Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 22

Men's social calls are few. Business affairs require most of their time, and the duty of card-leaving is generally given into the hands of a feminine relative--either mother, sister or wife. Married men invariably entrust their formal social duties to their wives, but single men must not take advantage of this privilege. It is all very well for a mother or sister to leave the cards of a son or brother who is busy at his office on the hostesses whose hospitality they enjoyed together. But when a young man is entertained by a hostess who is not on his mother's or sister's visiting list, it is very important for him to make his return calls in person. This is especially true in regard to dinner and ball hospitalities--they require immediate and cordial reciprocation in the matter of calls and card-leaving.

THE MAN'S CHANCE CALL

Unless the ladies are in the drawing-room, ready to receive, a man, upon making a chance call, sends up his card or cards to the people he wishes to see. If the servant who opens the door does not know whether or not the ladies are at home, or if she says that they are at home but not downstairs, the caller places his cards on the tray and waits in the drawing-room for the return of the servant.

If the call is made after a ball, dinner or theater party, and the young man is calling on the young ladies of the household, he sends up a card for each young lady, and also one for the mother or chaperon. If the call is made for the express purpose of seeing one particular young lady, a card must be sent up for her and for her mother or chaperon.

Two cards are also required when a man calls upon a married couple, in whose name he has received some hospitality. He sends up one card for each.

After having called several times at a certain house, obviously for the purpose of seeing a young lady of the family and enjoying her society, it is no longer necessary to include the chaperon in the ceremony of card-leaving.[2] (See footnote.) One may send a card up only to the lady one wishes to see.

[2] _Chaperon_ being to-day a practically obsolete term, we use it here to signify the parent or guardian most directly concerned with the social welfare of the young lady.

ABOUT LEAVING AND POSTING CARDS

When an invalid, elderly lady or woman in deep mourning desires to repay by some courtesy, calls made upon her or invitations received, she may leave cards at a door instead of paying a personal call, or sending them by post or messenger. A very busy hostess may employ the same means of returning a dinner call or first call that she owes a friend or acquaintance, especially if she is desirous of extending an invitation. Instead of leaving the card, she may even, for lack of time and opportunity, post it with an engraved or written invitation.

A man or woman unable to accept an invitation, extended by a hostess to whom he or she is a stranger, is obligated to leave cards within two weeks after the entertainment. Similarly, the guests, men and women, invited to the ceremony of a church wedding, leave cards for the bride's mother within two weeks after the wedding. Even though one is a stranger to the mother, this card must be left as a matter of courtesy and social obligation. People who receive cards announcing a marriage are also expected to leave cards for the mother of the bride. A friend of the groom who is a stranger to the bride and her family, and who finds that he is unable to attend the ceremony to which he has been invited, need not pay a call, but must leave a card for the bride's mother a week or two after the wedding.

Other occasions requiring card-leaving are those inquiries regarding the health and condition of a friend; sympathy and good feeling in the event of some misfortune; condolence; congratulation; and upon announcing a prolonged absence from, or a reentrance into, society. A change of address is also usually made known by means of card-leaving.

[Ill.u.s.tration: Brown Bros.

DECORATIONS FOR A WEDDING IN A SMALL CHURCH

In a simple church such as the one pictured above the ribbon at the end of the pews may be omitted]

If one is invited to an afternoon or evening reception, and finds it impossible to attend, cards should be sent either by mail or messenger, so that they reach the hostess on the day of her entertainment. If the cards are sent by hand or by post, they should be enclosed in a card envelope, sealed, and addressed to the host and hostess--provided, of course, that both of their names appear on the invitation. If the affair is in honor of some special person a card is left for or sent to that person in addition to the one for the hostess.

If posted cards of regret are sent by a single woman, she includes one for the _debutante_ or for the guest of honor, in addition to the one enclosed for the hostess. The married woman adds to these two, three more of her husband's. A single man, under the same circ.u.mstances, sends three of his cards if the reception is given in honor of a _debutante_ or a guest of honor (masculine or feminine), and if the invitation was issued in the name of a host and hostess.

One may send cards of inquiry, congratulation and condolence by post or messenger, only if one is indisposed, invalided, or inconveniently situated at a great distance from the persons addressed. It is always better form to pay these calls in person, and leave the cards oneself.

However, the cards of inquiry, congratulation and condolence may all be acknowledged by post or messenger, as one desires.

LEAVING CARDS OF INQUIRY

On one's card, the words "To inquire" or "May you recover rapidly" may be penciled when a call of inquiry regarding the health of a friend is made. During a long illness, calls by friends and acquaintances who have been in the habit of making social calls, should be made at least three times a week. By these "calls," you understand, we mean mere calls of inquiry when the card is left by the door and the patient is not seen personally.

Card-leaving for inquiry, condolence and congratulation is invariably made in person. Before a funeral, an engraved card with a word or two of regret penciled on the right side, may be entrusted to the servant.

When husbands and wives call separately or together, they leave their own individual cards. In cases of this kind, they do not leave cards for each other. But when a married couple calls to offer sympathy for the loss of a daughter or son, two of the husband's and one of the wife's cards are left. Only one card each is left for a widow, as for a widower also. Cards left for orphaned children are meant for the oldest, who now represents the head of the family.

About two weeks after a funeral, cards are left with the mourning family, unless a special call of condolence is made. In this case, the cards are left just as though it were a social call being made.

Black-bordered cards are never used except by people who are themselves in mourning. A matron may leave cards for her entire family, and a sister may fulfill the duty for a busy brother.

