A Bayard From Bengal Part 5

CHAPTER IX

THE DARK HORSE

Full many a mare with coat of milkiest sheen, Is dyed in dark unfathomed coal mines drab; Full many a flyer's born to blush unseen, And waste her swiftness on a hansom cab.

_Lines to order by a young English friend, who swears they are original. But I regard them as an unconscious plagiarism from Poet Young's "Eulogy of a Country Cemetery." H. B. J._

It is a gain, a precious, let me gain! let me gain!

Oh, Potentate! Oh, Potentate!

The shower of thine secret shoe-dust Oh, Potentate! Oh, Potentate!

_Dr. Ram Kinoo Dutt_ (_of Chittagong_).

We left Mr Bhosh in full pursuit of the runaway horse and milk-chariot which he had so spiritedly purchased while still _en route_. After running a mile or two, he was unspeakably rejoiced to find that the equipage had automatically come to a standstill and was still in prime condition--with the exception of the lacteal fluid, which had made its escape from the pails.

Bindabun, however, was not disposed to weep for long over spilt milk, and had the excessive magnanimity to restore the chariot and pails to the dairy merchant, who was beside himself with grat.i.tude.

Then, Mr Bhosh, with a joyful heart, having detached his purchase from the shafts, conducted it in triumph to his domicile. It turned out to be a mare, white as snow and of marvellous amiability; and, partly because of her origin, and partly from her complexion, he christened her by the appellation of _Milky Way_.

Although perforce a complete ignoramus in the art of educating a horse to win any equine contest, Mr Bhosh's nude commonsense told him that the first step was to fatten his rather too filamentous pupil with corn and similar seeds, and after a prolonged course of beanfeasts he had the gratification to behold his mare filling out as plump as a dumpling.

As he desired her to remain the dark horse as long as possible, he concealed her in a small toolshed at the end of the garden, ministering to her wants with his own hands, and conducting her for daily nocturnal const.i.tutionals several times round the central gra.s.s-patch.

For some time he refrained from mounting--"fain would he climb but that he feared to fall," as Poet Bunyan once scratched with a diamond on Queen Anne's window; but at length, reflecting that if nothing ventures nothing is certain to win, he purchased a padded saddle with appendages, and surmounted _Milky Way_, who, far from regarding him as an interloper, appeared gratified by his arrival, and did her utmost to make him feel thoroughly at home.

The next step was, of course, to obtain permission from the pundits who rule the roast of the Jockey Club, that _Milky Way_ might be allowed to compete in the approaching Derby.

Now this was a more delicately ticklish matter than might be supposed, owing to the circ.u.mstance that the said pundits are such warm men, and so well endowed with this world's riches that they are practically non-corruptible.

Fortunately, Mr Bhosh, as a dabster in English composition, was a pastmaster in drawing a pet.i.tion, and, sitting down, he constructed the following:--

TO THOSE MOST WORs.h.i.+PFUL BIGHEADS IN CONTROL OF JOCKEYS CLUB.

BENIGN PERSONAGES!

This Pet.i.tion humbly sheweth:

(1.) That your Pet.i.tioner is a native Indian Cambridge B.A., a Barrister-at-law, and a most loyal and devoted subject of Her Majesty the QUEEN-EMPRESS.

(2.) That it is of excessive importance to him, for private reasons, that he should win a Derby Race.

(3.) That such a famous victory would be eminently popular with all cla.s.ses of Indian natives, and inordinately increase their affection for British rule.

(4.) That for some time past your Pet.i.tioner has been diligently training a quadruped which he fondly hopes may gain a victory.

(5.) That said quadruped is a member of the fair s.e.x.

(6.) That she is a female horse of very docile disposition, but, being only recently extracted from shafts of dairy chariot, is a total neophyte in Derby racing.

(7.) That your lords.h.i.+ps may direct that she is to be kindly permitted to try her luck in this world-famous compet.i.tion.

(8.) That it would greatly encourage her to exhibit topmost speed if she could be allowed to start running a few minutes previously to older stagers.

