The New Pun Book Part 24

"Sweet Dreamland Faces Pa.s.sing to and fro, Change here for Limerick, Galway and Mayo."

"A butcher knows how to make both ends meet."

"Yes, if you give him the proper steer."

"That man has had five wives."

"Tandem or simultaneously?"

"I don't understand."

"Is he a Mormon or a Chicago man?"

HE--How does it happen that none of you women have come forward with a new currency plan?

SHE--Oh, we already have a perfect one. When we need currency we just sit down and cry for it.

A boil in the pot is worth two on the neck.

Letters from, a soldier of fortune--I.O.U.

"I'm very much surprised," quoth Harry, "That Jane a gambler should marry."

"I'm not at all," her sister says, "You know he has such _winning ways_!"

Whether tall men, or short men are best, Or bold men, or modest and shy men, I can't say, but this I protest, All the fair are in favor of _Hy-men_.

An Irishman wandering up Fifth avenue saw in the window of a photographer's shop a large photograph of Mephisto. He went inside, and after gazing about the walls, said to the proprietor:

"I want to have a pichtur taken av meself an' me bruther. How much?"

The proprietor named the figure.

"All right," said Pat. "Will you take it now?"

"Where is your brother?" asked the photographer. "He's in Ireland," was the reply.

"Well my man," said the photographer, "we can't take his picture unless he is here."

"That's funny," said Pat. "Ye took a pichtur of the divil, an'

he's down below."

"Did you shoot anything, Henrick?"

"Yes, a duck."

"What! a wild one?"

"No, but the farmer was wild."

HE--"The fact is, you women make fools of the men."

SHE--"Sometimes, perhaps; but sometimes we don't have to."

"What was the subject of your debate this evening?"

"Whisky."

"Was it well discussed?"

"Yes, most of the members were full of the subject."

THE DOCTOR--"You regard society as merely a machine, do you? What part of the machinery do you consider me, for instance?"