The Handbook of Conundrums Part 31

Plant the setting sun, and what will come up? The morning glory.

Why is a dog with a lame leg like a boy ciphering? He puts down three and carries one.

Why are eyes like stage-horses? They are always under the lash.

What is the brightest idea of the day? Your eye, dear.

Why are ladies bathing like a Yankee drink? They are 'la.s.ses in water.

Of what color is gra.s.s under snow? Invisible green.

What is the hardest conundrum? Life, because we all have to give it up.

What is that which is often given you, which you never have, yet which you often give up? A conundrum.

What kin is that child to his own father who is not his own father's son? His daughter.

If d.i.c.k's father is Tom's son, what relation is d.i.c.k to Tom? Tom is his grandfather.

When does a man sneeze three times? When he cannot help it.

Why does a piebald pony never pay toll? Because his master pays it for him.

When may a man be said to have four hands? When he doubles his fists.

What goes over the water and under the water, but never touches the water? A woman crossing a bridge with a pail of water on her head.

How many peas in a pint? One.

When is a soldier like a watch? When he is on guard.

How is a poultry dealer compelled to earn his living? By fowl means.

Why is a butcher's cart like his top boots? Because he carries his calves there.

Why does a cat rest better in summer? Because summer brings a cat-a-pillow (caterpillar).

What is it that every man overlooks? His nose.

Why should potatoes grow better than any other vegetable? Because they have eyes to see what they are doing.

What were the last words of the bugler who was gored by the bull?

"Blow the horns!"

Why are lawyers like shears? Because they do not cut each other, but only what comes between them.

What have feet and walk not? Stoves.

What have eyes and see not? Potatoes.

What have noses but smell not? Teapots.

What have hands but work not? Clocks.

What have mouths but eat not? Rivers.

What have ears but hear not? Cornstalks.

What have tongues but talk not? Wagons.

Why do we all go to bed? Because the bed will not come to us.

What is higher and handsomer when the head is off? A pillow.

What is the best thing to make in a hurry? Haste.

Why do dentists make good politicians? Because they have a great pull.

If a tailor and a goose are on the top of a monument, what is the quickest way for the tailor to get down? Pluck the goose.

If I walk into a room full of people and place a new penny upon the table in full view of the company, what does the coin do? It looks round.

Why is a mouse like hay? Because the cat'll eat it (cattle).

Why is a madman equal to two men? Because he is one beside himself.

Which member of Congress wears the largest hat? The one who has the largest head.

When does a pig become landed property? When he is turned into a meadow.

What is the difference between a cow and a rickety chair? One gives milk and the other gives whey (way).

What flower most resembles a bull's mouth? The cowslip.

When is a lady deformed? When mending stockings; because she then has her hands where her feet ought to be.

Why is the proprietor of a balloon like a phantom? Because he's an airy-nought (aeronaut).

Why do little birds in their nests agree? For fear of falling out.

Why is the flight of an eagle a most unpleasant sight to witness?

Because it's an eye-sore ('igh soar).

What impermeable fabric is a sparrow like? Gutter percher (gutta percha).

Which of the feathered tribe can lift the heaviest weights? The crane.

Why does the rope dancer invariably have to repeat his performances?