The Young Maiden Part 6

There is much ignorance, I am aware, among this s.e.x, in reference to the conditions of health. Yet more are they who sin in this respect against light, than in the absence of it. Is it not known that the exposure of the feet to wet and cold, in shoes genteelly thin, may induce disease?

Can it be, that the mult.i.tudes, who compress the lungs and chest into half the s.p.a.ce designed for them by nature, and thus occasion diseases of the spine, if not even consumption, sin all in ignorance? A slender waist was not regarded in ancient Greece as an attribute of female beauty; in Paris it is now usually deemed a deformity. When will this perverse taste in America be corrected? Let gentlemen cease to praise such distortions of the frame, and let ladies exhibit the intelligence and regard to the laws of G.o.d, which will second and secure a reform.

Who does not know that the Chinese barbarity of a pinched foot is contrary both to health and true taste? Why should we refuse instruction from the ancient models of beauty, on these points, more than on others?

Is it not known that to pursue the dance in winter through the chills of midnight, and return to one's home, as the day dawns, in summer apparel, is treading that path which has led thousands to consumption? Yes, too often are these guilty practices indulged in merely from the bondage of fas.h.i.+on. Not only are parental voices unheeded, but personal convictions are silenced, rather than violate its Draco-like laws.

There may be men who encourage woman in the culture of a false delicacy in reference to her health. There must be somewhere a power, before which these unhappy beings do homage. Else had we never witnessed that affected fastidiousness of appet.i.te, and that affected sickliness, so fas.h.i.+onable in some circles. Let this s.e.x, however, for the sake of self, and of posterity, of man and of G.o.d, rise above that wretched servitude, which calls for the sacrifice of sound const.i.tutions, and sometimes even life itself, rather than permit the "tender and delicate woman to set the sole of her foot on the ground." Let physical vigor, attended by mental excellence and moral soundness, become a part of her n.o.ble adorning. No more may childhood and youth be the only seasons, in which public opinion shall tolerate those generous exercises in the free air, by which buoyancy and vigor may be prolonged even to old age.

Fas.h.i.+on, if allowed its entire sway, leads woman into many modes of Affectation. Rosseau affirms that "artifice is a talent natural to woman. Let," he says, "little girls be in this respect compared with boys of the same age; and if these appear not dull, blundering, stupid, in comparison, I shall be incontestibly wrong." Does this, if it be true, explain in any measure the strange fact that the servants of fas.h.i.+on must never be known as industrious, still less laborious in any useful avocation? that they must be always at leisure for the morning call and the evening _levee_? Nothing, in some circles, would prove so fatal to a lady's reputation for gentility, as the character of a working woman. The more idle and dependant on others, the greater the renown.

And then, too, to be in high repute, one must feign an ignorance of every kind of employment. To be a good housewife, to understand every domestic duty, is degrading in the extreme. It is thought a proof of vulgarity to be acquainted with ordinary things. Pride is taken in egregious mistakes as to certain persons, places, and pursuits. To show a knowledge of what is done beyond her own caste would be to forfeit her rank, and would expel her from the highest circles in society.

How many in the fas.h.i.+onable world conduct as though an excessive refinement of feeling were the chief praise of their s.e.x. They cannot witness any spectacle of suffering and pain; it shocks their nerves to be present with the sick. O how fallen is she from the high station, for which G.o.d created her, who thus shrinks from scenes where the beauty and glory of her nature may be so n.o.bly displayed! Can it be that an affected sensibility shall shut one of this s.e.x from the chamber of sickness? Lives there the man, who commends this wretched sentimentalism? If there be one such in this land, we devoutly hope that our soil may soon cease to be polluted by his steps. Let him take refuge among the n.o.bility of man's fabrication; for G.o.d hath denied him a place among his.

