The Young Maiden Part 5

The eldest of a band of sisters is by nature appointed to teach, intellectually and spiritually, those of her circle younger than herself. How can she so well fulfil all righteousness in the domestic sphere, as by cheerfully sharing with her mother this office? Her age and experience qualify her to instruct the mind and train the affections, and tempt forth the virtues, of pliant childhood. Neither sister nor brother can estimate, in this life, all they owe to such a teacher. Eternity will reveal the extent, and complete the reward, of these sacred services.

The young woman may be useful, still farther, to all the Inmates of her father's dwelling. Not one of the number can witness her daily deportment, without receiving from it some impression of her character.

And now what shall this be? Do all testify that she lives unto others, that the n.o.ble spirit of the gospel is inhaled, as the life-breath of her moral being? She has constant opportunities to deny herself for the sake of some member of the household. Does she seek, or does she shun, such opportunities?

It is not the parent alone, who has demands on her kind consideration.

Nor yet is this duty restricted by the fraternal bond. Her remote relations should be sedulously regarded. Let me add that, if her situation be a favored one, her poorer relations should be objects of thought and attention. How ungrateful for her own blessings were she,--and how forgetful, that soon she also may experience the buffetings of fortune,--did she treat such a relation with negligence, or with a haughty, condescending, patronizing, which is often a heart-lacerating, attention.

Why should a visitor be despised because her age, or manners, or dress are not perfectly agreeable? Woman has been celebrated by travellers for her universal hospitality. Let it not be strangers alone, and these the learned and prosperous, who enjoy her smiles. All, who come beneath a father's roof, should be made to feel that the daughters are Christian ladies.

Nor should Domestics fail of receiving a respectful and generous treatment from the young females of the family. They are endowed with the same nature, body and mind, as ourselves. Why then demand of them tasks, which only the mere animal can sustain? We should strive to a.s.sist ourselves, for their sake, no less than our own. Spare them in their sickness. Speak to them always in a tone of gentleness. If an overbearing manner in the head of a family be hard to meet, how must it strike a domestic, when coming from the younger members? Above all, provide something for the mental, moral, and religious, good of the domestic. Can you not lend her a volume, or read aloud to her yourself?

Can you not, occasionally at least, facilitate her attendance at church?

Remember you must meet this being at the common judgment-seat of Christ; and let this thought pervade your whole manner toward her.

Having contemplated a part of the duties growing out of special domestic relations, let us now advert to a few of the prominent moral virtues, for whose culture home is peculiarly congenial.

I begin with what some may regard as hardly to be dignified with the name of duty. But if Health be essential to happiness, and the basis,--as it doubtless is,--of several Christian qualities, who shall deny the sacred t.i.tle of duty, to the care of the physical system?

Whence proceed that morbid sensitiveness, that sickly sentimentalism, and that puny selfishness, which sometimes mark the delicate woman? They spring from ill health; and while no means are employed to remove the root of these moral evils, in vain will the branches of each month or each day of her life be pruned diligently away. If there be no muscular energy the nerves become irritable, and the temper a source of perpetual disquiet, not only to one's self, but to every a.s.sociate in the household.

It is therefore a duty of the young woman, for health's sake, not to allow a kind mother to become her waiting maid, but to exert herself in the performance of domestic, manual services. If she permit the needle to engross those hours, a part of which should be sacredly devoted to physical exercise, then let her know that G.o.d is thereby dishonored; for laws, which he thought worthy to establish, are, by her negligence, daily and directly violated.

Home is a moral school for the acquisition of habits of Industry. It is a singular fact that, while every young man is trained to a regular occupation,--even the sons of the wealthiest are so,--and to have no business or calling is, with this s.e.x, deemed a reproach, young ladies are, in some circles, not only excused in indolence, but regarded as disgraced, if they are industrious and useful. Is this a pure state of society? Are not all who thus judge, and all who thus live, sadly deluded?

G.o.d has wedded industry and happiness, and ordained that they shall never be divorced. Idleness corrodes the mental faculties, and thus causes depression and gloom. It is the disturber of conscience; for nothing makes us so miserable, as the thought that we are wasting our lives, and are drones in society. Blessed are the poor; for they know the sweets of toil. Pitiable are the rich, if their treasures generate a selfish indolence.

Equally true is it that diligence is indissolubly bound to virtue. The mind, when unoccupied by profitable topics, roams on forbidden ground.

Folded arms are accompanied by a distempered imagination. The tongue of the idle often setteth a world on fire; for scandal and gossip vegetate to rankness in the garden of sloth. The degradation, therefore, is not on the side of work. Be not ashamed to labor; for it is Heaven's decree that all should labor. Conceal not your industry. It is honorable, and honored by all good minds. In a republic especially, where the follies of caste should never enter, let woman, if she must glory, glory in being scrupulously devoted to some useful occupation. So living, she will find grace and goodness attend on her steps.

