The New Pun Book Part 39

G.A.R.--Yes, but is was a more common sight to see a sentry box.

A simple old farmer, McVeagh, Whom every one said was a jeagh, Fell in with a man On the confidence plan, And now he is back making heagh.

"Why, the bare idea!"

"Of what, dear?"

"Telling the naked truth!"

BESS--May wears the worst clothes when she is riding horseback.

Look at her now!

FRED--That certainly is one of her bad habits.

"That," said the loaf, pointing to the oven, "is where I was bred."

FIRST FLY--Did it ever occur to you the baldheaded men have a keener sense of humor than others?

SECOND FLY--Well, I have noticed that they seem to be easily tickled.

The rubber plant was rubb'ring round In a manner most absurd: The long green corn p.r.i.c.kled up her ears And this is what she heard:

"Wot's tomato wid you, you beat?"

Asked the onion of the hash, "I'm jealous of the potato, Because he's got a mash.

"He is stuck on the honeycomb, And suits her to a tea, I used to be in love myself, But the cream has soured on me."

"Why do you call your dog hardware?"

"Because when I go to whip him he makes a bolt for the door."

HUSBAND--That ice box of ours reminds me of a good pinochle player.

WIFE--Why?

HUSBAND--Because it is a great melter.

HE: Do you know, dear, you remind me of Huyler's candy.

SHE: Why? Because I am "so sweet?"

HE: No! "Fresh every hour."

LANDLADY (proudly)--Nothing goes to waste in this house. I make hash out of everything that's left over.

BOARDER--(musingly)--But what do you do with the hash that's left over?

LANDLADY--Re-hash it!

"If," said the druggist, "you will give this new tonic a trial I'm sure you will never use any other."

"Excuse me," rejoined the customer, "but I prefer something less fatal."

"Do you know, George, Papa thinks you are a literary man."

"Where did he get that idea?"

"I don't know, but he said you looked just like a bookmaker."

STUDENT--Professor, which is the logical way of reaching a conclusion?