It is neither complimentary nor genuinely courteous to post a card to inquire after a friend or acquaintance who is ill. It should be left at the door in person, after asking news of the invalid's condition. A word of cheer or inquiry may be penciled below the caller's name, engraved on the card.

Calls of inquiry, condolence and the like are made without reference to social indebtedness, but in all other cases except among intimate friends, the convention of alternating calls should be adhered to.

ACKNOWLEDGING CALLS OF INQUIRY AND CONDOLENCE

A large, square card in plain white or with a black border, inscribed as follows, is ideal to send to those people who called to offer sympathy and condolence during a bereavement, posted two weeks after the funeral:

_Mrs. Robert Guy Mannering and Family gratefully acknowledge your kind expression of sympathy upon the death of their beloved husband and father Robert Guy Mannering._

Another acceptable form frequently used to acknowledge calls of condolence before and after a funeral, is:

_The family of the late John Ray acknowledge with sincere appreciation your kind sympathy._

The name "John Ray" may appear on the second line by itself, or it may be part of the first line as shown above, entirely according to taste or the prevalent popular custom. The address of the bereaved family should appear towards the bottom of the card, slightly to the left. It is always better form to have it printed in italics.

Invalids, to express grat.i.tude for the courtesies shown them by friends, write or dictate notes of thanks immediately upon becoming well again. Often a popular hostess will receive a vast number of solicitous cards and notes of inquiry during an illness, and it will be necessary for her in her still weakened state, to trust to the mails to thank the friends and acquaintances who inquired for her. She may send her ordinary visiting card, with the words, "Thank you for your kind inquiries" or others to that effect, written across it. "Thanks" should never be used instead of "Thank you." Its brevity carries a suggestion of discourtesy.

ANNOUNCEMENT CARDS

At the present time, the vogue of sending out cards announcing a death in the family, has been almost entirely discontinued in better society.

Instead, an announcement is inserted in the newspapers, giving particulars about the death and also the day of the funeral. It is by far a more satisfactory method. A typical newspaper announcement follows:

_Cole.--At Whitehouse, N.J., on February 23, 1921, Rose Emily, beloved wife of Robert M. Cole, succ.u.mbed to pneumonia. Services at Chapel, Albany Rural Cemetery, Sat.u.r.day, February 26, at 3 P.M._

When a betrothal takes place, announcement cards are sometimes sent out, but it is not necessary to have specially engraved cards. As a rule, the mother of the happy young bride writes notes to intimate friends and acquaintances, or inscribes the news on her visiting cards and posts them to those of her friends with whom both she and her daughter are most intimate.

Weddings are usually announced by means of engraved cards. The correct form for these is given elsewhere. Engraved cards also announce the birth of a child. For this, one may have a tiny white card engraved with the baby's name, and attached to the mother's card with a narrow white satin ribbon. It is posted to all friends and acquaintances. In lieu of an address, which appears on mother's card, baby's card bears the date of the birth in the lower right-hand corner. The joint card of the father and mother may be used to announce the birth of a child, the full name of the infant being engraved in small letters above the names of its parents.

The card announcing the birth of a child is sent by mail. Immediately upon its receipt, friends and acquaintances make calls to inquire after the health of mother and child, and to leave cards for both. When one is prevented from calling--and there should always be sufficient reason for _not_ calling--one may respond to the card of announcement by posting one's own card to the mother, with congratulations penciled above the name. Acknowledgment of some kind must be made promptly.

WHEN TRAVELING

To the man or woman who travels, those tiny bits of bristol board are important factors in keeping him or her in touch with the home social life left behind. When one arrives at a strange place, perhaps thousands of miles from a friend, and one intends to remain there for several weeks--or months--one's visiting cards posted to all friends and acquaintances, and bearing one's temporary address, ties one to home in a particularly pleasing way. Letters follow in their wake. News of social activities reach one. And one begins to feel that after all, this strange land is not so distant!

And so, if you travel, remember that as soon as you reach a place where you intend to stop for a short while, send out visiting cards to all your friends, relatives and acquaintances, and let them know your temporary address. It may be written in pencil or ink above the home address. When you change your address permanently, be sure that all your friends and acquaintances know of the change. For this purpose, the old visiting cards are the best to use; they may be sent with a line drawn through the old address, and the new written above it.

A man stopping at a hotel for a week or two, and desirous of letting his friends in the vicinity know of his whereabouts, posts his cards bearing the temporary address, to all his masculine friends, and calls and leaves his card upon the women he wishes to see. A woman stopping at a hotel or resort, posts her visiting cards, with the temporary address above her home address, to all whose attention she wishes to claim,--men and women.

P.P.C. CARDS

_Pour prendre conge_, it means, a French expression translated to read, "To take leave." And it is used in connection with those last-day visits before one sails for Europe, or starts on a long trip to some distant place.

The ordinary visiting card is used, with the letters P.P.C. written in pencil or ink in one corner, indicating the departure and so differentiating it from other cards. Cards so inscribed are posted to, or left with, all friends and acquaintances, a day or two before setting out on the voyage. No acknowledgment is necessary as they are courtesy-cards with no relation whatever to one's social debts and dues.

P.P.C. cards are always necessary before an extended departure, but they are particularly so when one owes calls in return for hospitality, or calls in return for first calls. If there is very little time, and a great many calls to be attended to, it is entirely correct in this case to drive from house to house, leaving the cards with the servant who opens the door. The cards may even be posted a day before the departure, if time is very much limited.

It is not usual for P.P.C. cards to be distributed at the end of the season, when members of society make their regular change of residence.

As explained under the head "When Traveling," a visiting card may be sent to one's friends and acquaintances, bearing the temporary address above the permanent home address. Thus the P.P.C. card would not be especially necessary.