The New Pun Book Part 28

"Yes, that is what I remarked."

"That's queer," said the clerk, "you're the fourth man to-day who thought I owned this hotel."

"I know a man who says he can't sit down and he can't stand up."

"Well, if he tells the truth, he lies."

Mirrors reflect without speaking and women often speak without reflecting.

A mechanic his labor will often discard, If the rate of his pay he dislikes: But a clock-and its case is uncommonly hard-- Will continue to work though it _strikes_!

"I don't think my religion will be any obstacle to your church,"

he urged; "I am a spiritualist."

"I am afraid it will," she replied "Pa is a prohibitionist, you know."

"One day in the dining-car, the boy across the aisle got to laughing so, he couldn't stop. I said to his mother, 'that boy needs a spanking.' She said, 'well, I don't believe in spanking a boy on a full stomach.' I said, 'neither do I. Turn him over-'"

The tramp should never complain of hunger when he can always enjoy a little loaf.

"My face is my fortune, sir," she said, But her suitor saw right through her; She meant she could not cash a check, Unless the banker knew her.

"I understand that Judge Brown is breaking up housekeeping."

"That can't be. He's very busy these days deciding divorce cases."

"Well, isn't that what I said?"

"That was a pretty good dog story, wasn't it?" asked Dinwiddie, as he finished telling one.

"Yes," replied Gaswell; "but it was too long. It ought to have been curtailed."

Casey bet on a horse which finished last. He went down to the paddock, called out the jockey who had ridden him and said: "In hivin's name, young man, phwat delayed you?"

"And you really think that a miss is as good as a mile?"

"Yaas, and a good deal better, for one can kiss a miss, when one couldn't kiss a mile, don'cher know?"

FRIEND--Do you permit your wife to have her own way?

HUSBAND (positively)--No, sir. She has it without my permission.

"I'm not surprised that hair-dressers feel so much at ease in the society of the great."

"You're not?"

"No; they are surrounded at home by any number of big-wigs."

She--They say the eyes are the windows of the soul, I believe.

He--Yes; and when a man goes into a drug store and shuts a window quickly, the clerk knows just about what the poor soul wants.

BOY (with new gun)--"Pa, has a cat got nine lives?"