The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb Volume IV Part 59

PENDULOUS This served the purpose of a temporary concealment well enough; but when it came to the--_alibi_--I think they call it--excuse these technical terms, they are hardly fit for the mouth of a gentleman, the _witnesses_--that is another term--that I had sent for up from Melcombe Regis, and relied upon for clearing up my character, by disclosing my real name, _John Pendulous_--so discredited the cause which they came to serve, that it had quite a contrary effect to what was intended. In short, the usual forms pa.s.sed, and you behold me here the miserablest of mankind.

DAVENPORT (_Aside_). He must be light-headed.

PENDULOUS Not at all, Mr. Davenport. I hear what you say, though you speak it all on one side, as they do at the playhouse.

DAVENPORT The sentence could never have been carried into--pshaw!--you are joking--the truth must have come out at last.

PENDULOUS So it did, Mr. Davenport--just two minutes and a second too late by the Sheriff's stop-watch. Time enough to save my life--my wretched life--but an age too late for my honour. Pray, change the subject--the detail must be as offensive to you.

DAVENPORT With all my heart, to a more pleasing theme. The lovely Maria Flyn--are you friends in that quarter, still? Have the old folks relented?

PENDULOUS They are dead, and have left her mistress of her inclinations. But it requires great strength of mind to--

DAVENPORT To what?

PENDULOUS To stand up against the sneers of the world. It is not every young lady that feels herself confident against the shafts of ridicule, though aimed by the hand of prejudice. Not but in her heart, I believe, she prefers me to all mankind. But think what the world would say, if, in defiance of the opinions of mankind, she should take to her arms a--reprieved man!

DAVENPORT Whims! You might turn the laugh of the world upon itself in a fortnight.

These things are but nine days' wonders.

PENDULOUS Do you think so, Mr. Davenport?

DAVENPORT Where does she live?

PENDULOUS She has lodgings in the next street, in a sort of garden-house, that belongs to one Cutlet. I have not seen her since the affair. I was going there at her request.

DAVENPORT Ha, ha, ha!

PENDULOUS Why do you laugh?

DAVENPORT The oddest fellow! I will tell you--But here he comes.

_Enter Cutlet._

CUTLET (_To Davenport._) Sir, the young lady at my house is desirous you should return immediately. She has heard something from home.

PENDULOUS What do I hear?

DAVENPORT 'Tis her fears, I daresay. My dear Pendulous, you will excuse me?--I must not tell him our situation at present, though it cost him a fit of jealousy. We shall have fifty opportunities for explanation. [_Exit._]

PENDULOUS Does that gentleman visit the lady at your lodgings?

CUTLET He is quite familiar there, I a.s.sure you. He is all in all with her, as they say.

PENDULOUS It is but too plain. Fool that I have been, not to suspect that, while she pretended scruples, some rival was at the root of her infidelity!

CUTLET You seem distressed, Sir. Bless me!

PENDULOUS I am, friend, above the reach of comfort.

CUTLET Consolation, then, can be to no purpose?

PENDULOUS None.

CUTLET I am so happy to have met with him!

PENDULOUS Wretch, wretch, wretch!

CUTLET There he goes! How he walks about biting his nails! I would not exchange this luxury of unavailing pity for worlds.

PENDULOUS Stigmatized by the world--

CUTLET My case exactly. Let us compare notes.

PENDULOUS For an accident which--

CUTLET For a profession which--

PENDULOUS In the eye of reason has nothing in it--

CUTLET Absolutely nothing in it--

PENDULOUS Brought up at a public bar--

CUTLET Brought up to an odious trade--

PENDULOUS With nerves like mine--

CUTLET With nerves like mine--

PENDULOUS Arraigned, condemned--

CUTLET By a foolish world--

PENDULOUS By a judge and jury--

CUTLET By an invidious exclusion disqualified for sitting upon a jury at all--

PENDULOUS Tried, cast, and--

CUTLET What?

PENDULOUS HANGED, Sir, HANGED by the neck, till I was--

CUTLET Bless me!

PENDULOUS Why should not I publish it to the whole world, since she, whose prejudice alone I wished to overcome, deserts me?