There is but one species of affectation, to be more severely reprehended, in this connection, than that now considered; it is the opposite of this, a feigned Insensibility. I once heard a lady, who was about parting from a circle of most valuable friends, parting too from her own native spot, on being asked if she did not feel deep regret at the thought of leaving those scenes, reply, "What good would it do to cry about it?" The expression might manifest the philosophy of a Stoic, but a Christian philosophy, I am sure it did not. And a more unfeminine spirit than it discovered, I have never known in one of her s.e.x. If it be weak in woman to exhibit great sensibility, it argues no moral strength, to guard against this by affecting to be a stock, or a stone.

"The haughty woman who can stand alone, and requires no leaning-place in our heart, loses the spell of her s.e.x."

Another form of the disposition in question, to be avoided by her who is entering society, is Conversation for the sake of Effect. It is feared by some that the simple truth, simply expressed, will fail to attract and impress. Hence come departures into the boundless field of imagination. Ridicule is employed to color, and give zest to, the truth. Or Mirth suggests the addition of some new fact to a story, that the laugh may be universal and loud. Exaggeration is employed. The plain food of truth must be seasoned by here throwing in a circ.u.mstance, and there suppressing one. An emphatic tone, a nod, or a gesture, intimate far more than the lips dare express. A favorite phrase is continually recurring, or a set of superlatives, shewing that nothing common occurs in the sphere of this individual. Perhaps Irony is indulged, to such unreasonable extent, that a stranger to our young lady's habits of conversation, would be totally at a loss to judge when she was in earnest, and when trifling with the truth.

Now all this "colloquial romancing," as one styled it, is a violation of duty to G.o.d and our fellow creatures. It is a deviation from the truth of G.o.d; it is unjust to those, of whom, and to whom, it is daily addressed. She, who is soon to be exposed to this moral contagion, should be kindly forewarned of its approach. Honor, affection, and her personal good, through the range of her whole being, forbid her to yield to the temptation.

In the world, a young woman is in danger of a love of Fame, as concerns her Personal appearance, her style of Living, and especially the Entertainments given, on her account, by her parents. It is right that we love the approbation of the virtuous; nor may we violate good taste for the sake of defying popular opinion. But she, who allows her desire of human esteem to supplant the higher sentiments and principles of our nature, clearly does wrong. And are there not those, who pine in secret, because they receive less notice than their ambition craves? It is nothing to such that hundreds are won, so long as a single heart refuses them homage. What condition more truly deplorable than this insatiable thirst for applause? We are told that Elizabeth of England, "who referred everything to self, was even jealous of the beauty and the dress of her maids of honor. When advanced in years, the sight of her face in a mirror would throw her into transports of rage, and so exasperated did she become, as finally to lay her mirror wholly aside."

You shall see this same spirit manifested in an excessive care for showy furniture, in the encouragement of artificial and numberless wants, and in a willingness to live on resources dishonestly obtained, and on means belonging rightfully to another, sooner than relinquish one particle of former splendors. In ambitious entertainments, how often is woman tempted to lift herself above those, whom it should delight her to meet in society as her equals. If they can afford only plain walls, hers must be garnished. Her chamber must exhibit tapestry, and her windows the silken and fringed curtain, or she will not surpa.s.s them. Her table must groan beneath the productions of all climates. Already it is said, we in America expend in our dwellings, on a slender income, more than many in Europe, who have millions at their command.

Now let the young woman be made acquainted with these facts. Although a fond father or mother would fain make her presentation eclipse the displays of her richest neighbors, let modesty dissuade her from this course. She may save a parent from bankruptcy. He, who is a true friend, will a.s.sure her that life is not that rose-colored thing, which some of her companions describe to her. Let her know that a vortex is before her, and ere her feet are within its feeblest eddies, let her prudently escape the peril. A quiet life, inward adorning, should be the jewel worn nearest her heart. If she cherish a thirst for outward exhibitions, too late may it be her doom to feel that the suns.h.i.+ne of the world's favor and applause, has but beamed upon her, to make more fearfully distinct the caverns and wastes of her ever unsatisfied heart.

