Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas Part 19

I shall not bear a boot for many days!

Thus ends our wedding morn, and she, poor child, Has paid the penalty of heedlessness!

[_Curtain falls, whereupon, unless Mr. Punch is greatly mistaken, there will not be a dry eye in the house._

V.--BRUNETTE AND BLANCHIDINE.

_A MELODRAMATIC DIDACTIC VAUDEVILLE._

_Suggested by "The Wooden Doll and the Wax Doll," by the Misses Jane and Ann Taylor._

DRAMATIS PERSONae.

_Blanchidine,_ } By the celebrated Sisters STILTON, the Champion _Brunette._ } Duettists and Clog-Dancers.

_f.a.n.n.y Furbelow._ By Miss SYLVIA SEALSKIN (_by kind permission of the Gaiety Management_).

_Frank Manly._ By Mr. HENRY NEVILLE.

SCENE--_A sunny Glade in Kensington Gardens, between the Serpentine and Round Pond._

_Enter_ BLANCHIDINE _and_ BRUNETTE, _with their arms thrown affectionately around one another._ BLANCHIDINE _is carrying a large and expressionless wooden doll._

_Duet and Step-dance._

_Bl._ Oh, I do adore BRUNETTE! (_Dances._) Tippity-tappity, tappity-tippity, tippity-tappity, tip-tap!

_Br._ BLANCHIDINE'S the sweetest pet! (_Dances._) Tippity-tappity, &c.

_Together._ When the sun is high, We come out to ply, n.o.body is nigh, All is mirth and j'y!

With a pairosol, We'll protect our doll, Make a mossy bed For her wooden head!

[_Combination step-dance during which both watch their feet with an air of detached and slightly amused interest, as if they belonged to some other persons._

Clickity-clack, clickity-clack, clickity, clickity, clickity-clack; clackity-clickity, clickity-clackity, clackity-clickity-_clack_!

[_Repeat ad. lib._

_Bl._ (_apologetically to Audience_). Her taste in dress is rather plain!

(_Dances._) Tippity-tappity, &c.

_Br._ (_in pitying aside_). It _is_ a pity she's so vain!

(_Dances._) Tippity-tappity, &c.

_Bl._ 'Tis a s.h.i.+me to smoile, But she's shocking stoyle, It is quite a troyal, Still--she mikes a foil!

_Br._ Often I've a job To suppress a sob, She is such a sn.o.b, When she meets a n.o.b!

[_Step-dance as before._

[N.B.--_In consideration of the well-known difficulty that most popular Variety-Artists experience in the metrical delivery of decasyllabic couplets, the lines which follow have been written as they will most probably be spoken._

_Bl._ (_looking off with alarm_). Why, here comes f.a.n.n.y Furbelow, a new frock from Paris in!

She'll find me with Brunette--it's _too_ embarra.s.sing!

[_Aside._

(_To Brunette._) Brunette, my love, I know _such_ a pretty game we'll play at-- Poor Timburina's ill, and the seaside she ought to stay at.

(The Serpentine's the seaside, let's pretend.) And _you_ shall take her there--(_hypocritically_)--you're such a friend!

_Br._ (_with simplicity_). Oh, yes, that _will_ be splendid, Blanchidine, And then we can go and have a dip in a bathing-machine!

[BLAN. _resigns the wooden doll to_ BRUN., _who skips off with it_, L., _as_ f.a.n.n.y FURBELOW _enters_ R., _carrying a magnificent wax doll_.

_f.a.n.n.y_ (_languidly_). Ah, howdy do--_isn't_ this heat too frightful? And so you're quite alone?

_Bl._ (_nervously._) Oh, _quite_--oh yes, I always am alone, when there's n.o.body with me.

[_This is a little specimen of the Lady's humorous "gag," at which she is justly considered a proficient._

_f.a.n.n.y_ (_drawling_). Delightful!

When I was wondering, only a little while ago, If I should meet a creature that I know; Allow me--my new doll, the Lady Minnie!

[_Introducing doll._

_Bl._ (_rapturously_). Oh, what a perfect love!

_f.a.n.n.y._ She ought to be--for a guinea!

Here, you may nurse her for a little while.

Be careful, for her frock's the latest style.

[_Gives_ BLAN. _the wax doll_.

She's the best wax, and has three changes of clothing-- For those cheap wooden dolls I've quite a loathing.

_Bl._ (_hastily_). Oh, so have _I_--they're not to be endured!

_Re-enter_ BRUNETTE _with the wooden doll, which she tries to press upon_ BLANCHIDINE, _much to the latter's confusion_.

_Br._ I've brought poor Timburina back, completely cured!

Why, aren't you pleased? Your face is looking _so_ cloudy!

_F._ (_haughtily_). Is she a friend of _yours_--this little dowdy? [_Slow music._

_Bl._ (_after an internal struggle_). Oh, no, what an idea!