Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas Part 30

_Tommy._ No, _that_ I'm not, so _there_ now!

_Jane._ But you _are_!

_Tommy._ And so are _you_!

[_Melancholy music; to which_ TOMMY _and_ _Jane_, _after a few convulsive movements, gradually become inanimate. Enter old_ Farmer COPEER _from gate, carrying a large bottle labelled "Cattle Medicine."_

_Farmer C._ It's time I gave the old bay mare her drench.

[_Stumbles over the children._

What's here? A lifeless lad!--and little wench!

Been eating berries--where did they get _them_ idees?

For cows, when took so, I've the reg'lar remedies.

I'll try 'em here--and if their state the worse is, Why, they shall have them b.a.l.l.s I give my 'erses!

[_Carries the bodies off just before the_ W. U. _re-enters_.

_W. U._ The children--gone? yon bush of berries less full!

Hooray, my little stratagem's successful!

[_Dances a triumphant pas seul. Re-enter Farmer C._

_Farmer C._ Been looking for your little niece and nephew?

_The W. U._ Yes, searching for them everywhere--

_Farmer C._ (_ironically_). Oh, _hev'_ you?

Then let me tell you, from all pain they're free, Sir.

_The W. U._ (_falling on his knees_). _I_ didn't poison them--it wasn't _me_, Sir!

_Farmer C._ I thought as much--a constable I'll run for.

[_Exit._

_The W. U._ My wretched nerves again! _This_ time I'm done for!

Well, though I'm trapped, and useless all disguise is, My case shall ne'er come on at the a.s.sizes!

[_Rushes desperately to tree and crams himself with the remaining berries, which produce an almost instantaneous effect. Re-enter_ TOM _and_ JANE _from gate, looking pale and limp. Terror of the_ Wicked Uncle _as he turns and recognises them_.

_The W. U._ (_with tremulous politeness_). The shades of Jane and Tommy, I presume?

[_Re-enter Farmer C._

_Jane and Tommy_ (_pointing to Farmer C._) His Cattle Mixtures s.n.a.t.c.hed us from the tomb!

_The W. U._ (_with a flicker of hope_). Why, then the self-same drugs will ease _my_ torments!

_Farmer C._ (_chuckling_). Too late! they've drunk the lot, the little vormints!

_The W. U._ (_bitterly_). So out of life I must inglorious wriggle, Pursued by Tommy's grin, and Jenny's giggle!

[_Dies in great agony, while_ TOMMY, JANE, _and_ Farmer COPEER _look on with mixed emotions as the Curtain falls_.

XI.--THE RIVAL DOLLS.

"Miss Jenny and Polly had each a new dolly."--_Vide Poem._

CHARACTERS.

_Miss Jenny_ } By the Sisters LEAMAR.

_Miss Polly_ }

_The Soldier Doll_ } By the Two ARMSTRONGS.

_The Sailor Doll_ }

SCENE--_A Nursery. Enter_ Miss JENNY _and_ Miss POLLY, _who perform a blameless step-dance with an improving chorus_.

Oh, isn't it jolly! we've each a new dolly, And one is a Soldier, the other's a Tar; We're fully contented with what's been presented, Such good little children we both of us are!

[_They dance up to a cupboard, from which they bring out two large Dolls, which they place on chairs._

_Miss J._ _Don't_ they look nice! Come, Polly, let us strive To make ourselves believe that they're alive!

_Miss P._ (_addressing_ Sailor D.). I'm glad you're mine. I dote on all that's nautical.

_The Sailor D._ (_opening his eyes suddenly_). Excuse me, Miss, your sister's more _my_ sort o' gal.

[_Kisses his hand to_ Miss J., _who shrinks back, shocked and alarmed_.

_Miss J._ Oh, Polly, _did_ you hear? I feel so shy!

_The Sailor D._ (_with mild self-a.s.sertion_). _I_ can say "Pa" and "Ma"--and wink my eye.

[_Does so at_ Miss P., _who runs in terror to_ Miss J.'s _side_.

_Miss J._ Why, both are showing signs of animation.

_Miss P._ Who'd think we had such strong imagination!

_The Soldier Doll_ (_aside to the Sailor D._). I say, old fellow, we have caught their fancy-- In each of us they now a real man see!

Let's keep it up!