The Handbook of Conundrums Part 14

Why is a joint company not like a watch? Because it does not go after it is wound up.

When may a man be said to be personally involved? When he is wrapped up in himself.

What wind should a hungry sailor wish for? One that blows fowl and chops about.

Why are bookkeepers like chickens? Because they have to scratch for a living.

Why do British soldiers never run away? Because they belong to the standing army.

What part of a car resembles a person? The wheel, because it is tired.

On which side of a pitcher is the handle? The outside.

When may a chair be said to dislike you? When it can't bear you.

What is that which divides by uniting and unites by dividing? The scissors.

Why are young children like castles in the air? Because their existence is only in-fancy.

Why is a proud girl like a music book? She is full of airs.

Why is a short negro like a white man? Because he is not at all black (not a tall black).

Why are bells the most obedient of inanimate things? Because they make a noise whenever they are told (tolled).

Why is the most discontented man the most easily satisfied? Nothing satisfies him.

Why are ripe potatoes in the ground like thieves? They ought to be taken up.

Why is it unjust to blame cabmen for cheating us? We call them to take us in.

Why are weary people like carriage wheels? Because they are tired.

Why does a tall man eat less than a short man? Because he makes a little go a long way.

What is the dryest subject? The mummy.

When are candles and women most alike? When sputtering.

Why are confectioners so much sought for? Because they serve kisses.

How many sides has a pitcher? Two, inside and outside.

What is wind like in a storm? Like to blow your hat off.

What is the difference between an honest and dishonest laundress? One irons your linen, the other steals it.

When is a policeman very like a rainbeau? When he appears after the storm is over.

Where are we most likely to find the sky blue? The nearer we go to the Milky Way.

What is the difference between a wealthy toper and a skillful miner?

One turns his gold into quarts, the other turns his quartz into gold.

Why is an orange like a church steeple? Because we have a peel from it.

Why is the tolling of a bell like the prayer of a hypocrite? Because it's a solemn sound from a thoughtless tongue.

Why is a shoemaker like a true lover? Because he's faithful to the last.

What is the difference between a honeycomb and a honeymoon? One is made up of a lot of little cells, the other is one enormous sell only.

Why is the crabbed old bachelor who made the above conundrum like a harp struck by lightning? Because he is a blasted lyre.

When is truth not truth any longer? When it lies at the bottom of a well.

What should a clergyman preach about? About a quarter of an hour.

When is a man's pastor really and truly his brother? When he's his pa's son (parson).

What is the best way to hide a bear; it doesn't matter how big he is--the bigger the better? Skin him.

Why are sentries like day and night? Because when one comes the other goes.

When does the eagle turn carpenter? When he soars (saws) the woods--and plains.

Which one of a carpenter's tools is coffee like? An axe with a dull edge, because it must be ground before it can be used.

Why is it vulgar to send a telegram? Because it is making use of flash language.

Why is a spider a good correspondent? Because he drops a line by every post.

What is the difference between a correspondent and a corespondent?

One is a man who does write (right), and the other a man who does wrong.

What kind of servants are best for hotels? The inn-experienced.

What sort of a day would be a good one to run for a cup? A muggy one.

Why are sugar-plums like racehorses? Because the more you lick them the faster they go.

Why ought a greedy man to wear a plaid waistcoat? To keep a check on his stomach.

When a church is burning, what is the only part that runs no chance of being saved? The organ, because the engine can't play upon it.

When are sheep stationery? When turned into pens, and into paper when folded.

What key in music will make a good officer? A Sharp Major.