The young woman is pa.s.sing into a state of society in which she will find much merely nominal Morality. At home she has probably been nurtured amid sincere hearts, and under the high standard of Christian action. In the world she will hear indeed the same standard, for the most part, verbally commended. But let her not antic.i.p.ate the same practical conformity to its requirements. She will still be told that purity of mind, soul, and manners, is the s.h.i.+eld of her s.e.x, and yet, in some circles, practices shall be tolerated, or fas.h.i.+ons of dress, or conversation permitted, which to her all-unsophisticated reason must seem absolutely indefensible. History tells us, that in the thirteenth century, when the plague raged in Florence, it spread through the suburbs of that city, from the exhalations of certain beautiful flowers.

See, my young friends, that the lovely a.s.sociates of your life, even by their most interesting traits, do not betray you into, first slight, then graver, and at length into serious, departures from rect.i.tude and purity.

As a check against the corrupting influences of popular opinion and practices, woman should cultivate two virtues, Moral Independence, and perfect Ingenuousness. If she determine to cleave sacredly to her homebred convictions of right, let the world commend or condemn her, she will maintain the royalty of her s.e.x. Her path will be broad, free, upward, and ever toward G.o.d and felicity. But let her succ.u.mb to society, and bow to every mandate of fas.h.i.+on, and she shall become a mental and moral slave.

Equally would I incite you to the retention of your youthful Frankness, and Simplicity. When a child, you expressed precisely what you felt. Let not womanhood rob you of this angelic trait. Shun art; abhor affectation. Set to your seal, that, if detected in this habit, you will lose the confidence and the respect of all n.o.ble minds. Know that if you are always ingenuous, you will secure self-respect, and a conscious integrity of heart. Let clouds lower, let the storms of deceit menace the circle you grace, on you will all eyes fix,--and none more benignantly than the All-seeing one above;--and in you will all behold the blue ether of Heaven.

If the general dangers which beset a young woman, on her entrance into society be great, those which have reference to her own s.e.x require of her a peculiar watchfulness. Let philosophy explain, as it may, the cause, nothing is more certain than that the feelings, and deportment, and speech, that occur between her and her sister females, are a source of constant temptation. Man has charity for the faults of woman; and she has much for the errors of his s.e.x; but for those of her own s.e.x how contracted is her mercy. Never are her Christian principles so tried, as when the character of another is in any wise impeached. Curiosity, opening paths filled with snares, often leads her to venture, where angels dare not tread. Let her mark well its perils, and beware how she intermeddle, with tongue or thought, in the secrets of her neighbor.

A root of iniquity in this world is Envy. In the lower grades of society what pining and misery might be traced to this baleful pa.s.sion. Why are the actions of a rich rival, or one endowed with personal charms, or gifts in conversation, and the object of attraction in society, so often disparaged, and ascribed to any but pure motives? Whence is it, that a woman of talent and literary claims shall be thought by so many of her s.e.x tinged with "blue?" Why the secret endeavor to awaken ill-will toward the distinguished, and the reluctance to join in the defence of such, when unjustly accused? Too readily are the faults of a compeer rehea.r.s.ed, and too slowly are her virtues acknowledged. Should the modesty of some one be commended, may it not be because her diffidence gives us room to pa.s.s before her in the public eye?

During the middle ages, the young and the beautiful were sometimes burned at the stake, on the charge of having dealt in magic. If the body be not thus sacrificed, in this latter age, truth knows that the peace and happiness of many an innocent young woman are devoured by insatiate envy. Imitate, my young friends, the sweet temper of those ladies in Switzerland, who are reported to be so firmly knit together in the Infant Societies peculiar to that country, as often to meet, after separation, in the meridian of life, with the affection of sisters. A love like this would scorch and destroy each germ of envy, while it gave life, vigor, and permanence, to a gospel charity.