Where is the habit of order better acquired, than amid the routine of a well arranged household? In what school can a girl so well learn lessons of energy and firmness, as in that where she relieves a mother more and more, as her ability increases, of the charge of her family? Neatness is of primary importance. The care of a brother's linen, or even so humble a teacher as the duster, may inculcate this virtue. Let her, who prizes cheerfulness aright, know that never does she sing lullaby to an infant sister, or act as a peace-maker between two contentious brothers, without making music in her own heart.

At the period of my writing no quality is more loudly commended than frugality. It should always be encouraged, for its Christian influences.

She, who is prodigal of her father's possessions, is seldom mindful of the calls of charity, or marked by propriety of dress, and the subordination of the appet.i.tes. I have elsewhere spoken of habits of industry as a preparation for reverses of fortune; but were a young lady perfectly a.s.sured of pecuniary independence through life, for the sake of her own character, she should be diligent and frugal. Let her expend freely for her mental culture, and devote large sums rather to the relief of the needy, than to selfish indulgences. She who belongs to the ma.s.s in this country, removed alike from the extremes of wealth and poverty, can never with impunity allow herself in habits of extravagance. This thought should be kept daily in mind, as she pursues the round of domestic duty. The wardrobe and the table constantly suggest it.

The duties of the fireside are friendly to Contentment. Why are females so often restless and disquieted at their own abode? Why does ennui prey on their spirits, save when some visit or visitor is in prospect? How should it be, that daughters, blest as those of America now are, should pant for the excitements of a round of public pleasures? Providence designed our inst.i.tutions for the promotion of woman's content and peace, no less than for that of man. Her hearth-stone was intended to be dear to her soul. She, who takes right views of herself and her duties, will ever find it so.

Here is an individual, who is disturbed by ambition. Her own little family circle is too narrow a sphere for her. But she mistakes the springs of content. Let her know that the wreath she wears should rest on her heart. The reply of the ill.u.s.trious Lady Jane Grey, to those who informed her that her father had left her the crown of England, is worthy of her s.e.x. "I am not so young, nor so little read in the smiles of fortune, to suffer myself to be taken by them. My liberty is better than the chain you proffer me, with what precious stones soever it may be adorned, or of what gold soever framed;--if you love me sincerely and in good earnest, you will rather wish me a secure and quiet fortune, though mean, than an exalted condition, exposed to the wind and followed by some dismal fall." Her melancholy fate, which occurred within ten days from the utterance of this language, gave a new and sad proof of her rare sagaciousness.

She who is faithful in the domestic walk, enjoys singular opportunities for the exercise of Grat.i.tude. Not only may she, by her a.s.siduous attentions, partially requite a mother's services, but she can thus express her grateful sense of the superior elevation now allotted her s.e.x. At the table and the fireside she may cause man to bear witness to, and rejoice in, the use she is making of her increased privileges. Here may she describe, in Christian colors, the much sought "line of beauty."

Our country has done for her what Greece and Rome proudly denied her s.e.x. It has conferred on her the blessings of education, equality of companions.h.i.+p with man, new means of benevolence, and the pledge of new spheres of action, so far as nature qualifies her, and the paramount claims of undeniable duty shall permit. What returns shall she make? Her country asks but one. Fresh zeal in self-tuition and in training those subject to her charge, for domestic fidelity, for true citizens.h.i.+p, and for immortal virtue and blessedness.

Another moral aspect of home, to be regarded by woman, is that it affords room for the practice of habitual Disinterestedness. A selfish man is an object of painful contemplation. How much more is this defect to be deplored in woman. She, whose nature, so ardent and susceptible, prompts to an almost instinctive kindness, cannot fail in this quality, without shedding a blight on her entire character.

But designate a female insulated by circ.u.mstances from the usual family connections, uninterested in domestic duties, and how often do you see one dest.i.tute of sympathy and an expansive benevolence. Elizabeth of England had no love of home; and what do we hear of her? That she had a lion-like port; but woman-like, Christian-like, humane, she certainly was not. She pa.s.sed through life, it is said, without a single friend.

She who performs the domestic duties aright, will find time for, as she must have calls and incentives to, Charitable services. The Sunday school is a sphere in which her fireside virtues prepare her to instruct. Teaching in general accords beautifully with the inspirations of home. Every female should be an intellectual and moral guardian to some portion of the young around her. In bestowing of her substance, and especially of her personal attentions, on the sick and the poor, she will find all she has done of good at home an invaluable prompter and aid. For the sake, therefore, of others, as a social and responsible being, let the flame she would support on the public altar be kindled from the vestal fire of the domestic one.

