The Breitmann Ballads Part 14

For ash de pold solidaten ish more prafe ash oder mans, Dey moost lead de hope verloren und pattle in de vans; Und ash defeat ish honoraple to men in honor shtrict, Dey honor dem py puttin' em vhere dey're cerdain to be licked.

Boot dis dimes it shlopped over. 'Tvas de dird or secondt heat, Dat a soldier in dis tisdrigt had been poot oop und beat; So de Plue Goats d.i.n.k it over und go quietly to vork: De bow vhen too moosh aufgespannt vlies packward mit a yerk.

Now Mishder Twine deglaret dat de ding seemed doubtenful, Boot mitout delay he dook de horns so poldly py de bull, Und shpread de shdory eferyvhere, dill folk to pliefe pecan, Dat Mishder Schmit had sold de vight unto der Breitemann!

He fix de liddle tedails - how moosh der Schmit hafe got For sellin' out his barty to let Breitmann haul de pot; Und he showed a brifate letter from Breitemann to Schmit, Vhere he bromise him for Congress if he shoost let oop a bit.

Der Twine vas writet dis ledder; for der Copitain Breitemann Vould nefer hafe shtood soosh hoompoogks since virst his life pegan: He hat tone some rough dings in de war, in de ploonder-und-morder line, Boot vas hoockleperry-persimmoned mit dese boledics of Twine.

Howefer, dis ledder vorket foorst-rate - mit de Mericans pest of all, For dey mostly d.i.n.ked it de naturalest ding as efer couldt pefall; For to sheat von's own gonst.i.tuents ish de pest mofe in de came, Und dey nefer sooposed a Dootchman hafe de sense to do de same.

5.-HOW THEY HELD THE Ma.s.s MEETING.

Dere's nodings in dis vorldt so pad, ash all oov us may learn, Boot may shange from dark to lighthood, if loock should dake a doorn; So it hoppinet mit Breitmann, who in spite of sin and Schmit, Gontrifed ad shoost dis yooncture do make a glucky hit.

Dey hat sendet out some plackarts to de Deutsche burgers all (N.B. - Dish ish not mean blackguards, boot de pills dey shtick on de vall), To say dat a Ma.s.senversammlung - or a meeding of all dem a.s.ses- Vouldt be held in de Arbeiter-Halle, to consisd of de Sharman cla.s.ses.

Now dey gife de brinting of de pills to a new gekommene man, Who d.i.n.ked dat Demokratisch vas de same ash Repooblican: Got im Himmel weiss vhere he'd hid himself on dis free Coloompian sh.o.r.e Dat he scaped de naturalizationisds, und hand't found out pefore.

Boot to dis Deutsche brinter, de only tifference he Petween Rep.o.o.plicanish and Demokratisch tid see, Vas dat von vash dwo ledders longer; so he dook shoost vot seem pat To make de poster handsome - likewise a liddle fat.

How ofden in dis buzzlin' life shmall grubs grows oop to vings!

How often shoost from moostard seet a virst-gla.s.s pusiness shprings!

Van't klein komt men tot't groote, ash de Hollanders hafe said: Mit dese dwo ledders Breitmann caved in der Schmitsy's head.

6.-BREITMANN'S GREAT SPEECH.

Dis tale dat Schmit hafe sell de vight cot so mooch put apout, Dat many of his beoples vere in fery tupious toubt; 'Pove all, dose who were on de make, and easy change deir lodge, Und, pein awfool smart demselfs, pelieve in efery dodge.

Vhen de meeding vas gesempled, und dey found no Schmit vas dere, Dey looket at von anoder mit a ganz erstaunished air; But dey saw it glear as taylighd, und around a vink dere ran, Vhen pefore dem rose de s.h.i.+ant form of Copitain Breitemann!

Denn Breitemann vent los at dem: "He could nichts vell exbress De rapdure dat besqueezed his hearts - de wonnevol hoppiness- To meed in friendtlich council and glasp de hand of dose, Who had peen mit most oonreason and unkindly galled his foes.

"Berhaps o'er all dis shmilin' eart' - he vould say it dere un denn- Soosh shpecdagles couldt nod pe seen of soosh imbardial men, So tefoid of base sospicion, so apofe all betty dricks, Ash to gome und lisden vairly to a voe in poled.i.c.ks;

"Dat ish to say, a so-galled voe - for he feeled id in his soul Dat de brinciples vitch mofed dem vere de same oopon de whole; But he lack a vord to exbress dem in manners opportunes"- Here a veller in de gallery gry oud, oonkindly, "Shpoons!"

Und dere der Breitmann goppled him: "If shpoons our modifes pe.

Dere's nod a man pefore oos who lossed a shpoon by me: Far rader had I gife you all a shpoons to eaten mit, Und I hope to ged a ladle for mein friendt, der Mishder Schmit."

Dis fetch das Haus like doonder - it raise der tyfel's dust, Und for sefen-lefen minudes dey ooplouded on a bust; Und de chaps dat d.i.n.ked of hedgin' saw a ring as round as O; So dey boked each oder in de rips und said, "I dold you so!"

For dis d'lusion to de ladle vas as glear ash city milk, Und drawd it on de beoples so vine ash flossen silk, Dat Hans und Schmit vere rollin' locks, und de locks vere ready cut; Only Breitmann hafe de liddle end, und Schmitsy dake de b.u.t.t!

