Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 30

Invariably, the new form is an improvement on the older and more stilted form. However, there are slight changes, and the general rules of correct correspondence remain unchanged from year to year. A good stationer is the best authority in regard to the minor modifications that come each new season.

The _outre_ in everything pertaining to good social usage is offensive to good taste. Thus, those who are refined and well-bred avoid such startling color combinations as deep purple paper inscribed with white ink. Of course, by its very daring, such a letter would gain immediate attention. But the impression made would be one of poor taste and eccentricity, rather than the striking personality the writer doubtless tried to convey. Let us, then, avoid all fads in size and color of social stationery

LETTER AND NOTE PAPER

Plain, unruled sheets, either white or light gray in color, and folding once into their envelopes are the approved materials for all social correspondence. Black ink should always be used--violet, blue or purple expresses extremely bad taste. There are, of course, many varying qualities of note paper, depending entirely upon the means and preferences of the individual. Some manufacturers are to-day issuing delightful stationery in delicate tones of gray, blue and buff, and it is necessary to mention here that there can be no objection to note paper of this kind. It is only bad taste to use paper of vivid red, yellow or green--so glaring in color that it is conspicuous. Colored borders on stationery are in poor taste, as are also heavy gilt edges.

Paneled stationery and that with the deckle edge are both very lovely and in excellent taste, if the color is subdued or pure white. And to be conspicuous is to be ill-bred.

The complete text of a formal note must appear on the first page only.

Thus, a good size for a woman's social correspondence stationary is four and a half inches by six inches, although it may be slightly larger than that for general correspondence. Then there are the very small sheets used merely for a few words of condolence or congratulation. The size of stationery for men's social correspondence varies, but it is usually a trifle larger than a woman's note paper. A man never uses small sheets of paper, nor may he conduct social correspondence upon business or office paper. It is only when private stationery is not easily available, and a letter must be immediately mailed, that club or hotel paper may be used for social correspondence.

Letter paper and envelopes should be of the same color and of about the same material. We say "about" for, when the note paper is very thin, a slightly thicker paper should be used for the envelope. Incidentally, very thin paper is objectionable for social correspondence when both sides of the sheet are written upon.

Some women like to use perfumed paper for their social correspondence.

While it is not exactly bad form to use perfumed stationery, a very strong fragrance is most objectionable. Thus only the most delicate of perfumes may be used. The use of perfumes for men's stationery is entirely discountenanced.

CRESTS AND MONOGRAMS

Just as the gaudy frills and furbelows of the dress of Queen Elizabeth's era have disappeared, so have the elaborate crests, seals and monograms of earlier social stationery gradually given way to a more graceful and dignified simplicity. Originality may be the possession of those who can attain it, but it must always be accompanied by simplicity of style.

Gorgeous monograms are not desirable. If used at all--and very few even of our proud and aristocratic families _do_ use them--they should be decorative without being elaborate. A good stationer should be consulted before one determines upon a monogram. His taste and knowledge should direct the ultimate choice.

Monograms and crests should not appear on the envelope, only on the letter paper. Seals may be stamped wherever one wishes on the back of the envelope, although the most fas.h.i.+onable place is in the direct center of the flap. On mourning stationery, black wax is permissible for the seal; red, blue or any dark color may be used on white or light gray paper. Care should be taken in dropping the hot wax and pressing the seal, for nothing is so indicative of poor taste as an untidy seal on the envelope of a social letter. A seal should not be used unless it is actually needed. It is bad form to use it in addition to the mucilage on the flap of the envelope unless the mucilage is of a very poor quality.

A monogram or crest is placed in the center at the top of the page when no address is given. It should be omitted entirely when the address appears at the top of the page. The s.p.a.ce occupied by a crest or monogram should not cover more than the approximate circ.u.mference of a silver dime. A crest is usually stamped in gilt, silver, black, white or dark green. Vivid colors must be avoided.

When an address is engraved on a sheet of paper the chest or monogram should be omitted. The stationery of a country house frequently has the name of the place in the upper right hand corner with the name of the post office or railroad station opposite. Authors sometimes have their names reproduced from their own handwriting and engraved across the top of the paper they use for their business correspondence.

The most fas.h.i.+onable stationery to-day does not bear crests or monograms or seals, but the address engraved in Gothic or Roman lettering in the upper center of note and letter sheets, also on the reverse side of the envelope. Black ink, of course, is used.

USE OF THE TYPEWRITER

Having invaded and conquered the business world, the typewriter has now become a social necessity. Personal typewriters, made in portable sizes, are now being used for social correspondence, although many conservative people prefer to remain loyal to the use of the old pen and ink method. Yet, when the best handwriting is often illegible and hard to read, a modern invention so necessary as the typewriter should be hailed with delight and used with enthusiasm.

There still may be a few "extremists" and etiquette fanatics who insist that typewritten letters are for business purposes only, and that they are an insult when used socially. Prevalent custom to-day permits typewritten correspondence for nearly every occasion, and the well-typed social letter reflects better taste upon the sender than a hand-written letter that is difficult to read--and yet took a much greater length of time to write.