Again, what purity would it infuse into her Friends.h.i.+ps, did the young maiden love first and serve best her own kindred. Let her deep affections be developed by fireside fidelity, and how may she expend, of these heart-gathered riches, on the friends she is making of her own s.e.x. What a pledge has she given too of constancy in every new relation she may form.

Piety at home is friendly to that Quietness which is the "work of righteousness, and its effect" also. She is the true gentlewoman, who nurtures most faithfully in herself the calm virtues of the domestic walk. Heaven is a tranquil abode; let the soul be attuned for its harmonies by the quiet measures of fireside melody.

I close by saying, that in the family we may best cultivate a Christian Spirituality. There may self-communion be enjoyed. There too can we indulge in the perusal of those writings, which invigorate our faith, and give a firmer tone to our religious sentiments and our moral principles and habits. Be frugal of your moments, and each day you will redeem the hour for this duty, which G.o.d and the future demand. Commune habitually with that Being, whose countenance beams brightly on our dwellings. It is morning; trust not yourself to the trials and temptations before you, without commending yourself to your Immortal Guardian. It is evening; enter the sanctuary of the Holiest,

"And take the thought of this calm vesper time, With its low murmuring sounds and silvery light, On through the dark days fading from their prime, As a sweet dew to keep your soul from blight."

To all your literary acquisitions, and to every accomplishment, as a relative and a friend, add piety at home. That shall be an ornament of grace to thy neck. If G.o.d prosper your domestic ties, piety will give fresh zest to every homefelt joy. And should He call you to those trials, disappointments, and sorrows, of which, when they come on a household, woman must drink the dregs of the cup, how will you sustain them, without the love of G.o.d in your heart? Make Him your early trust, and He will gild the darkest cloud, with a ray of that mercy, which falls never so welcome as on the stricken heart.

"Earth may forsake--oh! happy to have given, The unbroken heart's first fragance unto Heaven."

Chapter V.

SOCIETY.

Dangers on entering Society. Of cheris.h.i.+ng a Pa.s.sion for it.

Sensitiveness to Public Opinion. Dress; Miss Sedgwick's view of it; connected with virtues. Mrs. Hanc.o.c.k. Exposure of Health.

Affectation; of extreme sensibility; of insensibility.

Conversation for Effect. Entertainments. Nominal Morality. Two guards, Moral Independence, and Ingenuousness. Dangers in regard to your own s.e.x. Envy. The Swiss sisters. Jealousy. Detraction.

Ridicule. Flattery. Cultivate Gentleness. Dr. Bowring in regard to Ladies in the East. Kind Feelings. "The art of being Pleased."

Good Sense. Good Taste. Amus.e.m.e.nts. A holy Purpose.

We spoke, in the preceding chapter, of the paramount demands of home on the youthful female. This was represented as the central luminary of life. We are led naturally, in this place, to note those influences adverse to domestic piety. There are planets, in the moral heaven of woman, whose orbits are so eccentric, that their motions are of fearful import to her heart. When she enters society, an equal among elders, it is a trying exigency; a crisis then occurs in her character. Her temptations are numerous, while her moral energy is usually less decided than at subsequent periods.

Among the perils appertaining to this stage, of a general description, I name, first,

That of cheris.h.i.+ng a Pa.s.sion for Society, to the neglect of domestic duty. To one issuing from an ordinary light, into the broad glare of the sun, there is danger that the vision may suffer. How often has she, who might have graced her home through all coming years, had she retained her first love of it, failed and fallen from this height, by being overpowered by the dazzling charms of a round of new pleasures. In vain has a brother, distant from home, entreated that she continue a sisterly correspondence. To no purpose has the gentle voice of a mother been at length raised against her dissipating course. The spell of a sorcerer is upon her. She is a doomed woman; there, in the gay world, fluttering, perhaps the admired of all admirers. Her own hearth-stone is deserted; and what must we antic.i.p.ate, should she be placed at the head of a new household?

Another exposure, always to be feared in society, arises from the sensitiveness of woman to Public Opinion. In our country this influence brings danger and evil to both s.e.xes. The language of Cecil, if true of London, is more so of America. "Doing as others do is the prevalent principle," he affirms, "of the present female character. This,--so far as it avails with man or woman,--is the ruin, death, and grave of all that is n.o.ble, and virtuous, and praiseworthy." An inordinate desire to please every one is surely a snare to integrity and purity of character.

But who so tempted, in this respect, as a young, dependant, and almost helpless, female? Such are the customs of society, that woman is placed beneath the protection of man. A consciousness of this position cannot fail to awaken a strong desire for his favor. This sentiment, always active, will have a superadded sway over one just entering the path of social life. In future days she will gain, perhaps, new confidence in herself, and rely more on her inward resources, while in the world. But now, she must lean much upon others, and will, almost insensibly, conform unduly to their wishes and practices. Let a guard be early stationed at this post of peril.

