Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas Part 16

[_Chorus._

_Third Verse._

_Wm._ He's always cribbing coppers--which he spends on lollipops.

_Thos._ (A share of which _you_'ve never yet refused!)

_Wm._ A stone he'll shy at frogs and toads, and anything that hops!

_Thos._ (While you look on, and seem to be amused!)

[_Chorus._

_Fourth Verse._

_Wm._ As soon as school is over, Thomas goes a hunting squirr'ls, Or b.u.t.terflies he'll capture in his hat!

_Thos._ _You_ play at Kissing in the Ring with all the little girls!

_Wm._ (_demurely_). Well, Thomas, I can see no harm in _that_!

[_Chorus._

_Fifth Verse._

_Wm._ Ah, Thomas, if you don't reform, you'll come to some bad end!

_Thos._ Oh, William, put your head inside a bag!

_Wm._ No, Thomas, that I cannot--till you promise to amend!

_Thos._ Why, William, what a chap you are to nag!

[_Chorus and dance._ THOMAS _returns to road, and regards the apple-trees longingly over top of wall._

_Thos._ Hi, William, look ... what apples! there--don't _you_ see?

And pears--my eye! just _ain't_ they looking juicy!

_Wm._ Nay, Thomas, since you're bent upon a sin, _I_ will walk on, and visit Benjamin!

[_Exit_ WILLIAM (L. 2 E.), _while THOMAS proceeds to scale the wall and climb the boughs of the nearest pear-tree.

Melodramatic Music._ The Monster Man-trap _stealthily emerges from long gra.s.s below, and fixes a baleful eye on the unconscious_ THOMAS.

_Thos._ I'll fill my pockets, and on pears I'll feast!

[_Sees_ Man-trap, _and staggers._

Oh, lor--whatever is that hugly beast!

Hi, help, here! call him off!...

_The Monster._ 'Tis vain to holler-- My horders are--all trespa.s.sers to swoller!

You just come down--I'm waiting 'ere to ketch you.

(_Indignantly._) You _don't_ expect I'm coming up to fetch you!

_Thos._ (_politely._) Oh, not if it would inconvenience _you_, Sir!

(_In agonised aside._) I feel my grip grow every moment looser!

[_The_ Monster, _in a slow, uncouth manner, proceeds to scramble up the tree._

Oh, here's a go! The horrid thing can _climb_!

Too late I do repent me of my crime!

[_Terrific sensation chase!_ The Monster Man-trap _leaps from bough to bough with horrible agility, and eventually secures his prey, and leaps with it to the ground._

_Thos._ (_in the_ Monster's _jaws_). I'm sure you seem a kind, good-natured creature-- You will not harm me?

_Monster._ No--I'll only eat yer!

[THOMAS _slowly vanishes down its cavernous jaws; faint yells are heard at intervals--then nothing but a dull champing sound; after which, dead silence. The_ Monster _smiles, with an air of repletion._

_Re-enter_ WILLIAM, _from_ R., _with_ BENJAMIN.

_Benjamin._ I'm very glad you came--but where is Thomas?

_Wm._ (_severely_). Tom is a wicked boy, and better from us, For on the road he stopped to scale a wall!...

[_Sees_ Man-trap, _and starts._

What's _that_?

_Benj._ It will not hurt _good_ boys at all-- It's only Father's Man-trap--why so pale?

_Wm._ The self-same tree! ... the wall that Tom _would_ scale!

Where's Thomas _now_? Ah, Tom, the wilful pride of you.

[_The_ Man-trap _affects an elaborate unconsciousness._

[Ill.u.s.tration: Up a Tree!]

_Benj._ (_with sudden enlightenment_). Man-trap, I do believe poor Tom's inside of you!

That sort of smile's exceedingly suspicious.

[_The_ Man-trap _endeavours to hide in the gra.s.s._

_Wm._ Ah, Monster, give him back--'tis true he's vicious, And had no business to go making free with you!

But think, so bad a boy will disagree with you!

[WILLIAM _and_ BENJAMIN _kneel in att.i.tudes of entreaty on either side of the_ Man-trap, _which shows signs of increasing emotion as the song proceeds._