Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 31

_New York, August 24th._

_Dear Miss Curtis:_

_I hasten to offer you my most profound sympathy for the great grief that has fallen upon you and your house-hold. If there is anything I can do, I hope you will not hesitate to call upon me._

_Cordially yours,_

_Harriet B. Wainwright._

_Philadelphia, May 5th._

_My dear Mrs. Andrews:_

_Knowing as I do from my own experience how deep your grief must be I also know that there is little that anyone can say or do to make your sorrow any the less. Yet I cannot refrain from offering my sincerest sympathy, and along with it the hope that Time, which softens all things, will make even this easier to bear._

_Believe me, most sincerely yours,_

_Lillian M. Roberts._

ACKNOWLEDGING A LETTER OF CONDOLENCE

Mourning or white paper is always used when answering a letter of condolence, except when the engraved cards of acknowledgment are sent.

These are severely plain, and the message is always brief. Often they are sent in the name of the entire family, as:

_Mr. and Mrs. John Hall Hammond gratefully acknowledge your expression of sympathy upon the death of their daughter.

June 6, 1921._

This is certainly the easiest way for the bereaved to express their grat.i.tude, though simple notes of thanks may be sent instead of the more formal card.

ETIQUETTE OF THE FRIENDLY LETTER

It is often a moot question among friends as to who shall write the first letter. Generally speaking, it is the one who has gone away rather than the one who remains behind who writes first, though among good friends there is no more necessity to count letters than there is to count visits. The writer knew a college girl who, when she came home, decided to wait before writing and see how many of her friends cared enough for her to write to her. She was rather gratified by the result but if each girl who came away from the school had arrived at the same decision the situation would have been a very queer one, to say the least of it.

A young lady who has gone away may send a card or write a brief note to a gentleman but if he is the one who has departed she should not write to him until she has received a letter from him.

Some people may feel that a discourse on friendly letters has no place in a book on social intercourse. But we feel that social success is just as largely dependent upon one's simple friends.h.i.+ps as it is upon highly extravagant social activities, and therefore it is necessary to know something about the friendly letter.

The salutation in a friendly letter should always be "Dear Mary" or "Dear Miss Jones." The text of the letter should be written with ease, and instead of a long list of questions (as some letter-writers delight in using), bits of choice news of the day, interesting personal experiences, and the like should be disclosed. As Elizabeth Myers in her book "The Social Letter," says: "The friendly letter is our proxy for a little _tete-a-tete_, telling of the personal news of the day, and should be as extemporaneous as daily speech. Such letters are given free scope and it would be as bootless to dictate rules as it would be to commit a monologue to memory prior to a friendly visit."

Unless you are very intimate with a friend, and your letter contains "identifying" news, do not sign yourself merely with your Christian name. There are many Marys, and Johns and Harolds; and a letter signed with the full name is as cordial as one which gives only the baptismal name.

There is an old Latin proverb, "_Litera scripta manet_," meaning "The written letter remains." A very pretty sentiment is attached to this one short sentence. It means not only that the letter itself remains, but that the thoughts contained in that letter, the kind, unselfish, pretty thoughts of friends.h.i.+p, remain forever in heart and mind of the person for whom it was intended. When you write to your friends, make your letters so beautiful in form and text, that they will be read, re-read, and cherished a long time after as a fond memory. It will be a big step on the road to social perfection. Another point to be kept in mind is that nothing should be written in a letter that one would not be willing for almost anyone to see. Letters sometimes travel far, and one can never be altogether sure into what hands they may fall.

THE CHILD'S LETTER

The sooner the child is taught to take care of his or her own personal correspondence, the sooner he or she will become perfect in the art of letter-writing. The little ones should be taught early the significance of the correct letter, the importance of correct social correspondence.

Their duties at first may be light, and guided entirely by mother's suggestions; but the youngsters will soon find keen pleasure and enjoyment in creating letters themselves.

Here are a few letters that might have been written by children between the ages of seven and twelve. They are not offered as model letters, for children have a great deal more personality than grown-ups, and they must get that personality into what they write; otherwise the letter will be strained and unnatural. Do not be too critical of their first efforts. Pa.s.s over mistakes, and let the letter sound as if the child and not you had written it. At the same time teach them to be careful. With a very small bit of diplomacy the child can be brought to take great pride in a letter which he wrote "with his own hand." And don't make the children say things that they do not want to. Protect them from the petty insincerities of social life as long as possible.

_Dear Aunt May:_

_Thank you ever so much for the pretty doll. I have named her May. Mother thinks she is very pretty but Tom does not. Tom does not like dolls. He plays with the dog and his tops and marbles nearly all the time. The dog's name is Mike. He is black. I like him lots. We are going to have strawberry ice cream Sunday. I wish you could be here. I would give you a big plate full._

_Please come to see me soon._

_Your loving niece,_

_Helen._

_Dear Uncle Frank,_

_I have a box of paints. I painted a dog and a soldier this morning. The soldier has on a red coat. The dog is a pointer. My dog is a rat terrier named Jack. He caught a big rat this morning in the barn. Mother says she thinks he has been eating the chickens. School will be out in a week. I will be glad. Mother says she will not. I know how to swim. There is a creek near here. The water is over my head in one place. I am going fis.h.i.+ng one day next week. I caught two perch last time I went._

_Your nephew,_

_John._

_Dear Grandma:_

_I wish you a very happy birthday, and I hope that you will like the present I sent you. Mother says that she will take me to see you soon. I wish she could take me to-day._

_Your loving grandchild,_

_Mabel._

LETTERS TO PERSONS OF t.i.tLE

A certain set of definite rules is prescribed for all communication with t.i.tled people. The general rules given for ordinary social correspondence are not the same for persons of t.i.tle, and as each executive, dignitary and man or woman of royal blood requires special address, it will be necessary to incorporate them into a compact scale that can be easily referred to. At the end of this volume is a scale giving the opening, closing and address, formal and informal, for every person of t.i.tle.

CHAPTER VII

PARENTS AND CHILDREN

THE HOME

The home is the unit of our social life, and just as the whole can be no greater than the sum of its parts so the standard of behavior in a community can be no higher than the sum of the standards in the homes that make up that community. If in the home one observes strictly the rules of politeness, which means kindness, one will have very little trouble with the rules of etiquette, which is simply the way politeness finds expression in our intercourse with each other. Minor canons of etiquette change from time to time but good manners are always the same, and never out of fas.h.i.+on.