Denn Breitmann he crack onward: "If any 'lightened man Vill seeken in his Bibel, he'll find dat a publican Is a barty ash sells lager; und de ding is fery blain, Dat a re-publican ish von who sells id 'gain und 'gain.

"Now since dat I sells lager, I gant agreen mit De demprance brinciples I hear dishtriputet to Schmit; Boot dis I dells you vairly, und no one to teseife- If I were Schmit, I'd pliefen shoost vot der Schmit peliefe.

"And to mine Sharman liperal friendts I might mention in dis shpot, Dat I hear an oonfoundet rumor dat der Schmit peliefe in Gott; Und also dat he coes to shoorsh - mit a brayer-book - for salfadion: I vould not for die welt say dings to hoort his repudation.

"Und noding is more likely dat it all a shlander pe, So also de rumor dat vhen young he shtoody divinidy: I myself, ash a publican, moost pe a sinner py fate, Und in dis sense I denounce mineself ash Republican-didate!

"Ash Deutschers say - und Yankees doo - vhen der wein ish in der man, So ish oopon de oder part, de wise-hood in de can, Vhitch brofes dat wein und wise-hood ish all de same, py s.h.i.+nks!

Und de only real can-didate ish der veller ash coes for trinks:

"Und dat ve may meed in gommon, I deglare here in dis hall- Und I shvears mineself to holt to it, votefer may pefall- Dat any man who gifes me his fote - votefer his boledics pe- Shall alfays pe regartet ash bolidigal friendt py me."

(Dis voonderfol Condescension pring down drementous applause, Und dose who catch de nodion gife most derriple hooraws: Eshbecially some Amerigans ash vas shtandin' near de door, Und who in all deir leben long nefer heard so moosh sense pefore.)

"Dese ish de brinciples I holts, and dose in vitch I run: Dey ish fixed firm und immutaple ash de course of de 'ternal sun: Boot if you ton't approve of dem - blease nodice vot I say- I shall only pe too happy to alder dem right afay.

"Und undo my Demogratic friendts I vould fery glearly shtate- Since dis useless mit oop-gecleared minds to hold a long depate- Dat dere's no man in de cidy who sells besser liquor ash I, Und I shtand de treadts free-gradis vhenefer mine friendts ish try.

"Ad finem - in de ende - I moost mendion do you all, Dat a dootzen parrels of lager bier ish a-gomin' to dis hall: Dere ish none of mine own barty here, bot we'll do mitout deir helfs; Und I kess, on de whole, 'twill pe shoost so goot if ve trink it all ourselfs."

Soosh drementous up-loudation pefore vas nefer seen, Ash dey svored dat der Copitain Breitmann vas a brickpat, und no sardine;[34]

Und dey trinked demselfs besoffen, sayin', "Hobe you wird sookceed!"- De nexter theil will pe de ent of dis historisch lied.

III.

PARDT DE VIRST.

THE AUTHOR a.s.sERTS THE VAST INTELLECTUAL SUPERIORITY OF GERMANS TO AMERICANS.

DERE'S a liddle fact in hishdory vitch few hafe oondershtand, Deutschers are, de jure, de owners of dis land, Und I brides mineslf oonshpeak-barly dat I foorst make be-known, De primordial cause dat Columbus vas derivet from Cologne.

For ash his name vas Colon, it fisiply does s.h.i.+ne, Dat his Eldern are geboren been in Cologne on der Rhein, Und Colonia peing a colony, it sehr bemerkbar ist, Dat Columbus in America was der firster colonist.

Und ash Columbus ish a tove, id ish wort' de drople to mark, Dat an bidgeon foorst tiscofer land a-vlyin' from de ark; Und shtill wider - in de peginnin', mitout de leastest toubt, A tofe vas vly ofer de wa.s.sers und pring de vorldt herout.

Ash mein goot oldt teacher der Kreutzer to me tid ofden shbeak, De mythus of name rebeats itself - vhitch see in his "Symbolik,"

So also de name America, if we a liddle look, Vas coom from der oldt king Emerich in de Deutsche Heldenbuch.

Und id vas from dat fery Heldenbuch - how voonderful it ron, Dat I shdole de Song of Hildebrand, or der Vater und der Sohn, Und dishtripude it to Breitemann for a reason vhitch now ish plain, Dat dis Sagen Cyclus full-endet, pring me round to der Hans again.

Dese laws of un-endly un-windoong ish so teep and broad and tall, Dat nopody boot a Deutscher hafe a het to versteh dem at all, Und should I write mine d.i.n.ks all out, I tont peliefe inteed, Dat I mineslf vould versteh de half of dis here Breitmann's Lied.

Ash der Hegel say of his system - dat only von mans knew, Vot der tyfel id meant - und he couldn't tell - und der Jean Paul Richter, too, Who saidt: "Gott knows I meant somedings vhen foorst dis buch I writ, Boot Gott only wise vot das buch means now - for I hafe fergotten it!"

Und all of dis be-wises so blain ash de face on your nose, Dat der Deutscher hafe efen more intellects dan he himself soopose, Und his tifference mit de over-again vorldt, as I really do soospect, Ish dat oder volk hafe more soopose - und lesser intellect.

Yet oop-righty I confess it - mitout ashkin' vhy or vhence, Dere ish also dimes vhen Amerigans hafe shown sharp-pointet sense, Und a fery outsigned exemple of genius in dis line, Vas dishblayed in dis elegdion py Mishder Hiram Twine.