Akin to envy is the pa.s.sion of Jealousy. The conscious possession of eminent attainments exposes one to this sin. Let it not be palliated, as if consistent with humility. It is the child of a morbid selfishness. It is pride, which makes us jealous of inferiors; never does humility.

Observe the manners of her who is infected with this spirit. Does that lofty carriage, do those averted eyes, and that sullen lip, speak of self-abas.e.m.e.nt? Woman, dwelling in and for her affections, is p.r.o.ne insensibly to indulge the risings of jealousy. A female writer says, "Our s.e.x are apt to be more aristocratic than men." The aristocracy of claiming attention, friends.h.i.+p, promptly and unremittingly manifested, the aristocracy, in a word, of the heart, who can doubt that this s.e.x often does cherish. Counsel, therefore, calls them to be vigilant, lest they offend in this respect, even unawares. Is a young maiden in prosperous circ.u.mstances? Let her know that the growing fortunes of another will excite her to temptation and prejudice. Even now the branches of the oak, that will tower and shade her whole being, might be detected in the acorn. Has G.o.d endowed her with personal charms?

Prudence would apprise her, that "if the body be a paradise, it needs a cherub to guard the spirit within it."

Especially, in this connection, would I warn my female friends against the vice of Detraction. There are those, who find pleasure in repeating what they hear of the sins of a neighbor. If a misfortune befall another, it is made food for calumny. Her adversity is made the occasion of intruding on her most private concerns, and exposing them to the world. Compa.s.sion is expressed, and yet in a tone that betrays a secret exultation. Faults are descried and magnified; no sympathy is felt for the sufferer, but a vulgar curiosity bruits the ill-natured rumor, and many hearts must hence bleed in their unseen solitude.

How easily may a few words, spoken concerning an enemy, or a rival, kindle a village into flames. Recklessness may prompt speeches, full of mistatements, wounding the fame of another, which a life may be insufficient entirely to correct. The young woman must set herself resolutely in opposition to this practice. If she once form the habit of selecting the errors of others of her s.e.x for her usual topic of discourse, time may make it like the change of the leopard's spots, if she ever thoroughly reform. A light word, a breath, may so scatter the Sybil's leaves, that no human power can again reduce them to order.

A most dangerous weapon, when employed by one of this s.e.x against a sister, is Ridicule. Not only does it rob her who indulges it of the rich joys of admiration, but it poisons the depths of her own spirit, and breaks the peace of her a.s.sociates. Few are they, who have not some foible or personal defect, on which this vice may fix itself. One is an object of taunts for her ignorance; another for a plain face; a third for an impediment in her speech; and how many suffer this infliction for some article of dress proscribed by that mistress called fas.h.i.+on. Too often are we reminded of the fabulous Melusina, to-day, a theme of wonder, for her grace and eloquence, to-morrow, a loathsome reptile, with a tongue full of scorpion stings. How does every attraction we feel toward her, who was framed with powers of speech to obey the highest law of G.o.d, wither, as flax in the flames, when the lips thus breathe desolation around them. The eye of the eagle is there piercing all depths by its intelligence; but the soaring wing of that bird is wanting.

It is the office of woman, her high privilege indeed,

"To heal and pacify distempered spirits."

Can she then sufficiently dread and shun dissensions with her own s.e.x?

Allow that an a.s.sociate has reached that eminence, which you could not attain, be it in learning, affection, or fortune. Will you foster toward her a spirit of animosity? Is there one of this s.e.x alive to the n.o.ble capacities of her nature, that can descend so low, as to seek redress for fancied or real injustice, by girding on the armor of retaliation and resentment? Remember Jesus, and you will bow to the wrongdoer meekly, magnanimously.