(9.) That if this is unfortunately contrary to regulations, then the Judge should receive secret instructions to look with a favourable eye upon the said female horse (whose name is _Milky Way_) and award her first prize, even if by any chance she may not prove quite so fast a runner as more professional hacks:

And your Pet.i.tioner will ever pray on bended knees that so truly magnificent an inst.i.tution as the Epsom Derby Course may never be suppressed on grounds of encouraging national vice of gambling and so forth. Signed, &c.

The wording of the above proved Mr Bhosh's profound acquaintance with the human heart, for it instantaneously attained the desired end.

The Honble Stewards returned a very kind answer, readily consenting to receive _Milky Way_ as a candidate for Derby honours, but regretting that it was _ultra vires_ to concede her a few minutes' start, and intimating that she must start with a scratch in company with all the other horses.

Bindabun was not in the least degree cast down or depressed by this refusal of a start, since he had not entertained any sanguine hope that it would be granted, and had only inserted it to make insurance doubly sure, for he was every day more confident that _Milky Way_ was to win, even though obliged to step off with the rank and file.

CHAPTER X

TRUST HER NOT! SHE IS FOOLING THEE!

As the Sunset flames most fiery when snuffed out by sudden night; As the Swan reserves its twitter till about to hop the twig; As the Cobra's head swells biggest just before he does his bite; So a feminine smiles her sweetest ere she gives her nastiest dig.

_Satirical Stanza (unpublished) by H. B. J._

Now that our hero had obtained that the name of _Milky Way_ was to be inscribed on the Golden Book of Derby candidates, his next proceeding was to hire a practical jockey to a.s.sume supreme command of her.

And this was no simple matter, since practical jockeys are usually hired many weeks beforehand, and demand handsome wages for taking their seats.

But at last, after protracted advertis.e.m.e.nts, Mr Bhosh had the good fortune to pitch upon a perfect treasure, whose name was Cadwallader Perkin, and who, for his riding in some race or other, had been awarded a whole year's holiday by the stewards who had observed the paramountcy of his horsemans.h.i.+p.

No sooner had Perkin inspected _Milky Way_ than he was quite in love with his stable companion, and a.s.sured his employer that, with more regular out-of-door exercise, she would be easily competent to win the Derby on her head, whereupon Mr Bhosh consented that she should be galloped after dark round the inner circle of Regent's Park, which is chiefly populated at such a time by male and female bicyclists.

But in order to pay Perkins charges, and also provide a silken jockey tunic and cap of his own racing colours (which were cream and sky-blue), Mr Bhosh was compelled to borrow more money from Mr McAlpine, who, as a Jewish Scotch, exacted the rather exorbitant interest of sixty per centum.

It leaked out in some manner that _Milky Way_ was a coming Derby favourite, and the property of a Native young Indian sportsman, whose entire fortunes depended on her success, and soon immense mult.i.tudes congregated in Regent's Park to witness her trials of speed, and cheered enthusiastically to behold the fiery sparks scintillating from the stones as she circ.u.mvented the inner circle in seven-leagued boots.

Mr Bhosh of course a.s.severated that she was a very mediocre sort of mare, and that he did not at all expect that she would prove a winner, but connoisseurs nevertheless betted long odds upon her success, and Bindabun himself, though not a speculative, did put on the pot himself upon the golden egg which he was so anxiously hatching.

One evening amongst those who were gathered to view the nocturnal exercises of _Milky Way_ there appeared a feminine spectator of rather sinister aspect, in a thick veil and a victoria-carriage.

It was no other than d.u.c.h.ess d.i.c.kinson, who had somehow learnt how courageously Mr Bhosh was endeavouring to fulfil the Astrologer-Royal's prediction, and who had come to ascertain whether his mare was indeed such a paragon of celerity as had been represented.

The very first time that _Milky Way_ cantered past with the gait of a streak of lightning, the d.u.c.h.ess realised with a sinking heart that Mr Bhosh must indubitably succeed at the Derby--_unless he was prevented_.