Social letters, whether hand or typewritten should not be on ordinary commercial paper. The letter written on the machine should have a wide margin at the top, bottom and sides. Signatures to a typewritten letter, social or business, should be made personally, in ink.

REGARDING THE SALUTATION

It is only in cases of extreme formality that the expression "Dear Madam" or "Dear Sir" is used. For ordinary social correspondence, the salutation is either "Dear Mr. (Mrs.) Roberts" or "My dear Mr. (Mrs.) Roberts." The use of "My dear" is considered more formal than merely "Dear," except in England where the first form is considered the more intimate.

The form "Dear Miss" or "Dear Friend" may be used on no condition whatever. It is either "Dear Miss Wimberly" or "Dear Madam." It is considered presumptuous, in good society, for a man to address a lady as "Dear Mrs. Brown" until she has first dropped the formal "my" in her correspondence with him.

The strictly formal method for addressing a letter to a man by a woman who is a total stranger to him, is:

"Mr. John D. Brown, "Dear Sir."

If he is a distant relative, addressed for the first time, or the friend of a very intimate friend, the salutation may read, "My dear Mr.

Brown."

CLOSING THE LETTER

The endings "Very truly yours" or "Yours truly" express a certain formality. Friendly letters are closed with such expressions as, "Yours most sincerely," "Cordially yours," "Very affectionately yours,"

"Lovingly yours." The latter two expressions are confined largely to intimate friends and relatives, while the others are used when letters are written to new acquaintances or casual friends. The p.r.o.noun _yours_ should never be omitted, as it leaves the phrase unfinished and is not complimentary to the person addressed. Thus, closings, such as "Very truly" or "Sincerely" are in bad form.

Always remember in social letter-writing, to make a "graceful exit." An awkward sentence in closing often mars what would otherwise be a perfect letter. Forget certain strained expressions that remain in the mind and demand to be used as closings, merely because they have been used by so many people, over and over again. Make the farewell in your social letters as cordial and graceful as your farewell would be if you were talking to the person, instead of writing. Such kind expressions as "With kindest personal regards" or "Hoping to have the pleasure of seeing you soon" or "With best wishes to your dear mother and sisters"

always add a note of warmth and cordiality to the social letter. These should be followed by "I am." It is not considered good form to end a letter,

_Hoping to hear from you soon, Yours sincerely,_

but it should be

_Hoping to hear from you soon, I am Yours sincerely,_

No comma is used after "am."

It is not good taste to use only the initials, the surnames or given names alone, or diminutives, when signing notes or letters except when they are addressed to one's most intimate friends. A married woman signs her self Ellen Scott, not Mrs. Guy Scott, in social correspondence. Often, in business letters, when the recipient would be in doubt as to whether or not the lady were to be addressed as Mrs. or Miss, the conclusion to the letter should be in this form:

_Yours truly, Ellen Scott (Mrs. Guy Scott)_

An unmarried woman signs her letters "Margaret Scott," unless it is a business communication and she is liable to be mistaken for a widow. In this case, she precedes her name by the word Miss in parentheses.

The first and last names of the man writing the letter must be given in full, and if there is a middle name, either the initial or full spelling may be given. But such a signature as J. Ferrin Robins is bad form.

It is both undignified and confusing to sign a letter with one's Christian name only, unless one is a relative or very intimate friend.

A woman never signs her Christian name alone in a letter to a man unless he is a relative or her _fiance_ or a very old friend of the family.

ADDRESSING THE ENVELOPE

Although there is a distinction in England regarding the use of "Mr."

and "Esq.," both forms are optional here in America. Either one may be used in good form. But to omit both, and address a man just as "Walter J. Smith" is exceedingly rude and bad taste. Neither should "Esq." and "Jr." be used together in this manner, "Walter J. Smith, Esq., Jr." The correct form would be "Walter J. Smith, Jr." A servant would be addressed merely as Walter J. Smith, without any t.i.tle.

"Mrs." or "Miss" must invariably precede the name of a woman on an envelope unless she is a professional woman with some such t.i.tle as "Dr." A woman does not a.s.sume her husband's honorary t.i.tle; thus, it is not good form to address an envelope in this manner: "Mrs. Captain Smith" or "Mrs. Judge Andrews."

A practicing woman physician is addressed in this fas.h.i.+on, when the communication is professional: "Dr. Ellen R. Blank." This form is not used in social correspondence, except in the case of a very famous, elderly physician who is ent.i.tled to the honorary t.i.tle at all times.

Otherwise this form is used when the communication is social: "Miss Ellen R. Blank" or "Mrs. John T. Blank."

LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE

Letters of condolence should never be written, unless the writer has been genuinely moved to sympathy. For that reason, they are usually forthcoming only from relatives and intimate friends of the bereaved family. A letter of sympathy should be brief and cordial. Those pretentious letters that are filled with poetic quotations and sentimental expressions are not genuinely sympathetic, and those that refer constantly to the deceased are unkind. A few well-chosen words of sympathy are all that is necessary. Following are two model letters of condolence, that may be used as basic forms for other letters: