The Book of Humorous Verse Part 37

Far, oh, far is the Mango island, Far, oh, far is the tropical sea-- Palms a-slant and the hills a-smile, and A cannibal maiden a-waiting for me.

I've been deceived by a damsel Spanish, And Indian maidens both red and brown, A black-eyed Turk and a blue-eyed Danish, And a Puritan la.s.sie of Salem town.

For the Puritan Prue she sets in the offing, A-castin' 'er eyes at a tall marine, And the Spanish minx is the wust at scoffing Of all of the wimming I ever seen.

But the cannibal maid is a simple creetur, With a habit of gazin' over the sea, A-hopin' in vain for the day I'll meet 'er, And constant and faithful a-yearnin' for me.

Me Turkish sweetheart she played me double-- Eloped with the Sultan Harum In-Deed, And the Danish damsel she made me trouble When she ups and married an oblong Swede.

But there's truth in the heart of the maid o' Mango, Though her cheeks is black like the kiln-baked cork, As she sets in the shade o' the whingo-whango, A-waitin' for me--with a knife and fork.

_Wallace Irwin._

WIDOW BEDOTT TO ELDER SNIFFLES

O reverend sir, I do declare It drives me most to frenzy, To think of you a-lying there Down sick with influenzy.

A body'd thought it was enough To mourn your wife's departer, Without sich trouble as this ere To come a-follerin' arter.

But sickness and affliction Are sent by a wise creation, And always ought to be underwent By patience and resignation.

O, I could to your bedside fly, And wipe your weeping eyes, And do my best to cure you up, If 'twouldn't create surprise.

It's a world of trouble we tarry in, But, Elder, don't despair; That you may soon be movin' again Is constantly my prayer.

Both sick and well, you may depend You'll never be forgot By your faithful and affectionate friend, |Priscilla Pool Bedott|.

_Frances Miriam Whitcher._

UNDER THE MISTLETOE

She stood beneath the mistletoe That hung above the door, Quite conscious of the sprig above, Revered by maids of yore.

A timid longing filled her heart; Her pulses throbbed with heat; He sprang to where the fair girl stood.

"May I--just one--my sweet?"

He asked his love, who tossed her head, "Just do it--if--you dare!" she said.

He sat before the fireplace Down at the club that night.

"She loves me not," he hotly said, "Therefore she did but right!"

She sat alone within her room, And with her finger-tips She held his picture to her heart, Then pressed it to her lips.

"My loved one!" sobbed she, "if you--cared You surely would have--would have--dared."

_George Francis Shults._

THE BROKEN PITCHER

It was a Moorish maiden was sitting by a well, And what the maiden thought of I cannot, cannot tell.

When by there rode a valiant knight from the town of Oviedo-- Alphonso Guzman was he hight, the Count of Desparedo.

"Oh, maiden, Moorish maiden! why sitt'st thou by the spring?

Say, dost thou seek a lover, or any other thing?

Why gazest thou upon me, with eyes so large and wide, And wherefore doth the pitcher lie broken by thy side?"

"I do not seek a lover, thou Christian knight so gay, Because an article like that hath never come my way; And why I gaze upon you, I cannot, cannot tell, Except that in your iron hose you look uncommon swell.

"My pitcher it is broken, and this the reason is,-- A shepherd came behind me, and tried to s.n.a.t.c.h a kiss; I would not stand his nonsense, so ne'er a word I spoke, But scored him on the costard, and so the jug was broke.

"My uncle, the Alcayde, he waits for me at home, And will not take his tumbler until Zorayda come.

I cannot bring him water--the pitcher is in pieces-- And so I'm sure to catch it, 'cos he wallops all his nieces."

"Oh, maiden, Moorish maiden! wilt thou be ruled by me!

So wipe thine eyes and rosy lips, and give me kisses three; And I'll give thee my helmet, thou kind and courteous lady, To carry home the water to thy uncle, the Alcayde."

He lighted down from off his steed--he tied him to a tree-- He bowed him to the maiden, and took his kisses three: "To wrong thee, sweet Zorayda, I swear would be a sin!"

He knelt him at the fountain, and he dipped his helmet in.

Up rose the Moorish maiden--behind the knight she steals, And caught Alphonso Guzman up tightly by the heels; She tipped him in, and held him down beneath the bubbling water,-- "Now, take thou that for venturing to kiss Al Hamet's daughter!"

A Christian maid is weeping in the town of Oviedo; She waits the coming of her love, the Count of Desparedo.

I pray you all in charity, that you will never tell, How he met the Moorish maiden beside the lonely well.

_William E. Aytoun._

GIFTS RETURNED

"You must give back," her mother said, To a poor sobbing little maid, "All the young man has given you, Hard as it now may seem to do."

"'Tis done already, mother dear!"

Said the sweet girl, "So never fear."

_Mother_. Are you quite certain? Come, recount (There was not much) the whole amount.

_Girl_. The locket; the kid gloves.

_Mother_. Go on.

_Girl_. Of the kid gloves I found but one.

_Mother_. Never mind that. What else? Proceed.

You gave back all his trash?