step-parents, you always had them, hadn't you?"

"Never!" he replied, sadly.

"Never?" she exclaimed in some bewilderment.

"Certainly not often," he answered, "and oftener than not, never. If you had told me beforehand you wished to hear my history, I should have pruned my family tree into a more presentable shape. But if you will kindly tell me as I go along which of my relatives you disapprove of, and who you would like to be introduced, I shall arrange the plot to suit you."

"I only wish to hear the true story, Mr Hamilton."

"Fortescue," he corrected. "I certainly prefer to be called by one name at a time, but never by the same twice running."

He smiled so agreeably as he said this that Lady Alicia, though puzzled and a little hurt, could not refrain from smiling back.

"Let me hear the rest," she said.

"It is no truer than the first part, but quite as entertaining. So, if you like, I shall endeavour to recall the series of painful episodes that brought me to Clankwood," he answered, very seriously.

Lady Alicia settled herself comfortably into one corner of the sofa and prepared to feel affected. But at that moment the portly form of Dr Congleton appeared from the direction of the ballroom with a still more portly dowager on his arm.

"My mother!" exclaimed Lady Alicia, rising quickly to her feet.

"Indeed?" said Mr Beveridge, who still kept his seat. "She certainly looks handsome enough."

This speech made Lady Alicia blush very becomingly, and the Countess looked at her sharply.

"Where have you been, Alicia?"

"The room was rather warm, mamma, and--"

"In short, madam," interrupted Mr Beveridge, rising and bowing, "your charming daughter wished to study a lunatic at close quarters. I am mad, and I obligingly raved. Thus--" He ran one hand through his hair so as to make it fall over his eyes, blew out his cheeks, and uttering a yell, sprang high into the air, and descended in a sitting posture on the floor.

"That, madam, is a very common symptom," he explained, with a smile, smoothing down his hair again, "as our friend Dr Congleton will tell you."

Both the doctor and the Countess were too astonished to make any reply, so he turned again to Lady Alicia, and offering his arm, said, "Let me lead you back to our fellow-fools."

"Is he safe?" whispered the Countess.

"I-I believe so," replied Dr Congleton in some confusion; "but I shall have him watched more carefully."

As they entered the room Mr Beveridge whispered, "Will you meet a poor lunatic again?" And the Lady Alicia pressed his arm.

CHAPTER IV.

On the morning after the dance Dr Congleton summoned Dr Escott to his room.

"Escott," he began, "we must keep a little sharper eye on Mr Beveridge."

"Indeed, sir?" said Escott; "he seems to me harmless enough."

"Nevertheless, he must be watched. Lady Grillyer was considerably alarmed by his conduct last night, and a client who has confided so many of her relatives to my care must be treated with the greatest regard. I receive pheasants at Christmas from no fewer than fourteen families of t.i.tle, and my reputation for discretion is too valuable to be risked. When Mr Beveridge is not under your own eyes you must see that Moggridge always keeps him in sight."

Accordingly Moggridge, a burly and seasoned attendant on refractory patients, was told off to keep an un.o.btrusive eye on that accomplished gentleman. His duties appeared light enough, for, as I have said, Mr Beveridge's eccentricities had hitherto been merely of the most playful nature.

After luncheon on this same day he gave Escott twelve breaks and a beating at billiards, and then having borrowed and approved of one of his cigars, he strolled into the park. If he intended to escape observation, he certainly showed the most skilful strategy, for he dodged deviously through the largest trees, and at last, after a roundabout ramble, struck a sheltered walk that ran underneath the high, gla.s.s-decked outer wall. It was a sunny winter afternoon. The boughs were stripped, and the leaves lay littered on the walk or flickered and stirred through the gra.s.s. In this spot the high trees stood so close and the bare branches were so thick that there was still an air of quiet and seclusion where he paced and smoked. Every now and then he stopped and listened and looked at his watch, and as he walked backwards and forwards an amused smile would come and go.

All at once he heard something move on the far side of the wall: he paused to make sure, and then he whistled, the sounds outside ceased, and in a moment something fell softly behind him. He turned quickly and s.n.a.t.c.hed up a little b.u.t.tonhole of flowers with a still smaller note tied to the stems.

"An uncommonly happy idea," he said to himself, looking at the missive with the air of one versed in these matters. Then he leisurely proceeded to unfold and read the note.

"To my friend," he read, "if I may call you a friend, since I have known you only _such a short time_-may I? This is just to express my sympathy, and although I cannot express it well, still perhaps you will forgive my feeble effort!!"