The Handbook of Conundrums Part 28

What is that which is put on the table and cut, but never eaten? A pack of cards.

What fas.h.i.+onable game do frogs play at--besides leap-frog? Croaky (croquet).

What question is that to which you positively must answer yes? What does y-e-s spell?

What would a pig do if he wished to build himself a habitation? Tie a knot in his tail, and call it a pig's-tie (pig's sty).

If the before-mentioned porker wished to demolish the pig's sty he had built, what quotation would he make? "I could a tail (tale) unfold."

What is that which is white, black, and red all over, which shows some people to be green, and makes others look black and blue? A newspaper.

Why is a newspaper like an army? Because it has leaders, columns, and reviews.

What part of a lady's face in January is like a celebrated fur?

Chin-chilly (chinchilla).

Why are suicides invariably successful people in the world? Because they always manage to accomplish their own ends.

Where is the cheapest place to buy poultry? At the State Bath House, where you can get a duck for a dime.

Why are the "blue devils" like m.u.f.fins? Because they are both fancy bred (bread).

What makes more noise than a pig in a sty? Two pigs.

When would a farmer have the best opportunity for overlooking his pigs? When he has a sty in his eye.

What is lengthened by being cut at both ends? A ditch.

Why does a n.o.bleman's t.i.tle sometimes become extinct? Because, though the king can make a man appear (a peer), he can't make him apparent (a parent).

What gives a cold, cures a cold, and pays the doctor? A draft.

What is the worst kind of fare for a man to live on? Warfare.

Of what color are the winds and waves in a storm? The winds blew (blue) and the waters rose.

How does a ray of light get through a prism? It hews (hues) its way.

What would a bear want if he should get into a dry-goods store?

Muslin (muzzling).

When does English b.u.t.ter become Irish b.u.t.ter? When it is made into little _Pats_.

Which is the most ancient of trees? The elder tree.

Which are the most seasonable clothes? Pepper and salt.

Why are lawyers and doctors safe people by whom to take example?

Because they practice their professions.

Why is a fiddle like a man who gives money to make up a quarrel?

Because it is for a-tone-ment.

Why is a good pun like a good cat? Because it requires pause (paws).

Why is a Jew's harp like a good dinner? Because it makes a man's mouth water.

Why is there a bad audience at the playhouse when the pit is full?

Because it is a pitiful house.

Why is a fortified town like a pudding? Because it's often batter'd.

Why does a tallow chandler live better than another man? Because he lives on the fat of the land.

Why is a water lily like a whale? Because it comes to the surface to blow.

Why is a resolution like a looking gla.s.s? Because it is so easily broken.

Why can you never tell real hysterics from sham ones? Because in either case it is a feint (faint).

When may ladies who are enjoying themselves be said to look wretched?

When at the opera, as then they are in tiers.

When is a bonnet not a bonnet? When it becomes a pretty woman.

Why is a vine like a soldier? Because it is 'listed, trained, has tendrils, and then shoots.

Why is a miserly uncle with whom you have quarreled like a person with a short memory? Because he is ever for-getting, and never for-giving.

Why are worn-out clothes like children without parents? Because they are left off'uns (orphans).

What is the difference between a milkmaid and a swallow? One skims the milk, the other the water.

Why is a very demure young lady like a tugboat? Because she pays no attention to the swells that follow her.

What smells most in a chemist's shop? The nose.

Who is your greatest friend? Your nose, because it will run for you till it drops.

Which travels faster, heat or cold? Heat, because you can easily catch cold.

What did the m.u.f.fin say to the toasting fork? You're too pointed.

I am forever, yet was never. Eternity.

Which eat more gra.s.s, black sheep or white? White, because there are more of them.

Why is a very amusing man like a very bad shot? Because he keeps the game alive.