Nor should our young friend yield to a disposition to Flatter her favorites, any sooner than one to depreciate a rival. We may praise another simply to gain a return in kind. Or we may do it thoughtlessly, and by impulse. In each of these cases, we not only injure her by inflating her vanity, but wrong our own souls. Nor are all commendations right, which spring from a desire to gratify others. Ill-timed or excessive praise often does serious evil. It is only that which is just, rational, and moderate, that we should bestow on a friend. Avoid flattery; express precisely the approbation you feel, professing no affection you do not possess, and promising no fidelity, that circ.u.mstances may forbid you to manifest, and you will then speak the words due to merit, perfectly free from falsity, and acceptable in the sight of G.o.d.

To speak now of the positive view of our subject, I would name a few virtues and graces, of primary concern in a young woman's intercourse with society.

There should be Gentleness of Manner. In this term we include not simply external appearances, though these are of no trivial importance. If manner impress and accomplish much in the sterner s.e.x, as we all have felt, it is in the other, almost omnipotent. Dr. Bowring informs us that, in his recent travels in the East, he found the Samaritan, Syrian, and all Mussulman, ladies were accustomed to veil themselves in public.

He was asked whether "the English women were so immodest as to walk out with uncovered faces?" Thus highly are gentleness and modesty prized by the heathen. Should they be less so by us? What object more revolting than a coa.r.s.e and rude woman? In such we expect,--and we are seldom disappointed,--to find a rough character, a dest.i.tution of the gentle spirit of goodness and Christ. Will not one of this cla.s.s flame against her dress-maker, if some point of fas.h.i.+on be violated by her? Must we not fear that animal impulse will control her actions? I recommend no courtly airs, no studying of gesture, or look. But I must think that, simplicity, freedom from pretence and affectation, modesty, self-possession, escaping both reserve and boldness, and a perfectly frank, truth-speaking manner, are deserving the culture of every female, who seeks the true adorning, and who would give pleasure, and do good, to others. Octavia was none the less marked by a Roman severity of virtue, because gentleness and grace shone through her bearing. Neither is the Christian woman the more pious, for an utter disregard of the courtesies of life.

But lest some should misinterpret these remarks, I will add that there must be grace at heart. Kind Feelings, or the most accomplished manners are but a splendid hypocrisy.

Avoid discourtesy, but avoid still more a hollow, insincere, merely outward, gracefulness. If the feelings be correct, the manner will usually be so. Corregio painted three furies, represented by as many young women, with beautiful forms and regular features. Looking intently on the hair, you might see a single serpent wreathed in its tresses; and studying the expression of their countenances, you detected in them cunning, malice, and cruelty. Such "beauty" and grace are truly "vain."

No single quality is so essential in society as a willingness to be pleased. "There is one art," says a late writer, "which those whose object it is to charm, would do well to cultivate, the art of being charmed. For it rescues many an hour from listlessness and discontent, by freshening all the springs of life and action, awakening in old age the energy of youth, and persuading the weary and desponding that they have still the power to please, and that even for them the world has happiness in store." Opposed to this stands caprice, a morbid desire of attention, a self-consequence, which would draw all eyes and all thoughts to its own important person. This spirit is full of coldness, jealousy, and every unamiable sentiment. Let the young woman forget herself, and study the feelings of others. She will then notice the modest, encourage the diffident, and strive to call forth concealed talent and virtue. She will scrupulously avoid all allusions, that would give pain to the hearer. His ill-fortune, the trade he pursues, if unpopular, or his low extraction, or the faults of his connections, and his own misdemeanors, will be carefully kept out of view. Thus will the inward man be perpetually overflowing with Christian courtesy.

Good Sense is another requisite of female civility. "The excitable imagination and ardent feelings of woman," says a female writer, "expose her to exaggeration of sentiment." Ignorant and weak women mortify their friends and disgust many others, in society. They talk for the sound's sake, giving flippant utterance to the commonplaces of the day. But did G.o.d endow this s.e.x with speech, to be exercised only on folly and nonsense? No, we have seen too many living examples to the contrary, of women

"alike from careless levity remote, And a behavior schooled by selfish rules, Alike removed from rashness and from fear."

Is not this better than the indulgence in perpetual trifling and tattle?

