The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb Volume IV Part 50

_Enter Susan_.

BOTH Well, Susan, have you heard any thing who the strange gentleman is?

SUSAN Haven't you heard? it's all come out; Mrs. Guesswell, the parson's widow, has been here about it. I overheard her talking in confidence to Mrs. Setter and Mrs. Pointer, and she says, they were holding a sort of _c.u.mmitty_ about it.

BOTH What? What?

SUSAN There can't be a doubt of it, she says, what from hisfigger and the appearance he cuts, and his _sumpshous_ way of living, and above all from the remarkable circ.u.mstance that his surname should begin with an H., that he must be--

BOTH Well, well--

SUSAN Neither more nor less than the Prince.

BOTH Prince!

SUSAN The Prince of Hessy-Ca.s.sel in disguise.

BOTH Very likely, very likely.

SUSAN Oh, there can't be a doubt on it. Mrs. Guesswell says she knows it.

FIRST WAITER Now if we could be sure that the Prince of Hessy what-do-you-call-him was in England on his travels.

SECOND WAITER Get a newspaper. Look in the newspapers.

SUSAN Fiddle of the newspapers, who else can it be?

BOTH That is very true (_gravely_).

_Enter Landlord_.

LANDLORD Here, Susan, James, Philip, where are you all? The London coach is come in, and there is Mr. Fillaside, the fat pa.s.senger, has been bawling for somebody to help him off with his boots. (_The Chambermaid and Waiters slip out_.)

(_Solus_.) The house is turned upside down since the strange gentleman came into it. Nothing but guessing and speculating, and speculating and guessing; waiters and chambermaids getting into corners and speculating, ostlers and stable-boys speculating in the yard, I believe the very horses in the stable are speculating too, for there they stand in a musing posture, nothing for them to eat, and not seeming to care whether thay have any thing or no; and after all what does it signify? I hate such curious--odso, I must take this box up into his bed-room--he charged me to see to it myself--I hate such inquisitive--I wonder what is in it, it feels heavy (_Reads_) "Leases, t.i.tle deeds, wills." Here now a man might satisfy his curiosity at once.

Deeds must have names to them, so must leases and wills. But I wouldn't--no I wouldn't--it is a pretty box too--prettily dovetailed--I admire the fas.h.i.+on of it much. But I'd cut my fingers off, before I'd do such a dirty--what have I to do--curse the keys, how they rattle--rattle in one's pockets--the keys and the halfpence (_takes out a bunch and plays with them_). I wounder if any of these would fit; one might just try them, but I wouldn't lift up the lid if they did. Oh no, what should I be the richer for knowing? (_All this time he tries the keys one by one_.) What's his name to me? a thousand names begin with an H. I hate people that are always prying, poking and prying into things,--thrusting their finger into one place--a mighty little hole this--and their keys into another. Oh Lord! little rusty fits it! but what is that to me? I wouldn't go to--no no--but it is odd little rusty should just happen.

(_While he is turning up the lid of the box_, MR. H. _enters behing him unperceived_.)

MR. H.

What are you about, you dog?

LANDLORD Oh Lord, Sir! pardon; no thief as I hope to be saved. Little Pry was always honest.

MR. H.

What else could move you to open that box!

LANDLORD Sir, don't kill me, and I will confess the whole truth. This box happened to be lying--that is, I happened to be carrying this box, and I happened to have my keys out, and so--little rusty happened to fit--

MR. H.

So little rusty happened to fit!--and would not a rope fit that rogue's neck? I see the papers have not been moved: all is safe, but it was as well to frighten him a little (_aside_).

Come, Landlord, as I think you honest, and suspect you only intended to gratify a little foolish curiosity--

LANDLORD That was all, Sir, upon my veracity.

MR. H.

For this time I will pa.s.s it over. Your name is Pry, I think.

LANDLORD Yes, Sir, Jeremiah Pry, at your service.

MR. H.

An apt name, you have a prying temper. I mean, some little curiosity, a sort of inquisitiveness about you.

LANDLORD A natural thirst after knowledge you may call it, Sir. When a boy I was never easy, but when I was thrusting up the lids of some of my school-fellows' boxes,--not to steal any thing, upon my honour, Sir,--only to see what was in them; have had pens stuck in my eyes for peeping through key-holes after knowledge; could never see a cold pie with the legs dangling out at top, but my fingers were for lifting up the crust,--just to try if it were pigeon or partridge,--for no other reason in the world. Surely I think my pa.s.sion for nuts was owing to the pleasure of cracking the sh.e.l.l to get at something concealed, more than to any delight I took in eating the kernel. In short, Sir, this appet.i.te has grown with my growth.

MR. H.

You will certainly be hanged some day for peeping into some bureau or other, just to see what is in it.

LANDLORD That is my fear, Sir. The thumps and kicks I have had for peering into parcels, and turning of letters inside out,--just for curiosity. The blankets I have been made to dance in for searching parish-registers for old ladies' ages,--just for curiosity! Once I was dragged through a horse-pond, only for peeping into a closet that had gla.s.s doors to it, while my Lady Bluegarters was undressing,--just for curiosity!

MR. H.

A very harmless piece of curiosity, truly; and now, Mr. Pry, first have the goodness to leave that box with me, and then do me the favour to carry your curiosity so far, as to enquire if my servants are within.

LANDLORD I shall, Sir. Here, David, Jonathan,--I think I hear them coming,--shall make bold to leave you, Sir.

[_Exit._]

MR. H.

Another tolerable specimen of the comforts of going anonymous!

_Enter two Footmen._

FIRST FOOTMAN You speak first.

SECOND FOOTMAN No, you had better speak.

FIRST FOOTMAN You promised to begin.

MR. H.

They have something to say to me. The rascals want their wages raised, I suppose; there is always a favour to be asked when they come smiling.

Well, poor rogues, service is but a hard bargain at the best. I think I must not be close with them. Well, David--well, Jonathan.

FIRST FOOTMAN We have served your honour faithfully----

SECOND FOOTMAN Hope your honour won't take offence----

MR. H.

The old story, I suppose--wages?