In regard to her Dress, the young woman is liable to subject herself completely to that form of public opinion termed fas.h.i.+on. This power, elsewhere an idol, seems in the realm of dress a very Moloch. How often are our children cast into its fiery arms, and the cries of the victim, or rather the cries of duty, and reason, drowned by the harsh music of the world.

Not only at evening parties, in the streets, and at Lectures, but in the very house of G.o.d, you shall see the dominion of this tyrant. I quote, on this topic, an eminent female writer of our country. "From your youth upwards you are accustomed to hear such remarks as follow: 'Did you observe Mrs. M.'s dress last Sunday? She must have got it from France; it was something so out of the common way, I could not take my eyes off from her all church time.' Another wore some article so old, or ill-fas.h.i.+oned, as to be unfit to be seen at church. A third looked so ugly in black that she 'must detest going into mourning.'" Now is not all this unworthy a rational and immortal being? Shall even the sanctuary be profaned by this polluting intruder? It is only our familiarity with such scenes, that prevents our shedding angel tears over this sin.

Why should it concern us, that Paris is glittering with some new token of her pa.s.sion for outward adorning? It is sad to see the devotion of this young republic to the customs and follies of the old world. The gardener tells us, that a tree or a flower, unless imported from abroad, has almost no value in the sight of our boasted horticulturists. Let us reform this spirit of servitude, and, repair to our own fields and forests for specimens of beauty. Let the good sense and the good taste of the American woman, shew to the nations abroad, that we will not servilely depend upon them, for every turn of a collar, or form of a bonnet. Had we more of "the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit," yes, a quiet, contented, and Christian spirit, we should devise for ourselves meet fas.h.i.+ons and modes of apparel.

My reason for dwelling on this subject is, that it has important Moral relations. I do not deny that dress may be properly regarded, both from a reasonable conformity to custom, and as an expression of the sense of beauty. Nay, I believe it may minister to several of the virtues.

Neatness, economy and purity, rank high in the Christian scale of attainments, and all these are promoted by propriety of dress. It is indeed a good index of one's character. Modesty and simplicity, those prime moral qualities, are very often manifested by the mere materials, or the construction, or adjustment, of the dress. Let it never, therefore, be viewed as a matter of indifference. Still less should a lady excuse herself in negligence in this respect, even for the care of her family, or the culture of her mind. Least of all should she affect a total unconcern about dress. The wife of John Hanc.o.c.k was remarkable, to the close of her life, for her attention to the neatness and beauty of her apparel. "I will never forgive," said she, "a young girl who does not dress to please, nor one who seems pleased with her dress." Literary ladies are sometimes strangely negligent in this respect. They may imagine that carelessness about personal appearances will be taken for a proof of genius. But men do not thus judge. On the contrary, they regard her as truly great, who is eminent for learning and talents, and at the same time not unmindful of dress and manners.

The sin of this matter lies in a breathless devotion to outward adorning. This is fatal to the inward and Christian graces. She who foregoes a reasonable regard to economy, for the sake of dress, is decidedly culpable. We are told that "a collection of three hundred and fifty pounds was once made for the celebrated Cuzzona, to save her from absolute want; but that she no sooner got the money than she laid out two hundred pounds of it in the purchase of a sh.e.l.l cap, which was just then in fas.h.i.+on!" Something of the same prodigality is often exhibited, only on a smaller scale. She who thinks more of her apparel than of her language, more of adopting the latest fas.h.i.+on than of conversing with intelligence, and demeaning herself as becomes a disciple of Jesus, must beware of her moral exposure.

Let it not be conceived, that whatever of error woman exhibits in her attachment to fas.h.i.+on is to be charged on her s.e.x alone. The other s.e.x have, in too many instances, extolled and idolized foreign modes of dress. It has been to gratify man,--and he knew the disposition that prompted it,--that such folly and excess have been shown in her apparel.

Yet will I say that it is not so with us all; few, very few of our s.e.x are propitiated by an extravagant care for fas.h.i.+ons. Most men are pained by the attenuated forms and pale countenances of those, who are slaves to every new mode of dress. They prefer the bloom of health, and the evidences of good taste, good sense, purity and propriety, seen in a well-dressed female, to the caricatures sanctioned only by the name of some foreign city.

The care of a young lady's health is another interest affected much by her entrance into society. The little girl is a picture of bloom and buoyancy. And why? Because fas.h.i.+on permits her to sport in the freedom of nature. The laws of G.o.d are allowed, in her case, to be so regarded as to secure her health. But for our young lady, it were rude and disreputable in her to indulge in those bodily exercises essential to her physical wellbeing.