How long shall it be charged on this s.e.x that they often yield, without an attempt at self-control, to their supposed natural volatility? If man be const.i.tutionally grave, and life be with him all a serious affair, then should woman supply this want by careful self-culture. I would not frown on the innocent gratifications of the tongue; but I would entreat this s.e.x, instead of seeking their pleasure in discussing the concerns of their neighbors, to pause, consider, and resolve that they will set their feet in a new path. Do not reveal the secrets of a family, because accidentally made acquainted with them, or privileged with their intimacy. Disdain, as unworthy your nature and your s.e.x, the practice of prying into the domestic affairs of others. Cultivate a taste for reading, and talk of books and principles, not persons. And never forget that "for every idle word you must give account" hereafter. Be so filled with good sense and knowledge, that of you it may be said, mark

"that fund of truth and sense, Which though her modesty would shroud, Breaks like the sun behind the cloud."

Good Taste is needful in society. There are those, who so appear, as "thoughtless of gracefulness, to be yet grace itself." This is the native endowment of some; but all may approximate toward it. Propriety is a rich ornament of female speech. Modesty is a cardinal point in good taste. But let it be sincere. In the early ages of Rome, the women, in general, wore veils in public. Latterly they were worn by certain of the beautiful, but disreputable of that s.e.x, partially to shade the face, and thus add to their unholy fascinations. Beware of a tincture of this spirit. Let your deportment be always so pure and self-respectful, that "guilt shall seem a thing impossible in you." Consummate the marriage intended, under Providence, between Taste and Virtue.

The last topic I name in this connection is Moral Courage. There is a tyranny of circ.u.mstances which you may sometimes fail of successfully resisting. But never may you desist from the attempt to do this. Strive to maintain, mildly, yet firmly, every particle of the ground of right and duty.

Perhaps no one source of temptation will so try your moral energies, in this respect, as that of amus.e.m.e.nts and recreations. G.o.d intended that you should sometimes rest from toil, and find relaxations to repair your exhausted spirits. Pursued for this purpose, they will ever prove more than innocent; they will be useful, and acceptable before Heaven.

I would not specify particular amus.e.m.e.nts. For, perilous as are theatrical entertainments, and protracted dances, there is, sometimes, greater guilt in the scandal of those who condemn, than in the character of those who pursue, them. But why desire these exciting indulgences?

Why risk health and morals, for the sake of a few hours' pleasure?

Excitement do you seek? Where is there more of this, so far as it is rational and safe, than in leaving your studies for an hour's domestic avocations; for a walk amid the enchanting beauties of nature; or for a cheerful interview with a tried friend? In the very change of employments, there is a fund of recreation. To train a few flowers for the hand of the sick, or prepare a dish of fruit for a neighbor, is a blessed amus.e.m.e.nt. Of such enjoyments you would never be constrained to ask, "May I safely partake in them?" They are sweet at the moment, and hallowed by the ever-fresh joys of memory.

Enter, finally, the world, with the holy purpose of pa.s.sing its fiery ordeal unharmed. Let not fas.h.i.+on enslave and consume your soul. If society would degrade your nature, say to it, "Get thee behind me, Satan." So will it exalt, and purify, and save, instead of overwhelming, you in perdition. Avow before all persons, your attachment to principle, to your Savior, and your G.o.d. Fix your eye, not on this vanis.h.i.+ng scene, but on that land, where lies "the pearl of great price." Submit not for a day to the dominion of an outward adorning. Let the jewels you wear, be fastened on "the hidden man of the heart." Be ornamented with incorruptible robes. Secure, most of all, not the renown of earthly admiration, but that honor, which, when the world and its charms shall be dissolved and melt like the morning vapor, will crown you with laurels that fade not away.

Chapter VI.

LOVE.

Delicacy of the topic. Love, how regarded. As a Mystery. Burns'

lament. As an Illusion. An Impulse. A Weakness. A Disease.